What do you think are some major causes of Aspie rejection?

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Weight loss is slow. You don't want weight loss anyway, its just muscle and water. What people want fat loss.

Look at the equation e = mc².

Energy (less than what your body needs to do so it burns fat) = Matter (Your food) x the speed of light squared ((299,792,458)²)

Basically what thats telling you is there is a CRAPLOAD of energy from every piece of food you eat. To burn off large amounts of fat, you really, and I mean really have to change your diet. Diet is 99% of fat loss, excersise 1%. (and looking at that equation, you can see why)

I am an average weight bordering chubby, and even I have HUGE struggles just fitting into my clothes every day.

I know weight/fat-loss is slow. I wish people would stop telling me that. I've been fat for 11 years so I KNOW how slow it is. I have changed my diet a lot already. Do I have to be a f*****g vegan in order to get a man? Too bad, I love meat too much. Sometimes I feel that I won't be gorgeous enough to get a man until I hit menopause. :/

nick007 - if a man is just as unstable as I am, we'd be yelling at each other all the time and we'd be miserable. I'm not asking for someone better than me, just someone who is more emotionally stable. They can have issues elsewhere, I just get even more upset when I'm around someone who's pissed off all the time. I.E. my mother and brother. D:

The reason is pretty simple, our kind lacks the social skills necessary to attract someone. You have to have very good social skills, you need to be able to read non-verbal cues and you need confidence, all the main tools people with Aspergers are missing. The truth is a guy who is clueless in what to do and one who is too shy is what women don't want. It doesn't matter how nice you are. A women will not give you a chance unless you are presentable or appeal to her in some way. Without that, she won't even give you a chance.

I find this attitude defeatist -- we have some very smart people on these boards, and some of us are in relationships or even long-term marriages (like me). Yes, not all of us are full Aspie, so that helps, but I had a boss who was full Aspie and married to another, and they seemed quite happy together.

I'm of the opinion that if you want something enough, you'll apply yourself to solutions and learning about it until you can get it. People here are smart enough to self-educate and get professional help if needed -- no one says you have to "lone it" when it comes to most things in life.

Temple Grandin case in point -- someone with high-functioning Autism, who went on to become not only respected for her courage in the face of adversity, but professionally respected as someone who is a master in her field. It didn't come as a result of her giving up and resigning herself to her disabilities -- instead, it pushed her harder.

I do understand falling into a funk or depression because of repeated rejections or failures -- it happens to all of us. Before I met my wife, I was at my lowest point socially, but made a promise to myself to fix my attitude and go out and try again. It paid off.

Life is too short to spend moping about what could be -- go get it. Even if you never reach the goal, it will be more fun than sitting around pouting.

i consider this really, really good advice. i don't know how to put this exactly, but i'm noticing that many people on the WP boards fixate on the things they believe are missing from their lives, and sometimes seem to want to fill a hole in their experience without trying to improve things overall. perhaps this is because as aspies we tend to get stuck on details instead of seeing things as a whole.

i honestly, truly believe that if a person wants to get that love or sex or friendship, then the best route is to work to try to incrementally improve every other area of his/her life. because the better everything else is going, the better chances a person will have to get to that elusive goal. when an aspie becomes all-consumed and fixated with his or her own loneliness or virginity it becomes a huge turn-off to potential partners and friends. it is better to become a happier/more contented/more confident person internally, which will attract others.

in my opinion, there is no luck involved.

Then be prepared to be single for a long, long time. Your obviously not as committed to improving yourself as your letting on.

I'm there with you -- weight loss is hard. You might need to try a bunch of different diets to find the one that works for your particular genes and lifestyle. Have you tried the Warrior Diet yet? It's working for me -- eat fruits and nuts all day, and then a good-sized dinner at night. The big meal at the end of the day makes sure your metabolism doesn't slow down from not eating much during the daytime. Since switching to this, I don't get cravings at night anymore for dessert, nor do I find myself stuffing my face every meal or snacking. I do feel my energy ebb a bit, but I still feel better than I did with 3 square meals or 5 small ones, and I'm not starving at night anymore or losing muscle mass.

This is the most mind-boggling paradox in the history of the world. So I have to improve myself, become a better person, etc etc. Okay, that makes sense, I guess. And about not wanting a relationship? Trust me, if I could flip a switch and shut down the loneliness I feel now, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But then the issue arises in that, if you don't want a relationship anymore, what's going to happen if that girl you're truly compatible with does come along? Keep in mind that in this situation, I'm happy by myself and am not looking for a relationship anymore. So that's a completely blown opportunity. Sure, I guess being happy by myself in that situation beats where I am now, but is it really worth rendering myself a complete loner that is going to die completely forgotten?

Weight loss is slow but it's not decades slow. I gained about 40 pounds when I got pregant and it took me about a year after my daughter's birth to lose it. Weight loss is measured in months, not days but also not years.

