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you guys need to go to parties/bars/clubs

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Eggman
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30 Nov 2009, 1:44 am

makuranososhi wrote:
Eggman wrote:
why do people say we need to do things we actually dont need to al all. Don't they know what need means?


Need is subjective, Eggman. Your needs aren't the same as mine, save at the most basic of levels.


M.


That is my point, The subjuct was we need...maybe that person who posted this needed, but definatly can not say we all need this. I won't die or anything by not going to these so I don't need it.


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DeaconBlues
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30 Nov 2009, 2:03 am

Read the thread title again. "You guys need to go to parties/bars/clubs." Not "You might want to try this," but "You need to do this," with a clear implication that following the OP's instructions will work for any of us, and turn us all into nice little NT-imitating party animals, and ignoring the advice will doom us to die alone before being eaten by our eighteen cats.

For myself, I've been married twice. I met my first wife in a bowling alley (I was playing video games, and her son kept coming over and interrupting me); I met the second in an online chatroom after my first wife dumped me for someone with a bigger paycheck. I've tried going to bars, clubs, etc; bars are crowded and smelly, parties are generally held by people who neither know nor care for me, and the only club I've ever been to that was tolerable was a goth club in San Diego, with a really huge speaker next to the dance floor (I would stand in front of the speaker, where no one would try to talk to me, and enjoy the feel of the bass vibrating through my body).

You know, not all of us feel that we need to socialize any better than we already do; not all of us feel that we need to "hook up" with someone of the opposite gender whose major upside seems to be that he/she might find us attractive after a few drinks. Some of us can maintain a perfectly fulfilling social life without doing any of those things the NT world tells us me must find fascinating.


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makuranososhi
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30 Nov 2009, 2:15 am

Need is a word that has more than a literal meaning; I've learned this the hard way. As was said before, it is all too often used as in "you need to see this" when "you should really see this" would be more technically correct and semantically satisfying. For the third time, needs are subjective - when one expresses need, it is from their own perspective and not always an insistence or demand upon others.


M.


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30 Nov 2009, 3:31 am

roadGames wrote:
I know you all hate the idea, and I used to be terrified of gigantic groups of strangers talking to each other, but really they are the perfect place to hone your socializing abilities. Make friends with some more extroverted nerds or look for a wingman group on the internet, and things will change. Let's say you do make an ass out of yourself or get rejected by some girl, do you think she's going to remember it tomorrow? Probably not, because you're one of 20 or so guys that approached her that night if she's even barely decent looking.

Sure, at a bar or club, you are not likely to find that cute INTP girl we all want to date. However, once you do meet her at work or school, talking to her and getting her interested in you is going to be a piece of cake because you've had some success in what are easily the most competitive environments for meeting women. Girls want fun, confident guys (yes, that's a very loaded word), even the asperger's or INTP girls. They'll deny it all they want, but it's true.

In the last 4 weeks of doing this, I've probably approached more women than I have in my entire life before then, been rejected/sabotaged initial attraction more times than I care to count (I used to think this was a big deal, ahahaha), and gotten more numbers and dates than I've had in my entire life. I actually broke a girl's heart last week by not calling her, and she's been whining to her friend who relayed the message back to me. It's not that I take pride in being called a heartbreaker, but it's just something so bizarre and alien to me. I didn't think I had that capability as an autistic.

It's also a tad bit depressing to realize all the really cool women you could've hooked up with but didn't because you totally missed all of the signals. At the same time it's a bit empowering, too. Probably the most crucial thing I've learned is that you MUST watch the eyes, even if you don't know what it means now, you will learn eventually.

Guys, joining a wingman group will save your life and you won't need to be posting here anymore attempting to analyze the BS language or behavior of some girl who "friend zoned" you.


Good idea mate.



KenM
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30 Nov 2009, 5:56 am

I really hate large groups of people. I hate bars, clubs, parties where it is so loud you can't hear yourself think, let alone talk and get to know someone you just met. Plus why would I go to a club and pretent I enjoy that kind of thing just to get a girl? I would be dishonest not only to the girl but to myself.



Ambivalence
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30 Nov 2009, 8:57 am

DeaconBlues wrote:
and the only club I've ever been to that was tolerable was a goth club in San Diego.

Mmm, goth clubs (well, the two I've been in, anyway!) are nicer environments than other clubs.


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30 Nov 2009, 9:06 am

Ambivalence wrote:
DeaconBlues wrote:
and the only club I've ever been to that was tolerable was a goth club in San Diego.

Mmm, goth clubs (well, the two I've been in, anyway!) are nicer environments than other clubs.


U mean gogo bars? They re good.



hartzofspace
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30 Nov 2009, 3:03 pm

I remember reading NT oriented dating advice, and it was always urging women to pretend to like things like sports and computers in order to find a guy. :roll: I always wondered, And then what?


