How many people here are polyamorous?

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I am not poly-amorous, don't think I could be either. I just prefer the though of having a girlfriend. I get quickly jealous and I would hate hearing about other people my girlfriend has been intimate with. And I kinda like the idea of it being just me and her.

I probably could be happy in a poly-amorous relationship. But I think it would be very important that both parts has a separate sexual relationship so none would get jealous. At least I would get jealous if I knew she was intimate with others while I'm being alone.

I would think poly-amorous relationships are easier for the girl, since there are more guys who wants a relationships like that.

Personally, I would NEVER consider that kind of relationship. I wouldn't want to share my boyfriend with other people...

I am very comfortable with the idea of poly relationships. I don't want the same level of constant companionship as many other people do so being in a secondary relationship with two people who are each others primary is very appealing. I've been in a situation similar to that twice and it worked very well for me. There's less scope for jealousy issues in that kind of arrangement than three people who are equal partners (though of course that does work for many people).

I've never really considered it before just recently, but given my current romantic situation... basically, I was dating this one girl up until about September of this year. I loved her very much, and I know she cared about me, but there were a few issues with my behavior and outlook that she had problems with. It culminated in an incident at an anime convention in Denver, it wasn't anything particularly bad, mostly a misunderstanding, but it still got me booted from the university anime club of which we were both members, and later that week after meeting her for a World of Darkness RPG character creation session, she told me she couldn't handle it anymore and was breaking up with me.

She did at least say that she thought I was a good friend, and that if possible, she wanted to remain friends with me. I thought she was amazing and wanted to stay her friend, so that was ok with me, but over the next few months we flipped between being ok spending time with one another and fighting to the point of renouncing the other. I think I deleted her from my Facebook several times, only to add her again once things started getting better.

In the end, she went out with a friend of mine from our World of Darkness troupe, they are still dating as of now, however they are both aware that my feelings for her still remain. The guy (I'll call him 'Snowball' because that was the name of the spectral hound he played in our last WoD campaign) is graduating from our university at the end of this coming semester, and he plans to move back to his home in Minnesota afterwards. He told me this before he asked her out, that regardless of how things went he was more than likely going to go back to being friends with her once he leaves since he's not all that good with long-distance relationships. She is aware of this, which is why their relationship probably won't get very serious.

The good thing about this is that it has helped me realize the boundaries she's set for us as friends, and now that I know those limits she has no issue spending time with me, either alone or as part of our RPG group. In fact, we've become closer as friends than we ever have when we were together, in the emotional sense. I've learned a lot more about her, who she is, what she likes, what she hates, what her plans are for the future, and most importantly, what she wants out of her significant other.

To be honest, I am optimistic of the chances of us getting back together in a romantic relationship once her and 'Snowball' separate. She's told me before that she feels a good relationship requires a good friendship as a foundation, and we've definitely become better friends than we were before I asked her out a year ago. Furthermore, she's told me that while she feels our breakup was necessary at the time, that she still enjoyed dating me, and that I was a very sweet and romantic guy when I was at my best. She told me that the reasons she had for breaking up with me were not absolute - she says that she wanted me to have more confidence in myself, and that that was impossible for me to achieve while we were together. The prospect of a second relationship between us has come up several times, and while she told me the chances were slim at the time, that later on she might be willing to accept it if I were to change and become someone a bit more in control of my life and confident in myself - in other words, she has never once given me an absolute 'no' as an answer to that question.

Thanks to her influence, I've come a long way and gained a lot of confidence... even as my friend I can tell she believes I have potential and is driving me to reach that potential. Part of me even thinks that she WANTS me to ask her out again, that all of this has merely been her plan to help me with the problems that doomed our last relationship, so that she can have a second, better one with me. However, while 'Snowball' is fine with me spending time alone with her, and trusts that I would not try and sabotage their relationship so long as it exists, the fact remains that until they separate, all I can do is be her friend and observe what it is she might want from me.

The only problem I have (and this is a bit NSFW, you have been warned) is that I have a very high sex drive, and while normally I would be fine being her friend, I am still attracted to her emotionally and physically. Sometimes it can be hard for me to see her and 'Snowball' together because I end up longing for her touch, and this longing interferes with my emotions and makes it harder for me to accept that we're just friends for now - something that I need to keep in mind if there's going to be the chance of us being more than that in the future.

I talked to, of all people, my ex about it - she and I have reconnected after being estranged for almost 2 years, and she approves of this girl as a match for me and is hopeful for us getting back together. Ironically, she is suffering from the same problem. She was interested in a guy and wanted a relationship with him, but he blew her off.

