Slys dating site advice help thread.

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It’s not strange. Attention and sympathy is a band aid. A temporary fix because a permanent fix to the problem is too difficult.

If anything i find it disappointing that so many people value pity parties instead of trying to help people help themselves. It’s like every pity party supporter is holding a needle of heroin instead of a detox kit.

I said "maybe," not "I assume that."

I know it's a negative feedback loop of his. I've been reading it for years. He doesn't recognize that it is yet, so refuses to even consider doing anything about it.

This whole thread is about, "a) getting a girlfriend." But what 50+ pages of posts are advising sly, advice at his request remember, are that he's putting the cart before the horse & that he'd have a much better chance of getting a girlfriend if he dealt with his mental health first. "b) somehow altering his beliefs," that's what 50+ pages of posts are trying to do.

He wouldn't be accused of seeking attention & sympathy if it didn't appear that way to anyone. He's been posting about his depressed thoughts, distorted world view, and suicidal feelings for 5 years. He receives all kinds of advice on how to try dealing with those things & seemingly completely ignores all of it as if he'd prefer to continue thinking and feeling the way he does. Multiple people on the forums have concluded that he may in fact be doing it for the attention and sympathy he receives, and that's why he refuses to try to treat his depression. As a logical thinking aspie, what other conclusion makes more sense than that? While I'm logical and this seems to add up, I'm certainly open to other possibilities.

The thing is that many of us are understanding. We've been in depressed states of mind before. That's why people offer various solutions that have worked for them. Sly seems to prefer his depressive state to any possible improvement. That's why he's getting much more blunt advice from people now.

If the gut is the second brain then the brain's gut is the guts second brain and that means that the brain is it's own second brain. You might even say that the brain has a mind of its own.

There's a difference between a pity party and not kicking a guy while he's down. Accusing Sly of being nothing more than an attention seeker is unfair.

This right here is why I will very rarely give sly, or others like him, a "Oh, you poor thing.." sort of response. Instead I'll post a positive, constructive, suggestion for how he might improve himself and overcome the things that constrain him from getting what he wants.

Aside: If I really didn't like him I'd either be mean/rude to him, or simply ignore him. But that's not the case. Sly is challenging & frustrating with his extreme resistance to help to the nth degree.. but still, being someone who doesn't give up on things, I'll continue to suggest he be open to the possibility that he can in fact think & feel better if he works on it. It's just my nature.

No one kicks sly when he's down except sly.

How is it unfair? That's what it seems he's doing, so, people are calling him out for it.

At what point are we allowed to think it might be attention seeking behaviour? Is 5 years of him repeating the same complaints & shooting down useful advice not long enough for us to make that sort of judgement? Do we have to read it for 10 years before we're allowed to probe for his underlying motivations to ignore the advice he's requesting and continue with the same complaints?

Last edited by goldfish21 on 01 Feb 2018, 5:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

No, it isn’t. It really is the way it looks after several years. He even said in a post that he comes here for sympathy, not to be helped. That’s all well and good, but it’s unreasonable to expect everyone is cool about watching someone serially just destroying themselves and making no attempts at wanting to feel better. This is not just someone who needs to vent every now and then. We’re talking chronic posts about the same thing over and over again. I offered to help him find meetups to go to and he agreed. I spend an hour finding heaps and they get ignored. That isn’t the action of someone being “unfair”.

A lot of people complain on this site. But that’s okay. The majority of people don’t get accused of being attention seekers, and the few that do (I can think of only two people that stand out) get it for a reason.

Yes cause you’re all parts of my imagination and only I exist the world isn’t real.
No wait the world is real and full of other people who make their own decisions of who I have no control over which means outside forces effect my life boyish what I can control. Blows a hole i your whole I control everything and it’s all my fault no women will date me, sure it has nothing to do with most women demanding a well off guy with a car. No I’m sure thst has not single gosh dam thing to do with it. Lol you people are so annoying irritating funny. Nick was the same as me. He don’t have s good job or car either and women wouldn’t date him either. He got lucky and found another aspie with similar situation who didn’t care. Such women are rare. So if I don’t meat most women’s requirements they won’t date me and that’s not my freaking fault. So yes I am the freaking victim a superficial society. If society wasn’t superficial women wouldn’t care about a mans income or car status and my chances of finding a woman solely based off my personality would be a lot higher. But that’s. It the USA the USA is highly superficial and most women do care about a mans income and car status and it’s a big no no date if you lack them. Which as a disabled person living off s tiny i don’t have what they require. That’s that simple it’s not overly complicated as you’d like to make it or simple. There Agee tons of things we don’t have control over thwtneffect us. That’s the world. Sorry but you don’t have control over a lot of your life other people do. You boss controls a lot of your life, the government does to, thy do stuff that effects you that you have zero control over no matter how much mental thought your put into it.

No amount of happy hippie thought will make women date me who don’t see me as a real man due to my income and car status, none.

