ProfessorJohn
Veteran
Joined: 26 Jun 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,153
Location: The Room at the end of 2001
27 May 2020, 8:55 pm
27 May 2020, 11:36 pm
27 May 2020, 11:57 pm
sly279 wrote:
Teach51 wrote:
The evolution of this thread has totally baffled me, this is partly because not being an aspie obviously my thought processing and experience of life is totally different. It suddenly dawned on me what is lacking in these threads.
There are lengthy lamentations regarding demographics and statistics and you all have entangled me in that mindset, so I started thinking which professional women would be compatible with aspies, how you would meet good women but then I realised what was lacking.
Finding a woman, where, how, what nationality is really not the issue.
The common denominator that the married aspies or those in a long term relationship share here, K, Bender, Kraftie, Fnord, you know who they all are, they all have the capacity to project their caring on to others, relate to others lives, express empathy in their own way, overcome difficulties and maintain a long term intimate relationship.
A long term relationship is similar to a career, it's easy enough to begin but sustaining it is the hard part.
Finding the right woman is not like an acquisition, it's not like buying a new computer, finding the right price, design and performance. You order it, bring it home, mission accomplished. Noooooo. A woman wants and needs many things beyond the material aspects of life. So much more.
I am guessing Fnord and Bender and all the guys that have been encouraging the younger guys here for years have said it in every possible way.
I wanted to be a nurse when I was a girl. That was my objective. That was not enough. . That is just a desire . Next I had to convert my desire into a practical strategy. So I went to nursing school, studied anatomy and physiology, all the necessary stuff I am really bad at understanding, I actually hate science because my mind is so disorganised and I have a severe learning disability, but I invested 4 years to achieve my goal. I had to force myself to internalize all these strategies and analyses that my mind refused to understand and process efficiently. A bit like aspies and emotional communication perhaps?
Wanting a relationship will not bring you nearer to having a successful one, it's just a desire, it requires implementing a plan of action in order to fulfill this desire.
Maintaining a relationship requires the ability to feel that another human being is as important as yourself, to think outside yourself make them feel appreciated and valued, learn how to listen and understand them, learn how to adapt to sharing your time and your space. If you begin to do this then your whole experience of human interaction will change, women will sense that you are emotionally present and be able to connect with you. They will find substance to connect to emotionally. Try and develop expressing the care that you feel so deeply internally into an external verbal expression of feeling, even if it is just memorizing phrases that suit the moment. Learn to ask questions if you have no idea how to interpret what your partner is feeling so that they can sense you care. Learn to verbalize your feelings more.
This all demands a great investment of time, effort and determination to achieve your goal but it will assist you in every interpersonal interaction. Nothing suddenly materializes just because we want it, learn how to make the emotional connection in your own unique way, if you can.
I promise to let this go now and keep my perhaps misguided advice to myself.
There are lengthy lamentations regarding demographics and statistics and you all have entangled me in that mindset, so I started thinking which professional women would be compatible with aspies, how you would meet good women but then I realised what was lacking.
Finding a woman, where, how, what nationality is really not the issue.
The common denominator that the married aspies or those in a long term relationship share here, K, Bender, Kraftie, Fnord, you know who they all are, they all have the capacity to project their caring on to others, relate to others lives, express empathy in their own way, overcome difficulties and maintain a long term intimate relationship.
A long term relationship is similar to a career, it's easy enough to begin but sustaining it is the hard part.
Finding the right woman is not like an acquisition, it's not like buying a new computer, finding the right price, design and performance. You order it, bring it home, mission accomplished. Noooooo. A woman wants and needs many things beyond the material aspects of life. So much more.
I am guessing Fnord and Bender and all the guys that have been encouraging the younger guys here for years have said it in every possible way.
I wanted to be a nurse when I was a girl. That was my objective. That was not enough. . That is just a desire . Next I had to convert my desire into a practical strategy. So I went to nursing school, studied anatomy and physiology, all the necessary stuff I am really bad at understanding, I actually hate science because my mind is so disorganised and I have a severe learning disability, but I invested 4 years to achieve my goal. I had to force myself to internalize all these strategies and analyses that my mind refused to understand and process efficiently. A bit like aspies and emotional communication perhaps?
Wanting a relationship will not bring you nearer to having a successful one, it's just a desire, it requires implementing a plan of action in order to fulfill this desire.