We both decided that it was actually a good idea to seek a casual partner - not even a relationship but rather a friends with benefits type thing - to help slake our physical urges so that we could concentrate on the emotional side of our respective potential relationships. I thought - and my ex agrees with my reasoning - that even though I'm still attracted to the one girl, I am still single, and for me to have a purely physical relationship with someone else would not count as cheating unless I got back together in a serious relationship with my one friend. I still want a long-term, serious, emotional relationship with her, but by sleeping around with others it will keep my physical attraction for her from interfering, and will reduce the sense of urgency for our relationship.

So, yeah, even though I'm still set on this one girl for a serious relationship, I can't do anything about it now except wait and be her friend in the meantime. However, I plan to take advantage of the fact that we AREN'T in a relationship to enjoy casual encounters with other women, so long as none of those become serious I should be fine.

I've got a few women from town that I've met online that are interested in me, one of them is going to be in town on the 4th and wants to meet me then. As for my other ex, she lives out of town and it would be difficult to go visit her, however she says that if we were to meet and the status quo hasn't changed, she'd be more than willing to sleep with me even though we both have mutually agreed that a serious relationship between us is not a good idea. After all, we're both just looking for friends with benefits at this point, so if one of us has the time and resources to travel we figured it'd be nice to spend a night together for old time's sake. The two of us were very sexually active during our relationship, and we both know each others bodies and turn-ons quite well, we'd make good causal sex friends if it weren't for the distance factor.

So yeah, even though I'm still in love with this girl, I plan to get out there and enjoy myself with other women at least until I hear for sure whether or not us getting back together is viable. If so, then I'll be happy enough with just that fact that I will be fine being with just her and waiting for her to decide if and when she wants to sleep with me (she's a virgin so the thought hasn't yet crossed her mind with either me or 'Snowball'), if not then at least I will have met some other women with whom a more serious relationship is possibly viable.

I wouldnt mind it so much It would be aweseome to have 7 girlfriends who are all bi and like eachother as well as me hehe.

Is the original poster crazy?

Asking a community of male aspies if they believe in polymory ( or even monogomy) is like asking asking a community of blind people what kind of car they drive, or asking deaf people what their favorite rock band is.

Were all 40 year old virgin types who are too socially inept to get to first base. And you have the nerve to ask us if can fine tune our love lives and sample polymory today, and maybe monogamy next week? How irrelevent can you get?

So why do you ask such an irrelevent question?

I am in a poly relationship. I have 2 boyfriends and I love them both. They are both inverted aspie types. My primary is hopeless at romance type stuff and my number 2 is hopeless at communicating....there is no jealousy involved at all. I met my number 2's parents the other day and I have no idea how they would take me saying I am with 2 men.

What if there was a number 3 boyfriend?

Here's how my situation works; perhaps it will give you the feel for what one poly situation is like, and that it's not necessarily casual nor difficult:

My primary partner J, who lives with me half-time, has another partner (L) with whom he lives when he's not here; he's financially entangled with each of us separately. He also sees a third woman (R) occasionally, but they have frequent online and phone contact. J seems not to prioritize any of us over any of the others emotionally, and he clearly loves all three of us a lot -- it's really more a matter of who's compatible with whom as housemates in addition to being chosen family. He's awesome about communication and affection with me when not in residence here, ditto with the other two when he IS here.

R has a co-residential partner (C) of her own as well as a young daughter and a son who'll be born sometime in the next few months, whereas the other two of us are childfree just as J is. L has a relationship with M as well as with J; I have one with K in addition to J. Not casual, not friends with benefits, actual relationships with commitment and lovelong-term . And long-term, too, for the most part: J and L have been together 15 years, J and R, 10 years; L and M, 8 years; J and myself, 7 years; R and C, 6 years; K and myself, 8 months and still very much in the process of discovering all of the amazing things about each other.

(Also, for what it's worth: J is Aspie/ADD; L is bipolar 1 and ADD; I'm Aspie/ADD; M is bipolar 1; K's probably going to get dx'ed with bipolar and ADD now that he's seeing a shrink shortly after the holiday, having finally admitted that his emotions and logistics of his life have always felt nearly impossible to manage.

There is regular STI testing, and knowledge of who's having sex with whom, and agreement on a common set of safer sex protocols -- we're familiar with what the CDC has to say about the various STIs and can do pretty reasonable risk assessment.

R and myself are friends; J is friendly with C, K, and M; L and myself... can work together pleasantly when needed. (I got too big a dose of her manic phase irritability for me to feel comfortable socializing... I think the same might be true between her and R, not sure)

I identify as neither polyamorous nor monogamous. Perhaps a little more inclined towards mono relationships since they tend to have fewer moving parts... but sheesh, life is good and I love both of my guys, so why change what's working?

Ooh, ooh me! Both my partner and my prospective one are AS too

Yay! I'm not the only one.

Although I guess that at this point I am probably poly-curious or monoflexible. Fancy words are fancy.

I will read through other posts when I am not supposed to be homeworking.

*is not alone* *happydance*

I wouldnt mind being in a polyamorous relationship if neither other partners got jelous and loved eachother equally!