How low can you go?

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So one should always look left and right, cheat till getting the "best" partner?

It definitely would not. You seem to constantly devalue yourself and it is hurting you.

What is there to value?

You really don't want to better yourself do you?

You tell us Toad. What are your good points?

If it is any consolation, I am 220 lbs, 5'5''. So your not alone. I am 220 not 240, but still I have a lot to work on.

Last edited by Bugzee on 25 Jun 2010, 4:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Change your eating habits(portion control and no corn syrup) and start doing burpees (google it) no time like the present to improve yourself.

Well I'm a classically-trained singer and I'm on track to completing a bachelor's degree in information technology, but other than the degree providing a better job, I don't see how any of that is relevant to my situation... those talents don't compensate for being innately unable to understand social subtleties. If I was able to understand them, I could more readily determine if a woman likes me, as opposed to having to assume she doesn't unless there's definitive proof to the contrary, as I do now... I mean, sure, I read the books on it and I try to practice it, but while I can gain at least a theoretical understanding of everything, putting it into practice, in real-time and everything, is just impossible for me. My brain simply doesn't have the power to handle the social processing consciously...

Stop right there! This is a major asset and I can't believe you aren't capitalizing on it. Women love a man with a good singing voice.

Take a tip from Susan Boyle (and pardon the gender reversal, the point remains): when an excellent voice comes out of the mouth of somebody with frumpy looks (as you have described yourself in so many words), heads turn and jaws drop.

Unless you are doing solos in the church choir, your voice is blending in indistinguishably with everybody else's in the choir. You need to find a way to unleash that voice outside of church.

I can honestly say that the singing is a very attractive asset. I don't know if you play instruments too, but girls love singing and musicians for some reason. And the fact that you're getting a degree is a very positive thing. Yes, social skills count for something, but they aren't everything. They will matter more to certain people. Some dumb, unattractive girl might be turned off by your social skills while a more introverted, intelligent girl isn't. Do you have many friends? I think spending time with people in general is more valuable than any book. When I'm with friends and family they can point out when I'm rude and stuff.

The part about "more readily determing if a woman likes you"...I think that's where the self confidence comes in. I think you recognize the low self confidence, but I can't tell if you do. If you are more confident, like yourself a little more, learn to be okay being alone; you'll be much more attractive and I think it will be easier for you to interact with girls. I've had low self confidence and stuff and it is much easier for me to flirt, etc now that I am perfectly fine being alone.

And about what BigK was saying. If I understand what he was saying, then I agree. IMO, it's just not really fair to a girl to settle for her just because she like you. I've been with guys and later realized that I'm unsure whether they actually liked me, or liked having a girlfriend. It's really hurtful. I know this guy...he said last year that he was breaking up with this girl because he didn't like her at all, they hadn't been dating too long (maybe a month). He's still with her a year later because he's "too nice" to break up with her. It's NOT nice to be with someone you don't like because you don't like being alone. That's one reason I hesitate to date anyone.

It's kind of like this song says: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7IGE58IPgo

Well my voice is supposed to blend... any good choral singer needs to not stand out like a sore thumb. And I find it very difficult to sing unless I either have the sheet music in front of me or I memorized the song in question, and I tend to sing only if there's someone waving their hands in front of me. That's all great when people need a semi-deep bass in a choir, but its not going to work if i tried to use my singing voice to woo a lady. I can sing along with a song on the radio if I know it, but even then my lower voice range means I often have to sing it an octave (or even two) down from what the actual song is.

You have no clue whatsoever as to the power you posses! Get that voice out where it can be heard and you will have the women all over you. Seriously you will.

I'm not the one that has to lower my standards, apparently. I'm waiting for the one person who is going to lower theirs. At least in terms of physical appearance.

What should I sing then?

"Walking back to happiness" (made famous by Helen Shapiro)?

How low would I go? Maybe a hot midget, that would be pretty low.

Close but no cigar. Women are both, they are individual objects, like a bag of fertilizer they are all objects but no two bags of manure are exactly the same. Some sacks of dung come from different kinds of livestock, the exact position of the squat, the diverse vegetation that the animals eat, and the unexact science of mixing manure into bags will ensure that no two sacks of poo are exactly alike, but individual.

That was a good compromise. I'm sure the people who think women are objects and the people who think women are individuals have no problem with this compromise and reconcile their differences.


If there is a band that you can't stand because it is too boy bandy then that's the one. Kind of like the same principle of taking a date to see a Twilight movie. Or you could go out with a guitar, stereo with accompanying music, whatever, and ask them to give you a song request, this would also double as a good excuse to approach a lady.