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Yupa
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30 Nov 2009, 3:12 pm

Hate the idea? No, I love it. I find strobe lights extremely relaxing to my eyes and enjoy large dark places with lots of people. There's just something beautiful and calming about it.
I do go to clubs and concerts from time to time and I've made a surprising amount of friends that way. Whether that's an ideal way of either getting laid or finding love... well, those are different questions entirely, and very open to debate.



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30 Nov 2009, 3:16 pm

Ambivalence wrote:
DeaconBlues wrote:
and the only club I've ever been to that was tolerable was a goth club in San Diego.

Mmm, goth clubs (well, the two I've been in, anyway!) are nicer environments than other clubs.


They are. People in the Goth scene are usually very nice and personable, and fights and rowdy idiots are rare to nonexistent on a Goth/Industrial club night, and even the bad music sometimes played there is more tolerable than a lot of the other club music I've been exposed to.
There are a few obnoxious frat boys and creepy old men who wander in from time to time at the Goth night around here but that's probably due to it having fetish shows and pole dancing performances for multi-demographic appeal.



techstepgenr8tion
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30 Nov 2009, 5:44 pm

hartzofspace wrote:
I remember reading NT oriented dating advice, and it was always urging women to pretend to like things like sports and computers in order to find a guy. :roll: I always wondered, And then what?

That's why its pickup art and not relationship art. If someone's looking for a disposable interest and is willing to build the whole thing on fantasy for a one night game - it works. Anything past that, no reality because there's no basis for a real relationship.



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01 Dec 2009, 2:04 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
hartzofspace wrote:
I remember reading NT oriented dating advice, and it was always urging women to pretend to like things like sports and computers in order to find a guy. :roll: I always wondered, And then what?

That's why its pickup art and not relationship art. If someone's looking for a disposable interest and is willing to build the whole thing on fantasy for a one night game - it works. Anything past that, no reality because there's no basis for a real relationship.


Very well put!


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01 Dec 2009, 2:34 pm

therange wrote:
BigK wrote:
If you don't feel happy with yourself that will be visible to others and make you seem less attractive.


I can vouch for that firsthand. When I happen to leave the house, I notice significantly less strangers pointing me out or laughing at me because I'm more comfortable in my own skin. As a guy, even if you're good looking and you seem uncomfortable in your own skin, it opens up the door for criticism and ridicule. Not saying it's justified, but it's just how NT's operate.

Fair enough... i can feel comfortable being myself, but as it stands, I have no purpose in life, no reason to exist. Without that, I feel as though I'm just leeching off the world...


Quote:
Losing weight and improving your look will 1.)Make you feel more confident. 2.)You'll look better on top of the confidence, and then you'll have a significantly better chance of landing your dream woman.
I've tried to lose weight before, but it's largely hampered by the fact that, without someone there that loves me, the only thing that makes me feel good at all is eating.

If I knew that, once I got below a certain point (say, 180 pounds), I would instantly get a girlfriend, diet and exercise would come a lot easier to me knowing that my efforts would be rewarded. But alas, we all know that the world doesn't operate that way (and anybody that does think it works that way needs a reality check)...


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Toad's other problem, though, is that he overanalyzes things to death. I know a lot of Aspies do, but it's like he has it programmed in his head the way he MUST meet the girl of his dreams, and he's not open to easier possibilities.
Easier possibilities than what? I'll practically take any single woman near my age that shows any interest in me. Unfortunately, there's pretty much no women with those three qualities (single, close in age, likes me) that exist anywhere on this planet. In fact, even if I took out the singleness and age requirements, you still wouldn't be able to find anyone. Because nobody likes me...



therange
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01 Dec 2009, 4:12 pm

Toad, your problem is that you want instant results (a girlfriend) without doing any work.

I don't know you well, but from the posts I've read it seems as though you're happy being miserable and want a girlfriend to accept that. And even if you got your girlfriend right now, you would turn her off and she'd leave you with your bad attitude unless she were as negative as yourself.

So basically you have a few options.

1.)Keep complaining and talk about how no one could ever love you.
2.)Find a girlfriend as miserable as yourself.
3.)Change your outlook and your life and be happier and then get a quality girlfriend.

It's up to you.



HopeGrows
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02 Dec 2009, 2:44 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Fair enough... i can feel comfortable being myself, but as it stands, I have no purpose in life, no reason to exist. Without that, I feel as though I'm just leeching off the world...


So find a purpose in life. There are plenty of ways to help people, animals, the environment, etc. Seriously, there is no relationship that will validate you or your life. When a nice woman comes along, you'll either have something to offer her (a healthy guy with enough self-esteem to take care of himself; a guy who's making a contribution to the world) - or you won't. Yes, it will take hard work to become that guy - but you can either do the work and become a better person (and quite possibly attract a nice girl in the process), or just keep making excuses and complaining that the way the world works doesn't suit you. It's all up to you.



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04 Dec 2009, 6:43 am

No ammo to kill yourself? Here, borrow mine.