Another option is to turn your focus to men who are heavier than you. I know they are out there. I see them all the time and they often post here about how hard it is to get a girlfriend when overweight. Lots of heavy women are paired up (just look around). The thing is...they're often paired up with heavy men.

In any case, if you stick with a program, it should take about a year for the weight to come off.

I don't think that isolating yourself was hyperlexian's advice -- it was more that not being lonely or not being in a relationship shouldn't become a single-minded obsession to the point that you are making yourself miserable in the face of rejection or lack of progress, losing the forest for the trees.

So much of what a person should like about you has to do with things other than your personal dedication to being loved -- do you have the same hobbies as her, same sense of humor, great stories to tell, great activities to do together, etc. Those things are slowly built, not "Ok, I have a GF now, time to figure out what the rest of my personality is."

And like I and other people have mentioned, wanting a relationship too badly leads to a path where your standards fall, where you seem desperate, where you actually devalue yourself. The more failure or rejection you encounter in this mindset, the further you fall. Instead, if you are confident in yourself as a person, you get rejected, it stings, but you say to yourself, "Oh well, their loss" and move on, and have other things to make yourself happy in the interim.

And yeah, it's a huge paradox. I remember how amazingly frustrating a paradox it was, how maddening it was that I couldn't get it, and how obnoxious it is that only once you get a GF does everything suddenly snap into place, and then the demand for you as a prospect goes up with other women. Then when you're single again, it's very easy to fall back into desperation -- I know this firsthand.

Then the switch flips back by itself. I am married to a man I met after I decided to take a break from the whole idea of relationships. This isn't unique. It's actually pretty common. There are a lot of people who get into a stable relationship but only after they stop looking for a relationship. But you have to really mean it. If you just pretend to yourself that you aren't looking but a part of your mind really is, the other part of your mind won't be fooled.

I have pondered this paradoz for quite awhile and the conclusion I've come to is this:

The paradox is a filtering system. When it's in effect it stands in the way of incompatible people getting together. When this filtering system is turned off, you wind up with the very first person who says yes. This person is unlikely to be compatible. This is exactly what happened to you. When the filter goes into effect, it filters out the people who are incompatible with you- the people who are saying yes simply because they haven't installed their own paradoxical filter.

Back in the day I pursued a relationship just because I was lonely. I wound up with a man entirely incompatible with me (but equally lonely). We shared a failed relationship. It dissolved simply because we weren't remotely compatible. He didn't have an acrimonious embattled split with lots of angry words because we weren't actually angry. We were just incompatible and it fell apart like the house of cards it was. After him, I installed the "done with relationships" mindset and met my husband about a year later. The filter turns off automatically (some sort of psychological kill-switch) once an actually compatible person is met. So don't worry about shutting yourself off from a compatible woman by adopting this mindset.

i should clarify that i didn't say that a person should completely stop wanting a relationship - just that it should stop being the be-all to end-all focus of their existence.

also, part of the paradox is that if you become happier WITH yourself, you are happier BY yourself, and you can be less desperate for external gratification. then, like Janissy suggested, if love/sex/friendship comes across your path, you can have an emotionally healthy relationship (as opposed to a desperate and dysfunctional relationship).

No, you don't have to be a "f*cking vegan" Protein is a huge part of weight loss. Fresh fruit and vege, lean meat and nuts, the stuff humans were made to eat. And getting pissy at people trying to help isn't going to do you any good either.

I think Erisad has the same problem Toad has...an attitude problem. Plenty of people are attracted to overweight people or don't care that much about physical appearance...but a bad attitude is an instant turnoff.

I'm convinced both you and Toad would have a partner if you dropped the whole "I'm unlovable" thing. People don't want people with rock-bottom self-esteem. That's why you only get guys that want you for sex. If you were more friendly and upbeat, you'd meet a guy that would think "She's not the greatest looking girl in the world, but she has a kick-a$$ personality."

My male cousin has a body like Cartman from South Park and is face is average to below average, and because he has a good outlook on life he has a pretty fiancee.

Agreed -- I know a couple of heavy women whose personalities I like far more than their thinner counterparts. If I was a BBW fetishist, boom, you have the perfect GF.

Hale_bopp - I know that I lash out a people a bit and I apologize for it. I guess it could be a result of my going cold-turkey on my anti-depressants. I have been eating lean meats, fruit, veggies and some nuts (I'm not a fan of them personally). I just get frustrated when I see that all of my friends are more attractive than me and they eat whatever they want and never exercise. D:

foreveryoung- Trust me, if I could instantly love myself and be happy all the time, I would but it doesn't work that way. I can't just get over it overnight. I am relatively friendly and bubbly at school (granted, that's when I was on the pills) because I'm happy there. I'm angry when I'm at home because I hate it there. Even when I'm happy at school, it doesn't do me any good. :/