Maintaining a relationship requires the ability to feel that another human being is as important as yourself, to think outside yourself make them feel appreciated and valued, learn how to listen and understand them, learn how to adapt to sharing your time and your space. If you begin to do this then your whole experience of human interaction will change, women will sense that you are emotionally present and be able to connect with you. They will find substance to connect to emotionally. Try and develop expressing the care that you feel so deeply internally into an external verbal expression of feeling, even if it is just memorizing phrases that suit the moment. Learn to ask questions if you have no idea how to interpret what your partner is feeling so that they can sense you care. Learn to verbalize your feelings more.
This all demands a great investment of time, effort and determination to achieve your goal but it will assist you in every interpersonal interaction. Nothing suddenly materializes just because we want it, learn how to make the emotional connection in your own unique way, if you can.
I promise to let this go now and keep my perhaps misguided advice to myself.
Never felt empathy or compassion from fnord.
Are you trying to say the reason I’m alone is cause I’m not like them?
I’m one of the most empathic , caring loving person you could meet. I don’t even hurt bugs. The other thing all the people you listed have in common is they work full time good jobs.
I’ve been told I’d be the perfect bf by women. I don’t think I’d have issue sustaining a relationship. I just can’t get a f*****g chance. No woman will, give me a chance. I can’t get dates. Women don’t even let me talk to them, if I can’t get dates then I’ll never get a relationship. So Please don’t judge me as not able to sustain a relationship I have all the qualities to do so more so then most men. But I not good enough cause I work min wage part time.
I would like to add to what sly said about Fnord.
His advice he usually gives is pure, unadulterated crap. It is extremely vague and overly-simplistic. It is like a person being told to move out if he has a problem with his parents rules yet he is not given any guidance or help to come up with a comprehensive plan to do that.
The man sees himself as this objective scientist but what he really does is called scientism. He is sort of like James Randi in a way. Randi has done excellent work in exposing frauds but Randi like Fnord in his skepticism has become fanatics and science and the scientific method has become a sort of a quasi-religion in a sense. B/c of this it becomes possible to dismiss relevant data.
He can't conceive that scientists themselves are human beings filled with their own biases and their own agendas. You have science and the scientist the human himself.
By the way, the CIA did confirm there is an area 51. No UFOs or aliens but it is and was a secret military base. Those like Fnord and Randi denied this for years.
The problem with Fnord's way of thinking is that it never considers new possibilities. It does not allow one to think outside of the current paradigm. Fnord, is what I would call super-adjusted to reality. There is no imagination. Sort of like the Houyhnhnms of Gulliver's Travels.
Fnord from my point of view can't even conceive of other modes of thinking. To me, this whole faith thing and this whole mindset (positive) influencing or making reality makes no sense but what if there was a grain of truth to it? Is there at least one possibility in which it could work? Sort of those who say we can't go past the speed of light b/c as one goes faster one more and more mass and it would take more thrust to push that mass. (I think that is what it is). My thinking is why can't one prevent things from gaining mass? How does gaining mass work? Why do things gain mass as they speed up? These are the things he never even thinks to question and answer.
So, his thinking is stuck in a paradigm of simply stating that the world system simply exists and we must adjust ourselves accordingly. No questioning at all. No thinking outside of the whole dynamic itself. We must accept it b/c it simply is and adjust accordingly. But, if we all did as he said to do then how can we as human beings progress into something better? His worldview is a view that stagnates.
28 May 2020, 12:40 am
Teach51
Veteran
Joined: 28 Jan 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,808
Location: Where angels do not fear to tread.
28 May 2020, 1:04 am
cubedemon6073 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Teach51 wrote:
The evolution of this thread has totally baffled me, this is partly because not being an aspie obviously my thought processing and experience of life is totally different. It suddenly dawned on me what is lacking in these threads.
There are lengthy lamentations regarding demographics and statistics and you all have entangled me in that mindset, so I started thinking which professional women would be compatible with aspies, how you would meet good women but then I realised what was lacking.
Finding a woman, where, how, what nationality is really not the issue.
The common denominator that the married aspies or those in a long term relationship share here, K, Bender, Kraftie, Fnord, you know who they all are, they all have the capacity to project their caring on to others, relate to others lives, express empathy in their own way, overcome difficulties and maintain a long term intimate relationship.
A long term relationship is similar to a career, it's easy enough to begin but sustaining it is the hard part.
Finding the right woman is not like an acquisition, it's not like buying a new computer, finding the right price, design and performance. You order it, bring it home, mission accomplished. Noooooo. A woman wants and needs many things beyond the material aspects of life. So much more.
I am guessing Fnord and Bender and all the guys that have been encouraging the younger guys here for years have said it in every possible way.