. I want actual help. Not “ s**t up and leave wp or get a real job, lose wieght and buy a car” that’s lik telling a parazlized guy to just shut up or walk. He can’t walk.
I’m permanently disabled whether you like it or not. I don’t care. It is what it is I can’t work full time so things like a better job, cars and stuff is impossible somany advice to get those things or just be happy alone isn’t good advice, advice like hey let me helpmwrit a ad for you, let me help you write messages etc is the help I need thst or getting set up with women. Actual helpful advice. I have just as much writ to be here and post as anyone else. If you don’t like it ignore my threads and posts. I’ve never seen yiu or anyone else do what you do to me to women doing the same thing as me. You and goldfish have ruined my thread and my other threads. I have no interest in your non help
You offered actual help but then ignored me and now just offer nonnhelp telling me to shut up.

Thanks that’s all they do. They follow me around too

I started this thread to get help with writing messages and replies tomwomen. And theyve turned it into this. I’m so tired of being told to just man up find a full time job and buy a car. If I could I would have already I really can’t handle full to,e work I hardly handle 3-4;5 hour days . They just don’t get it but won’t oewve me alone
. All goldfish diesnis make me feel like crap. I’m tried if it it’s stressing me out and making me feel sucicidial but he won’t stop until I kill myselft it feels

Your mood has a lot more to do with it than you acknowledge. Even if you never made any more money or had a car again, if your mood was improved you'd be more attractive to women. Period. With your mood improved, though, you may just be able to earn more money and afford a car again, too. Yes, money and cars are baseline requirements for a lot of people as they're indicators that the "whole package," of a guy is a datable guy. We've all talked in circles about this stuff. So, if you believe money and a car would make you more datable, what is your plan to work towards obtaining those things in your life again? THAT's our point, sly. Whether to work towards a better mood, or towards more money & a car etc - whichever path you choose - people who acknowledge themselves as being unattractive to most potential partners who want to have a partner need to work on themselves in order to become more attractive. That's the way it works. It's not the way I think it is and am telling you. It's literally the way it works. Complaining that women aren't attracted to unattractive men isn't going to make them attracted to suicidally depressed people with not a whole lot going for them. It's infinitely easier, as hard as it is, to change yourself to be more attractive than it is to convince the whole world to change what they're attracted to.

You're not a victim of a superficial society. If anything you're a victim of your own depression, but that's debatable since you seem to thrive on it.

I'm glad you're at least acknowledging what most women expect of a potential partner. Rather than simply say "I'm not those things, I don't possess those things," why not take it one step further and say "I will become those things. I will obtain those things," and work on yourself and your wealth until you get what you want out of life?

At some point you have to take some personal responsibility and accept that You are in control of You. No one else is holding you back from treating & overcoming your depression. It's just you, sly. You are the only one that can decide to do the things you need to do to think and feel better. Literally no one else is holding you back except for you. It's a really weird phenomenon to read from someone, truly, as my attitude towards all of this stuff has always been "No one is going to stop me from doing it, not even me."

What are you even talking about? Noone here has told you to shut up and get a real job. As far as I’m concerned, working part time in retail is a real job. Why wouldn’t it be?

I fail to see how suggesting 50 meetups in your area is ignoring a request for help.

If you don’t want people on your threads you aren’t interested in seeing opinions from, don’t write on a public forum, set up a private chat group.

This is what the thread was for. Not for people to bash me and tell me to just be a real man. Or bash me into buying a car.
I just wanted help in what to message women. Or what to say in my Craiglist ad.

If I understand, you don't want people to tell you to lose weight, get a full time job, get a car, or move to an area with better public transportation, correct?

It might help people help you if you detailed what kind of things you consider to be help.

I dont know abiut you but to me “stop complaining “ is the same as shut up.

And lots of people in this thread including goldfish tell me I wrong snd I can work full time and I need to work more hours and find sberrer job.

I never got to even respond as this thread has been nothing but crap since,
Most of those don’t work unless I was to quit my job. I’d already looked at most of them
They take place weekday nights while I work. Most meet ups resolve around well off people who work 9-5 m-f, I work nights. I’m working from 2pm-11 pm so a meet up across town at 7 pm is a no go.
I’ve contacted disability services to try to get thst government paid person whol hang out with me. Hopefully they take. Me to some kind of social gathering I just hope I don’t get a woman.

No one is bashing you to buy a car. I’ve seen people suggest buying a car as an option, but the only reason a car is mentioned at all is because you keep bringing it up. I only recall once where I lost my temper at something you said and I felt bad about it 5 minutes later and take full responsibility.

Since you think I’m a thread ruiner who apparently follows you around (I don’t follow you around, I post everywhere), I won’t be posting in here again.

You know how to contact me if you want help to help yourself, or acknowledgement for giving something a go. Good luck.

Last edited by hale_bopp on 01 Feb 2018, 5:52 am, edited 3 times in total.