Slys dating site advice help thread.

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Yep. All of this.

For the record, countless Psychiatrists & other authors agree over centuries: Thoughts dictate emotions. Therefore, the quality of our emotions & lives are dependent on the quality of our thoughts. Think negative thoughts = feel bad.

I've learned these things from several books, including & especially the one I recommended to sly in this thread. But then I also went on to learn that the cause of my negative thoughts was indeed biochemical, not in the traditional western medicine sense of trying to balance neurotransmitters via pharmaceuticals, but rather by food acids building up in my body & seriously f*****g with my brain functions. All I had to do was use epsom salts on my skin regularly to absorb the magnesium & sulphur which my body could then utilize to bind to excess acids so they could be excreted by urination. Acid levels down, thoughts returned to normal. In 5 days the WORST depression & anxiety of my life were all but completely lifted.

There's value in learning about depression, anxiety, and thoughts from a clinical pov - which is why I recommend that book. But I also acknowledge that it's not everything. It's just a starting point of learning. The cause of my crippling depression and anxiety turned out to actually be biochemical in nature & I was able to treat and cure it by balancing chemicals - just not the ones MD's typically try to balance w/ antidepressants & ssri's etc. That's why I say a multitude of approaches may be required to treat depression, but at square one, IMO, people have to accept the universal fact that it's our thoughts that dictate our emotions - not external things like our relationship status. It's ones thoughts about their relationship status that can make one depressed about it, not their state of being single itself. Learning & accepting these facts is the basis for any treatment of depression & anxiety to begin working at all.

OR sly really is on the wrong planet and he's the only "human," alive who's depressive thoughts don't cause his depressed emotional state. Doubtful, though. I'm 100% sure he's made of the same stuff as the rest of us, and so are his emotions.

I think one big reason he's so resistant to accepting any of this information, besides thriving on sympathy for his complaints, is that he doesn't particularly like me & thus the things I say are automatically discounted as being false. I don't particularly care if sly doesn't particularly like me, but sly, it doesn't change any of the facts I'm conveying.

I thought the chemical imbalance theory had been debunked long ago.

If it had doctors wouldn’t be prescribing antidepressant pharmaceuticals anymore.. but they are, probably more than ever, too.

Despite there being 0 evidence.

There are many people who think depression is a "chemical imbalance," primarily.

And that all psychoses, including schizophrenia, are primarily "chemical imbalances."

This "theory" seems to me to be a way (whether purposeful or not) to absolve psychiatrists of the responsibility for good, old-fashioned psychotherapy. I don't hear of psychiatrists dispensing "talk therapy" any more; all they do, it seems, is dispense the meds.

I think it's a way for the pharmaceutical companies to make $$$$$$$$'.

Not for me. I think perhaps they're reluctant to prescribe antidepressants.


Talk therapy, AKA cognitive therapy is all I hear of them dispensing in my neck of the woods.

The shrinks here think cognitive therapy is the panacea for all mental ills. They've never even mention antidepressants to me.

Are they psychiatrists, or psychologists?

Psychologists do all sorts of "talk therapy" and rely on many theories in doing so.

I feel if people were able to see themselves like from a perspective of a camera and with their own eyes they could do a lot better communicating with people. We don't always notice what the other person is really seeing or hearing when we think from seeing with our own eyes. There are many opportunities being lost when we don't notice who we are acting like.

..except for all the results of clinical trials that prove that these meds do in fact help many people with their symptoms.

I’m not in complete agreeable with their use, and my own personal experiences tell me the imbalances are more likely in the digestive system than in neurotransmitters. But that doesn’t mean that neurotransmitter altering medications don’t work or serve no purpose. I’ve had them benefit me at times in my life, too.

clinical trials only publish positive results.
Yet, half of the trials were negative.
So people on antidepressants improve at around the same rate as people who don't take antidepressants.

Psychologist. But if the psychologists wanted me to have antidepressants they could refer me to a physiatrist.

Half of the trials getting positive results isn't the same as half of the subjects getting positive results

If each trial is for a different drug than that would mean half the antidepressants get positive results for the majority of patients tested.

Lots of people have single depression and get happy in a relationship

Nick on here is one of them.

I’m happy when I’m just talking with girls. Not even dating yet. So yes for me finding a gf would make me happy and not depressed. My depression is entirely from lack of relationship. I don’t care about status or material things. I don’t Desire to be more then what I am. I’m content being a low paid retail employee who never leaves his city. I’m perfectly fine with that I just need someone to share it with and be loved by.

Goldfish and others just don’t get me to them I’m a rarity and so I must just be wrong and lying surely everyone desires to be something more then what I am but I don’t. I have everything I want besides love.

I’m aware that big pharma funds the studies and results are in line with business plans and returns on investment etc.

I’m not a big fan of pharmaceutical solutions for the most part, as I now believe a lot of people would benefit from other forms of medicine and treatment moreso than pills. But they still have their place to treat some things in some people, or for people unwilling to learn anything, do any form of counselling, or use other medicines or an altered diet etc. Basically if pills are the only thing that patient will try, then they’re worth a try. Also could be useful if other forms of treatment haven’t worked etc. They’re not totally useless, they’re just not a silver bullet, either.

Who is Nick?

I don’t care if you’re content with what you have and don’t have any desire or ambition to do, be, or have anything more. Fitness, finances, career etc all of those things are irrelevant to my argument.

The point I keep trying to make, sly, is that no matter what way you slice it, depression is the result of depressive thoughts. A change in relationship status won’t magically correct your depressed world view caused by your thoughts. There are a variety of ways to think better thoughts & eliminate depression, but it is completely medically impossible for your negative views on everything under the Sun to be caused by situational depression as a result of not having a partner. Sure, it can contribute to your negative thoughts, but there is a zero % chance that a change in relationship status will suddenly make you see the entire world in a neutral or positive light, aside from very temporary highs from endorphins etc. If the only depressive thoughts you expressed were to do with being single then maybe you’d have a leg to stand on in this debate, but they are far from it. Your self perception, thoughts about work/career, thoughts about education/skills/abilities, thoughts about friends or lack of, thoughts about finances, material possessions, your own potential to achieve a variety of things etc etc are all in the severely depressed category and there is No Way that anyone could possibly be so down about e v e r y t h i n g if their depression was 100% situational as you claim.

Your depression is just as real as anyone else’. But until you accept that it’s your thoughts that cause it you won’t be able to begin learning how to improve them so you can feel better. Fact.