I wanted to be a nurse when I was a girl. That was my objective. That was not enough. . That is just a desire . Next I had to convert my desire into a practical strategy. So I went to nursing school, studied anatomy and physiology, all the necessary stuff I am really bad at understanding, I actually hate science because my mind is so disorganised and I have a severe learning disability, but I invested 4 years to achieve my goal. I had to force myself to internalize all these strategies and analyses that my mind refused to understand and process efficiently. A bit like aspies and emotional communication perhaps?
Wanting a relationship will not bring you nearer to having a successful one, it's just a desire, it requires implementing a plan of action in order to fulfill this desire.
Maintaining a relationship requires the ability to feel that another human being is as important as yourself, to think outside yourself make them feel appreciated and valued, learn how to listen and understand them, learn how to adapt to sharing your time and your space. If you begin to do this then your whole experience of human interaction will change, women will sense that you are emotionally present and be able to connect with you. They will find substance to connect to emotionally. Try and develop expressing the care that you feel so deeply internally into an external verbal expression of feeling, even if it is just memorizing phrases that suit the moment. Learn to ask questions if you have no idea how to interpret what your partner is feeling so that they can sense you care. Learn to verbalize your feelings more.
This all demands a great investment of time, effort and determination to achieve your goal but it will assist you in every interpersonal interaction. Nothing suddenly materializes just because we want it, learn how to make the emotional connection in your own unique way, if you can.
I promise to let this go now and keep my perhaps misguided advice to myself.
There are lengthy lamentations regarding demographics and statistics and you all have entangled me in that mindset, so I started thinking which professional women would be compatible with aspies, how you would meet good women but then I realised what was lacking.
Finding a woman, where, how, what nationality is really not the issue.
The common denominator that the married aspies or those in a long term relationship share here, K, Bender, Kraftie, Fnord, you know who they all are, they all have the capacity to project their caring on to others, relate to others lives, express empathy in their own way, overcome difficulties and maintain a long term intimate relationship.
A long term relationship is similar to a career, it's easy enough to begin but sustaining it is the hard part.
Finding the right woman is not like an acquisition, it's not like buying a new computer, finding the right price, design and performance. You order it, bring it home, mission accomplished. Noooooo. A woman wants and needs many things beyond the material aspects of life. So much more.
I am guessing Fnord and Bender and all the guys that have been encouraging the younger guys here for years have said it in every possible way.
I wanted to be a nurse when I was a girl. That was my objective. That was not enough. . That is just a desire . Next I had to convert my desire into a practical strategy. So I went to nursing school, studied anatomy and physiology, all the necessary stuff I am really bad at understanding, I actually hate science because my mind is so disorganised and I have a severe learning disability, but I invested 4 years to achieve my goal. I had to force myself to internalize all these strategies and analyses that my mind refused to understand and process efficiently. A bit like aspies and emotional communication perhaps?
Wanting a relationship will not bring you nearer to having a successful one, it's just a desire, it requires implementing a plan of action in order to fulfill this desire.
Maintaining a relationship requires the ability to feel that another human being is as important as yourself, to think outside yourself make them feel appreciated and valued, learn how to listen and understand them, learn how to adapt to sharing your time and your space. If you begin to do this then your whole experience of human interaction will change, women will sense that you are emotionally present and be able to connect with you. They will find substance to connect to emotionally. Try and develop expressing the care that you feel so deeply internally into an external verbal expression of feeling, even if it is just memorizing phrases that suit the moment. Learn to ask questions if you have no idea how to interpret what your partner is feeling so that they can sense you care. Learn to verbalize your feelings more.
This all demands a great investment of time, effort and determination to achieve your goal but it will assist you in every interpersonal interaction. Nothing suddenly materializes just because we want it, learn how to make the emotional connection in your own unique way, if you can.
I promise to let this go now and keep my perhaps misguided advice to myself.
Never felt empathy or compassion from fnord.
Are you trying to say the reason I’m alone is cause I’m not like them?
I’m one of the most empathic , caring loving person you could meet. I don’t even hurt bugs. The other thing all the people you listed have in common is they work full time good jobs.
I’ve been told I’d be the perfect bf by women. I don’t think I’d have issue sustaining a relationship. I just can’t get a f*****g chance. No woman will, give me a chance. I can’t get dates. Women don’t even let me talk to them, if I can’t get dates then I’ll never get a relationship. So Please don’t judge me as not able to sustain a relationship I have all the qualities to do so more so then most men. But I not good enough cause I work min wage part time.
I would like to add to what sly said about Fnord.
