Friend zone.. it is one-sided?

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I admit that I've had trouble making friends with women. I guess part of it is that most of the people I know my age are male anyway, for my secondary school and especially my college classes are male-dominated. Another part of it is that if I think that there is good ground for a friendship I usually start wondering if they think of me as a potential mate, even if I'm not interested. I guess part of it is a self-esteem issue and part of it is the fear of having to let the other party down if I'm still not interested. Anyway, the last few times I've considered this I've noticed that my subsequent conversations have become more strained and awkward and I suspect there might be a correlation.

I had someone who you might call a female friend for a while, when I was fifteen. She was bisexual and we sometimes discussed other women, so I guess you could say I considered her close though I never went to her house or anything. I had no interest in her and though I considered whether she had interest in me, if there was an "awkward conversation" stage she didn't seem to notice it. Which I guess would be the case because she was grateful to anyone who seemed to accept her. She seemingly developed more severe self-esteem issues and started skipping classes, at which point we grew distant, after about a year. That's the one exception.

I doubt it. If a man is still sexually attracted to his female, he's still sexually attracted to his female friend. Covering up won't work very well.

Well, I have neither male nor female friends, so this concept of the friends zone really doesn't mean much to me although one woman I tried to friend (didn't know her) suggested just being friends. I asked her how she thought the "sexual tension" should be handled.

Anyway this men's magazine does a disservice by reinforcing the stereotype that men are unemotional (either that, or the author meant men's emotions are not "psychologically crippling"). Either way is sexist and false. I obviously don't care for these "men's" magazines because it seems by men they actually mean idiots.

Why would you end up "[p]utting up with listening to them go on about how amazing" "the a**hole they date" are? Are you a person or a wall? If you think they're dating jerks, why not tell them so? And better, if you're attracted to them romantically/sexually, why not tell them that too?

Yeah, you probably should feel so lucky because I can't relate (perpetually single and involuntarily celibate). Perhaps you shouldn't care so much that some women rather just be friends with you if you're still reasonably successful meeting women otherwise.

I am in one of these situations right now. With a guy I work with. -I- thought we were merely friends, since well we are and there hasn't been any flirting-- then suddenly, out of the blue....
((Not going to go into tedious detail on that, but I will say that men can be equally unpredictable and confusing.))

Anyway. I believe it's better to stay friends for 4 months or so first, before becoming romantic or deciding to jump into a relationship. Since a lot of the time, after the first 2 months everything fizzles.. For some people that is, but still. Better to wait than to go to fast only to realize you don't know what you feel or want from the friendship/relationship anymore.

everyone should be more direct with each other, period. In all aspects.. your exact intentions and all of that.

Also, though I'm sure this is established already - just because a girl says she would rather "just be friends" does not mean she thinks you're ugly or unattractive or displeasing.
I can find someone attractive but not be attracted to them. And I've been attracted to guys who would be considered unattractive by the majority [obese, bad acne, etc]. And so on..

I have. Many many times. And I think other girls do too. Girls don't always want to be in a relationship all the damn time like some guys seem to think they do. When you're in a relationship you are really emotionally involved and it's a big step to take.

I also wanted to say, after reading a lot of posts I think a lot of guys here are sadly misinformed. I have lots of guy friends and i VALUE them as friends. I get along with guys better than girls, and is it so wrong for me to want to make friends with the opposite sex for the same reason two members of the same sex will make friends? I don't "use" my guy friends as a shoulder to cry on, though I do sometimes, but I like to spend both good times and bad times with them because they're my FRIENDS.

Furthermore, I would never ever go out with a guy without being friends with him first. Ever. In a million years. How could I possibly commit to someone like that I don't even know? And I don't like to make friends first off with the intention of dating that person because it's like signing a damned contract or something. What if the friendship doesn't work out? If you can't even have a good friendship, how can you consider dating? And I'd rather have the friendship as a natural FRIENDSHIP (nothing more, first), then if things happen to kick off from there after a while, great! If not SO WHAT. What is so WRONG with having a girl as a friend without benefits?

I hope you guys realize that what you are saying pretty much is classifying women as objects. If the woman won't be with you sexually, then she's useless? You're not interested in being friends with a woman unless you can sleep with her? Are women not even likable as PEOPLE to befriend?

Women don't use men anymore than men use women for the same reasons. There's always some people in relationships who use other people of the opposite sex to vent on. I know a guy who was in a long distance relationship who used a girl-friend of mine as a shoulder to cry on for the same reasons. But these people are minorities. Most people don't do this.

Sorry to sound so harsh but this topic really cuts me to the quick. It's often hard to stop guys seeing me like a "women" or an "alien from another planet" or a "thing to conquer" and start seeing me as another PERSON like themselves that they can have fun times and a great friendship with. It's hurtful.

I hope I haven't offended anyone with this comment.

It means that she is not thinking about whether you are attractive or not. She is not looking at guys in that way right now. So, who knows? I'd say just don't push it. She knows how you feel, and if she decides she feels the same way then she will probably tell you.

sunshower, I wish there were more girls like you - unfortunately you are not the norm, and my comments at least refer to the bulk of women.

You obviously haven't met some of my female acquaintances. Though on average women do become more emotionally involved in relationships than men.



There is nothing wrong with genuine friendship, the sort that you offer. However in my experience this is not the norm - most girls offer, at best, acquaintanceship rather than proper friendship, at worst they're merely using him.



That's extremely sensible, unfortunately also rare. I feel the same, that I need to get to know a girl before I can decide whether I even want to date her. But I have to recognise that girls don't usually think the same way, and that normally if you don't pursue a relationship pretty much immediately, you don't lose any chance of one, and you don't get meaningful friendship.



Nothing, if the friendship is a proper one. But if it's just acquaintanceship, why bother with it? If you're being used, why put up with it?



If she won't be with me in a relationship nor be a real friend, then I don't see the point in bothering, then she's just another acquaintance I may be civil to but have no interest in. Of course, many men (most, I think) don't take friendship itself seriously, and hence with girls are far more interested in sex than in any friendship.



Not at all, I'm just trying to avoid misunderstandings.