how important are looks to you in a partner?

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SoulcakeDuck
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20 Feb 2011, 12:50 am

Postures wrote:

As long as I find them attractive, then I don't care

Yes, it is rather a custom criteria for each and all.

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Moog
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20 Feb 2011, 6:55 am

Wombat wrote:

When I was young my mother said to me:

"Don't pay too much attention to a girl's looks. After you have been married a few years you won't even NOTICE what she looks like or what she is wearing"

So true.

That is true. We often stop noticing what we see repeatedly. The effect of beauty usually stops working on us after a time. Also works for unattractiveness.

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mangos
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20 Feb 2011, 10:34 am

Space wrote:

case in point:

Last night I was at a school function for my girlfriend. We are entering the couple's phase, and I was being introduced to her friends (all of whom had a boyfriend or are married). I couldn't help but notice the other hot girls at the function, and think girl X is better looking than the one I have, is my girl good looking enough? etc. This has to be insanity? I am trying not to repeat the mistakes I have made in past relationships, but my mind seems to go for the worse when I am actually in a relationship it seems. I think maybe all those years of porn, escorts, drugs, etc. have twisted my thinking a bit. I am really trying to avoid comparing herself or myself to other people, and be content with what we have today. So, I still have some of those feelings, but I recognize that they are crazy and ignore them. Is that about right?

Most people are not going to be the best in terms of any given trait, i.e. even if your girlfriend were a supermodel, there would occasionally be SOMEONE who was still prettier than she is. What's more important is the total package. For instance, if you see a woman who is more attractive than your girlfriend, is she also as smart, or as funny, or as <insert awesome trait here> as your girlfriend, or is her extra beauty at the expense of losing some other trait you value just as much that your girlfriend DOES have? The big picture of who your girlfriend is as a whole is more important than the details of how she sizes up in terms of any particular trait, unless that one trait is somehow way more important to you than any other trait.

Last edited by mangos on 20 Feb 2011, 10:59 am, edited 2 times in total.

Esther
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20 Feb 2011, 10:57 am

I like what you wrote ^^^ there, mangos.

And that is one yummy-looking fruit. Am looking forward to summer when mangos are in abundance.

Space
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20 Feb 2011, 11:03 am

deadeyexx wrote:

Space wrote:

You're experiencing greed. It's the insecurity that remains after being on rock bottom for so long. To get where you are now, it probably took a lot of self-improvement and you're still programmed to keep going. Continuing on that path is an endless cycle, and you need to concentrate on being happy, not better. Especially before you mess up what you have and regress.

I'll bet a lot of guys at that event were jealous of your girlfriend too.

I think you're right. Yes it did take a lot of work to get where I am now... I never even had a real relationship until I was almost 26... So there's always a bit of a chip on my shoulder. That insecurity is hard to completely get rid of, no matter how much life changes for the better.

The girl I am with now is a great match for me.... Educated, very intelligent, kind hearted, doesn't want kids, loves sex, finds me very attractive.... This has not been easy to find. I want this to continue, and don't want to sabotage it out of fear/greed/insecurity.

TeaEarlGreyHot
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20 Feb 2011, 4:54 pm

Wombat wrote:

LOL Yep.

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bee33
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21 Feb 2011, 12:19 am

It's a little disheartening to read how much looks matter to men, or how much of a difference wearing make up makes. I don't wear make up and wouldn't even know how. Heck, I haven't even taken a shower in a few days and my hair looks crazy. Granted, if I were going out I would at least shower and comb my hair, but I still feel like the ugly stepchild.

As far as what I look for in a partner, as others have said, I have to be attracted to him, but he doesn't have to be conventionally good looking,

Lace-Bane
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21 Feb 2011, 2:07 am

If she can win my heart and mind... she is beautiful in my eyes

I tend to see things differently. I've never fallen in love at first sight or with immediate looks. People are generally not that visually exciting to me initially... I usually just see humans and don't trust what I see right away. I've only fallen in love maybe 3 or 4 times (I'm only interested in a partner for true love... I don't like playing games with hearts) and it was only after being around those women long enough and getting to know them and treasuring their company that I found them attractive enough to truly interest me as far as looking for a partner. I mean women actually become shockingly more beautiful to me the more they win over my heart and mind... so I don't hunt for looks... the looks just happen . That may seem odd I've noticed :oops: .

I attribute this to my complicated gray-a nature

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Subotai
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21 Feb 2011, 3:20 am

I would not date an unattractive girl. I like hot, pretty, cute.. But I'd rather be alone than settle.

Probably not going to be the most popular post but it's true and I say it unashamed!

Esther
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21 Feb 2011, 3:28 am

Subotai wrote:

I would not date an unattractive girl. I like hot, pretty, cute.. But I'd rather be alone than settle.

Probably not going to be the most popular post but it's true and I say it unashamed!

You like what you like, so be it.

Now come closer to my hockey stick. :hockey:

Subotai
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21 Feb 2011, 3:32 am

Esther wrote:

Subotai wrote:

I would not date an unattractive girl. I like hot, pretty, cute.. But I'd rather be alone than settle.

Probably not going to be the most popular post but it's true and I say it unashamed!

You like what you like, so be it.

Now come closer to my hockey stick. :hockey:

I'm not falling for that again..

Esther
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21 Feb 2011, 3:34 am

Ha! Fair enough. :mrgreen:

Homer_Bob
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21 Feb 2011, 2:55 pm

More important than I wish for it to be.

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Severus
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21 Feb 2011, 2:59 pm

Ahh, not important at all, as long as the person is clean and supposedly intelligent. Honestly, I don't give half a hoot about how people actually look.

Erisad
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21 Feb 2011, 8:33 pm

To me, not that much. As long as we're compatible personality-wise it's okay. Sadly, most guys don't seem to think that way of me. So if things don't work out with the bf and I, I'm waiting until I lose 80 pounds to try dating again. >.<

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21 Feb 2011, 11:40 pm

If all men demanded women who are beautiful and all women demanded men who are tall, dark, hansom, masculine and rich then only about 1% of people would ever marry.

Look at the movie stars. Two people who are all of the above marry. It should be a perfect match, right?
How long does the average Hollywood marriage last?

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