His advice he usually gives is pure, unadulterated crap. It is extremely vague and overly-simplistic. It is like a person being told to move out if he has a problem with his parents rules yet he is not given any guidance or help to come up with a comprehensive plan to do that.
The man sees himself as this objective scientist but what he really does is called scientism. He is sort of like James Randi in a way. Randi has done excellent work in exposing frauds but Randi like Fnord in his skepticism has become fanatics and science and the scientific method has become a sort of a quasi-religion in a sense. B/c of this it becomes possible to dismiss relevant data.
He can't conceive that scientists themselves are human beings filled with their own biases and their own agendas. You have science and the scientist the human himself.
By the way, the CIA did confirm there is an area 51. No UFOs or aliens but it is and was a secret military base. Those like Fnord and Randi denied this for years.
The problem with Fnord's way of thinking is that it never considers new possibilities. It does not allow one to think outside of the current paradigm. Fnord, is what I would call super-adjusted to reality. There is no imagination. Sort of like the Houyhnhnms of Gulliver's Travels.
Fnord from my point of view can't even conceive of other modes of thinking. To me, this whole faith thing and this whole mindset (positive) influencing or making reality makes no sense but what if there was a grain of truth to it? Is there at least one possibility in which it could work? Sort of those who say we can't go past the speed of light b/c as one goes faster one more and more mass and it would take more thrust to push that mass. (I think that is what it is). My thinking is why can't one prevent things from gaining mass? How does gaining mass work? Why do things gain mass as they speed up? These are the things he never even thinks to question and answer.
So, his thinking is stuck in a paradigm of simply stating that the world system simply exists and we must adjust ourselves accordingly. No questioning at all. No thinking outside of the whole dynamic itself. We must accept it b/c it simply is and adjust accordingly. But, if we all did as he said to do then how can we as human beings progress into something better? His worldview is a view that stagnates.
I stand corrected. Hurtloam is correct, I don't have a full grasp of the reality of what aspies deal with. Regarding Fnord I know some of you have a hard time with his approach, I also do at times, I think that his practical advice is sound for the most part, he just messes up in delivering the message.
Sly, my post was not directed at you but rather related to my own aspie and the struggles he has with our relationship. I also stated that the depth of feeling exists but is not always
communicated outwards clearly and effectively, This is my experience from my own relationship. I have reached the conclusion that I can never understand how incredibly difficult life in America is, the society dictates are so different to those I am familiar with.
Cube, how are you doing in China? Are you happy there?
28 May 2020, 1:39 am
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,084
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
28 May 2020, 3:09 am
28 May 2020, 3:19 am
28 May 2020, 5:10 am
28 May 2020, 5:19 am
28 May 2020, 5:33 am
cyberdad wrote:
LunaticCentruroides wrote:
I wouldn't generalize it as well.. If I read your first post, I would also think it could be more something you are sending out with your presence/bodylanguage or how you are talking/behaving. Something you don't notice and they do. Maybe you send out a lot of insecurities which could possibly lead to a "turn-off" of these women.
I don't know you, so it's hard to analyze directly what it could be. But it seems to be something that happens at the "first impression" already. I'm a girl with aspergers myself and I dated men without and even men with aspergers.. So you aren't automatiaclly non-attractive with this condition. And besides that I know a lot of guys with aspergers... Some are more popular in the world of women and some seem to struggle with the same thing as you do. But each of them have an individual "problem" which leads to this dilemma.
I don't know you, so it's hard to analyze directly what it could be. But it seems to be something that happens at the "first impression" already. I'm a girl with aspergers myself and I dated men without and even men with aspergers.. So you aren't automatiaclly non-attractive with this condition. And besides that I know a lot of guys with aspergers... Some are more popular in the world of women and some seem to struggle with the same thing as you do. But each of them have an individual "problem" which leads to this dilemma.
Watch the autistic girls in this video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwEH9Ui4HV8&t=98s
Yes they have idiosyncrasies but are easily able to find an NT man who is going to say the cliched "you don't look autistic". Flip the script and they were males their problems would be scrutinised 100x worse for any minor tic or imperfection.
I agree with you. I'd say males struggle more. As girl it may be not that hard to find a man and I've heard "you don't look autistic" thousands of times as well. But I don't get why you tell me this..? And yeah I know this video you posted very well
28 May 2020, 5:51 am
LunaticCentruroides wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
LunaticCentruroides wrote:
I wouldn't generalize it as well.. If I read your first post, I would also think it could be more something you are sending out with your presence/bodylanguage or how you are talking/behaving. Something you don't notice and they do. Maybe you send out a lot of insecurities which could possibly lead to a "turn-off" of these women.
