Slys dating site advice help thread.

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Nick is the guy here who posted about his depression then got s gf from her and has been happy every since .
Just likenme but I’m not lucky enough to meet a girl on here.

I didn’t read rest of your posts

Must have been a while back.

His wrong planet forum name is “Nick” ?

I don't think he even read my message.

Seriously. You’re basically saying anti depressants don’t work. lol.

If I wasn’t on them, I go from high functioning to low functioning in 2 days and can’t do anything at all. Can’t leave my bed, can’t have a shower.

That’s evidence enough for me.

Here’s another major reason not to be the most depressed negative person you know:

https://www.facebook.com/gary/videos/10155640071703350/

I just watched this and thought it was relevant to this thread & discussions about depression as well as “datability factors.” This is literally how & why people cull their social circle from time to time. It’s why you don’t want to be the depressed pessimist - friends you have, you’ll start to lose. Others you may have hit it off with as friends, or more, wont even give you the time of day. This is why it’s critically important to successfully treat depression before attempting to date.

Nick 007.

From my observations, Nick had quite a healthy life outlook and made sensible and logical observations. Yes, he was unhappy, but he didn’t have a victim complex.

Sly ignores any posts that don’t support & reinforce his depressed world view. It’s like he’ll spontaneously combust if he breaks from his Eeyore character for even a moment & admits either of the two facts that: As I’ve pointed out, things can get better. As you’ve pointed out, things could be worse so look on the bright side.

It sometimes seems like some form of Stockholm syndrome where he identifies with his depression so much that he’s afraid of what might happen if he didn’t have it anymore.

It’s hard to say for sure, though, as he tries not to engage in any conversations that could shatter his distorted world view. Maybe someday he’ll come around to accepting the possibility that he can improve & feel better. That’ll be the first step of a long journey.

Aah, I see. I am also 100% certain that I’ve read a Nick 007 post in the last week or two that said he suffers from depression & anxiety and other things, so that shoots a giant hole through sly’s statement that Nick cured his depression by getting a girlfriend.

Sly, not only is it not true because Nick’s own posts state so, but also because it literally cannot happen. It’s medically impossible. Yes, getting a new partner can raise one’s spirits, but it can’t cure severe clinical depression. It’s because no one’s suicidal depression is 100% situational due to being single. Yes, it can be a contributing factor, but the fact remains that depression is the result of negative thoughts & there are multiple treatment options to treat it.

That’s true. Treating a condition but not not the root cause of it won’t get anyone anywhere over the long term. It’s similar to trying to treat a drug addiction with a regular drug supply. In this case, the drug is a girlfriend and the drug addiction is an unhealthy mind. The only real and fruitful cure is facing and dealing with your demons, which is not easy, and not fun.

Everything you perceive in the world starts and finishes with your brain. If your brain is unbalanced or unhealthy, anything but addressing the problem is a feeble band aid.

I can’t say I disagree, but I take it a step further and say it’s more than just peoples’ brains that are imbalanced. It’s their bodies - namely their digestive system. The gut is the second brain, after all. So, yes, they’re unbalanced & unhealthy, but in more areas than just the brain.*

*When we’re taking about imbalances vs traumatic events etc. There are certainly psychological demons many people have to face, too.

CBT is the answer to everything here too.

You’re correct. But the brain, in essence, controls the body. Your whole body needs to be cared for and loved.

That aside, some people genuinely like being “depressed” and have no intention of doing anything about fixing it, as it gives them the cacoon of protection of receiving sympathy and not having to go out of their comfort zone to change things up. There is only so much other people can do, in this case, the ball is in their court.

It's An answer here, too, but prescription pharmaceuticals are still more popular I think.

It's what the book is about that I've offered to buy sly. "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns very clearly explains depression & anxiety in clinical terms, and then has a series of short stories about actual patients and their thoughts and how they learned to overcome them, and then has a few written self administered exercises in the back that you do yourself putting pen to paper. It's basically CBT in book form w/ self administered written CBT. I read it, I did the exercises, I learned a lot.

However, when I read it I learned things because of it that I didn't expect to learn. The written exercises have a quantified score that you tally and compare daily. The point is that if you do the written exercises daily, in theory (and usually in practice) your scores will improve along with your thinking & feeling. In my case, despite the value of what I'd learned reading the book, the exercises were so frustrating in the moment because my scores continued to get worse - not better. The value was in having those daily scores to compare and realize my thoughts were getting worse in magnitude & frequency. This all helped me in the process of learning that something was causing it, and eventually I learned what it was and how to deal with it via medicine. There actually was a chemical imbalance due to diet/meds/mineral deficiencies caused by the meds etc & a very simple antidote to get rid of the excess food acids that were messing with my brain. Supplementing magnesium & sulphur via epsom salts on my skin was the answer to that.

But still, while it actually did require chemistry to change my thinking (I was essentially unknowingly poisoning myself & the resulting depression and anxiety was basically a food acid induced drug trip.), there's still TREMENDOUS value in reading/listening to this book. You really do learn a LOT about how the mind works, and how thoughts work to create our emotions. This is the psychiatric clincal version of the explanation of the workings of the mind and thought processes that countless self help authors have explained in their own ways. It's a little dryer, but the stories are good. The straight up clinically worded knowledge is second to none. Self help guru type books are still fantastic reads, but for the depressed mind, this is the book to read as it's written to speak to that audience - and written very, very well. Otherwise I wouldn't recommend it nor offer to buy a copy for sly. There's a reason it's sold more than 4 Million copies and counting.

Yes, everything needs to be in balance.. yes, the brain controls the body, but the digestive system assists the brain in doing so. There are more signals sent up the vagus nerve from the gut to the brain than the other way around from the brain to the gut. The gut is the other half of the equation that needs to be balanced in order for the whole interconnected system to function properly.

Mmmmhmm. I know it's sly's decision to take action and do anything differently in terms of learning about himself or how to treat his depression and no one can make him decide to do so. It just seems.. strange, that he would post his frequent depressed or suicidal thoughts, yet never express any desire to overcome them via some form of treatment(s) with the exception of his false belief that having a girlfriend will magically fix everything. Then again, in the very next breath he tell us the countless reasons why he'll "never," get a girlfriend, so maybe attaching getting a girlfriend (which he says is impossible) to curing his depression is sly's roundabout way of not treating his depression so he doesn't have to stop getting attention & sympathy for it? Hmmm. Sly, we'd all rather give you attention & encouragement to be happier, instead. It'd be more fun for all of us, really, especially you.

Do you have to make assumptions on people like that? You just said a major part of the problem; he believes a girlfriend is the key to his happiness, and he believes getting a girlfriend is impossible for him. That's a negative feedback loop.

He needs to break it by
a) getting a girlfriend
b) somehow altering his beliefs

People like you accusing him of just trying to get attention only make things harder for his self esteem. Try to be more understanding and less condescending.