Foreign wives more common for those with AS?

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really? because i was abused my entire childhood, don't have any family, and still managed to survive on my own WITHOUT A MAN. my bad.

It doesn't surprise me at all.

I am sure that many aspies feel like a stranger in a strange land. It shouldn't be surprising that two strangers are drawn together.

Ever landed in a place where everyone shakes their head when they mean yes and nods when they mean no?
Everyone seems equally weird and baffling

Someone who is prepared to pack up and move to another country might be bit more broad minded and accepting than some who have lived their whole life in their home town and only knows one culture.

Aspies probably look like the ideal target for someone looking to get married for residency status reasons. An aspie may not be so quick to spot the motivation or may be more likely to ignore it.
I've had two proposals from people mainly after an EU passport.

I dont like to think that women cant handle themselfs and their own lives without a man, thats abit, stupid to think they cant.

And someone get a tranquilizer for magnus, she's gone lose D:
ok j/k

@Magnus
Imo i think you're really unlucky with the men you have met. From what i've read you have a "bit-to-many" wrong idea of men. Well ok, of course, there are those who are the way you describe, but do notice not every man is alike and each is different.

You said it's not a coincidence that we AS men end up with foreign women.

The only reason(s) i can come up with this is because that, like some have already said, we AS men (and women to?) are often considered the boring type in our own envoirment and soceity by NT. Makes it all the more harder to find a NT who might be suitable for oneself.

However with foreign women, well yeah, there might be a billion reasons, but the ones i come up with are, that they are different, like yourself, they have a different culture, so we might expect them to be different to the NTs in our own culture, and because they are more "different" it might be that they arent to, dunno, not accepting over for our own behavior?

They might also be more interesting, cause like said, they are something foreign, something "unexplored" and the typical image we might have is that there are new things to learn and we also expect them to be different, both being different might make the AS men ( women to?) abit more comfortable/relaxed?

Or they might simply also be attracted to foreign girls cause they look wise are attracted to them and lots of other reasons.

When you mentioned a place where everyone shakes their head when they mean yes and nods when they mean no, I don't know if you were referring to Bulgaria. Bulgaria is famous for this being the case (although the head-shaking is a slightly different movement).

My girlfriend is very prepared to pack her bags and go abroad when the timing is right, as she has come to the conclusion that she will never find the career she wants as a civil engineer in Colombia. However, I do worry quite a lot about how she would fit into British society if she did marry me and come over to live with me, as she has never left Colombia and hasn't visited a significant proportion of the country. However, she is open-minded and I believe she is used to the idea of living abroad, as her half-brother lives in Spain with his partner, although being Colombian, they don't have to speak a foreign language, whereas she will. The UK has seen an upsurge in hispanic immigrants in recent years, but thankfully, it hasn't reached the extent that the border states of the USA have reached.

I don't believe my girlfriend is trying to marry me just for a passport because she once said openly to me in conversation that she had entertained the idea of taking up her half-brother's homosexual partner's offer to participate in a bogus marriage with her so that she can get EU residency. My girlfriend is an intelligent girl and I am certain she would have known better than to say that to me if she really were pulling the wool over my eyes, unless she were double-crossing me (i.e. deliberately saying that so as to use reverse psychology to convince me that she wants more than a passport from me).

I've told her openly that I have Asperger's syndrome and she says she isn't bothered about it. I think this is good, but at the same time, I want her to be aware of my limitations so that she knows how to effectively approach aspects of our relationship in future.

I think its more to do with we often go for unconventional relationships as we do not fit into the stereo type norm, I am from the Uk and my husband a kiwi and not a traditional one really.
Lets just say interesting people attract other interesting people the "norn" has always bored me anyway...

I feel part of the problem is lacking of understanding from others, if they do not acknowledge their child's, partners differences long term they will end up pushing them away or they will withdraw and that can be a very lonely retreat. I have experienced spells of that myself.

But I guess as for any minority, we feel more comfortable with other minority groups as at least they seem to understand us!