I don't know you, so it's hard to analyze directly what it could be. But it seems to be something that happens at the "first impression" already. I'm a girl with aspergers myself and I dated men without and even men with aspergers.. So you aren't automatiaclly non-attractive with this condition. And besides that I know a lot of guys with aspergers... Some are more popular in the world of women and some seem to struggle with the same thing as you do. But each of them have an individual "problem" which leads to this dilemma.
I don't know you, so it's hard to analyze directly what it could be. But it seems to be something that happens at the "first impression" already. I'm a girl with aspergers myself and I dated men without and even men with aspergers.. So you aren't automatiaclly non-attractive with this condition. And besides that I know a lot of guys with aspergers... Some are more popular in the world of women and some seem to struggle with the same thing as you do. But each of them have an individual "problem" which leads to this dilemma.
Watch the autistic girls in this video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwEH9Ui4HV8&t=98s
Yes they have idiosyncrasies but are easily able to find an NT man who is going to say the cliched "you don't look autistic". Flip the script and they were males their problems would be scrutinised 100x worse for any minor tic or imperfection.
I agree with you. I'd say males struggle more. As girl it may be not that hard to find a man and I've heard "you don't look autistic" thousands of times as well. But I don't get why you tell me this..? And yeah I know this video you posted very well
The reason I asked you is so you could validate my point, As an NT everybody is suspicious about what I say on this forum, whereas coming from you it might initiate others to explore/engage further.
But ultimately I am trying to motivate Sly to seek female friends on the internet.
28 May 2020, 5:53 am
28 May 2020, 6:58 am
cyberdad wrote:
LunaticCentruroides wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
LunaticCentruroides wrote:
I wouldn't generalize it as well.. If I read your first post, I would also think it could be more something you are sending out with your presence/bodylanguage or how you are talking/behaving. Something you don't notice and they do. Maybe you send out a lot of insecurities which could possibly lead to a "turn-off" of these women.
I don't know you, so it's hard to analyze directly what it could be. But it seems to be something that happens at the "first impression" already. I'm a girl with aspergers myself and I dated men without and even men with aspergers.. So you aren't automatiaclly non-attractive with this condition. And besides that I know a lot of guys with aspergers... Some are more popular in the world of women and some seem to struggle with the same thing as you do. But each of them have an individual "problem" which leads to this dilemma.
I don't know you, so it's hard to analyze directly what it could be. But it seems to be something that happens at the "first impression" already. I'm a girl with aspergers myself and I dated men without and even men with aspergers.. So you aren't automatiaclly non-attractive with this condition. And besides that I know a lot of guys with aspergers... Some are more popular in the world of women and some seem to struggle with the same thing as you do. But each of them have an individual "problem" which leads to this dilemma.
Watch the autistic girls in this video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwEH9Ui4HV8&t=98s
Yes they have idiosyncrasies but are easily able to find an NT man who is going to say the cliched "you don't look autistic". Flip the script and they were males their problems would be scrutinised 100x worse for any minor tic or imperfection.
I agree with you. I'd say males struggle more. As girl it may be not that hard to find a man and I've heard "you don't look autistic" thousands of times as well. But I don't get why you tell me this..? And yeah I know this video you posted very well
The reason I asked you is so you could validate my point, As an NT everybody is suspicious about what I say on this forum, whereas coming from you it might initiate others to explore/engage further.
But ultimately I am trying to motivate Sly to seek female friends on the internet.
Sorry but english is not my motherlanguage, perhaps I might not understand everything
So is that what you are saying something positive or negative? What do you want me to do?? I was just talking about my exerience. I've known so many people and guys with AS in reallife, many friends as well, so yeah...
Who is Sly? lol..
Teach51
Veteran
Joined: 28 Jan 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,808
Location: Where angels do not fear to tread.
28 May 2020, 7:11 am
28 May 2020, 8:21 am
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
It suddenly dawned on me what is lacking in these threads.
It lacks nudes and cat pics.
Quote:
The common denominator that the married aspies or those in a long term relationship share here, K, Bender, Kraftie, Fnord, you know who they all are, they all have the capacity to project their caring on to others, relate to others lives, express empathy in their own way, overcome difficulties and maintain a long term intimate relationship.
The only common denominator is their age/generation actually.
Fnord is caring, empathic and relatable to others?
Sorry.....that was rude but...
The other day, I told Fnord I would tone down "Taking the Mickie out of him".
So I resisted.
But I'm glad you did it for me.
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