Last edited by asplanet on 13 Jan 2009, 4:06 pm, edited 2 times in total.

What kind of experience?

Is there any real proof or evidence to suggest that there are more aspie men to NT men who prefer foriegn wives Magnus?

This topic and its posts are somewhat confusing. Are we just saying that women who live in other countries are more ideally submissive or understanding to men than other countries...and if countries which ones? There are countries where women can't get an equal paying job as men thus it would be logical that a woman marry a man from a country where opportunity seem more in their favor. Not that this ideal woman is using him but expects to be fullfilled in the same way the man is and more.

I mean I see all walks of life in the U.S and cannot comprehend other than having a thing for the exotic or unknown which makes more sense to me for both women and men. I knew one girl I worked with who was from Russia and married a man long distance from the U.S. As she put it to me, he wasn't anything like she had expected as she told me they were already divorced after some months of marriage. I didn't have the courage to ask her but I'm guessing it was a long distance relationship before they decided to marry and meet face to face. So the expectations are more higher than say someone you actually got to meet.

Aggressive or assertive? There is a difference.

I don't think many people find comfort in the aggressive including myself. I'd hate it if a guy were to get sharp and demanding with me.

Hate to say it, but I would conclude the opposite -- she is making her desire to leave Columbia through almost any means very clear, and broaching the idea with you to see if you accept it. Women don't blurt out things for no reason, at least not the smart ones.

I myself had a green card wedding, but we were very much in love, and I had a chance to bail on the whole thing -- she didn't cling when we broke up for a while. We're still together 11 years later, and I got the better end of the bargain by far, though I guess I missed out on messing around in my prime (a small sacrifice for peace of mind and a great love life).

I don't blame anyone for trying to get out of a third-world existence -- it really is hell for anyone who has ambitions to be trapped in that, and it's literally almost impossible for anyone not rich to emigrate out of that to the United States. It's a pretty good motivator to take on someone who isn't perfect as a BF, especially someone who might not cheat because they are having a tough time getting a love life going already.

I'm not saying she is using you, but watch out. Am I correct that this relationship is almost entirely a long-distance one?

One final note -- immigrants in general (long-term ones, not "sojourners" who come here to make a quick buck and then return to their homeland) tend to be dissatisfied for some reason with their home country. These people felt like strangers in their own country, so maybe it's no wonder they connect so well with AS (if that is indeed the case). Two kindred souls can relate well to each other.

She has some nice

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Based on her comments, she may be trying to marry you for a passport. If she'll do that with someone else, she'd be willing to do that with you too.

Just my opinion.

She has some nice

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woot, always wanted to use that one = D

i would say assertive. i'm not bossy, but i do have strong opinions and unfortunately they are based on common sense, logic and experience which makes it dangerous to debate with me sometimes.

It could also be that we are less aware of (quasi)socially constructed barriers, such as ethnicity. It also seems (from my experience, anyway) that people who emmigrate to the US from other societies tend to place more value on intellectual, philosophical and political ideals and discourse, than the average American. Granted, this may have more to do with the sample being skewed by the sorts of people who emmigrate, rather than being a quality of foreign cultures as a whole. (ie: when observing the general American population, intellectual, entrepreneurial, politically aware types are evenly dispersed among the population, while these portions of the population are unequally represented within imigrant populations.)

"opening night premiere of Mary and Max, a Claymation film about a pen-pal relationship between a lonely 8-year-old girl in Australia and a 44-year-old Jewish man in New York who has Asperger syndrome. Cooper says it's "a great story — dark and twisted and odd."
http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and- ... -sundance/

Unfortunately young aspies can be taken advantage of, because of our neediness, gullibility, and often desperate attempt to discover, understand and/or be loved, experience what we do not quite get like others...

I see a child far more likely than an adult with aspergers to be taken advantage of.....

Then again, I haven't seen this movie...so I hope it isn't what I'm assuming it is.