How many couples have met on this site? (IRL)

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I'm sure some detective work could figure it out, I'm just to lazy - lucky guy (bloke?) though...

I reckon its colonel mustard

NO!! !

LOL Hale if you really *must* know send someone here a PM

I'm surprised he hasn't stormed back and made an appearance actually.

Maybe if I say his name three times he will magically appear....

Ready here it comes.....


























































Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!!

Aspies don't date whatever do they hope to achieve ?

Was it an actual case of him saying "you are not allowed to talk about this?" What would have happened if you did?
The reason I didn't was that I was afraid it would overwhelm him too much; I knew that he'd in the past tried to kill himself over romance, so I worried that too much romance-related drama would push him to that point again.
I complained much more in the forums than through PM; my PMs said things like "I overreacted, but I'm fine really".



I see. If someone threatened to kill themselves on my front lawn, I wouldn't want to talk to them, either.
I guess I was lucky that at the time of the drama I had my studies to focus on; they provided a lifeline for me.



It really hurt me, but I didn't feel like I had the right to be angry: after all, why shouldn't happy people express their happiness (forgetting the fact that when he expressed romantic feelings for me almost a year before that, I toned down the public expression of my happiness out of consideration for her feelings)? It didn't occur to me at the time that it may have been deliberate taunting.
His expressed picture of her to me was far more positive; he told me that he still loved her but as a friend, and he gave the impression that she was basically a decent person who was just having trouble letting go.



I seem to recall saying that you shouldn't hurt yourself because it would help nothing.
Your progression from romantic love gone --> nothing was a lot faster than mine. In that light, your behaviour makes a lot more sense; I don't think I could have handled having everything gone so suddenly. Even as things were, I spent weeks forcing myself not to step out into traffic: and being made to feel guilty for feeling so bad.



He didn't say to me that she was unsafe.




I didn't see that as a red flag; it's actually pretty normal amongst my friends. As an example, my closest IRL friend dated the same guy for 5 years. I met him for the first time 3 weeks before they broke up. I'm used to people who keep their personal life and their personal life separate.



It wasn't just the romance thingy that was hurting me... he'd been telling me for months "I'd like to be with you, but it's too hard"; "I want to meet you in person, but it's too hard"... then I find out that he's dating you and had agreed to meet you IRL; and I was given the impression that you'd really pushed for it to happen. It led me to 2 conclusions:
1. That there must be something really wrong with me.
2. That trying to be considerate and not push him into things was the wrong thing to do.



Ah, yes, she mentioned the thing with the sexually intrusive OCD thoughts, except that from her point of view the thoughts were genuine feelings and you manipulated him into thinking that they weren't real.
"a whim of feeling": that's how I felt when I found out that you and he were together. If I'd known that your friendship had been similar in depth to mine, it would have made things a lot easier; and I probably wouldn't have directed my initial hissy fit at you.



I see. She said that she said that she didn't think you were mature enough to be in any relationship, "let alone with someone as vulnerable as him", is that correct? That does sound pretty patronising, actually.


A question: why did you bother standing up for me when you did? I can't remember one instance before that when I was actually nice to you; you owed me nothing.

It was a case of him not wanting to. Not because it overwhelmed him but in the interest of moving on. I think she was putting pressure on him too to not talk to me about things that happened, as y'know that was attempt to get back with him or something . Dumping me and going back to her 5 minutes later didn't leave a whole lot of time to move on and get closure. He would stop talking to me if I tried. Those suicide attempts in the past though weren't due to drama, more like her getting angry when he couldn't give her what she wanted (fly overseas to see her, talk to her on the phone) and making him feel like useless s**t as a result.



Damn that's cold! "I want to kill myself and I want to do it on front of you!!" Response: "Yah whatever lady, talk to the hand"..
If things were the other way around I would have done what I could to get them help.



Not the same. That friend of yours was a fellow female. He deliberately kept us from knowing about each other so we couldn't compare notes on our interractions with him. Telling me not to try and start up conversation with her, not telling me about you. Gosh, it makes me wonder if he had even more female friends here he didn't tell us about (expose yourself if you're reading!)



I didn't push him into anything. I simply told him that I was thinking of letting him go in a romantic respect and he must have panicked. I understand now that it was just a misunderstanding on his part; he thought I wanted to be less of a friend to him as well. But in reality I just wanted to free myself up emotionally so I could find someone new to focus on. It would have been totally unfair on some new potential BF if I was fixated on and concentrating my emotional energy on someone else.. I can only give myself to one person at a time. Looking back, I really really REALLY should have stuck to my guns on that and said "no" to him when he approached me for something more. We were supposed to be meeting as friends that February when I was up in QLD but he pulled out, so maybe it was part guilt for that too.
I really have no idea. If you and me were known to each other, I would have told him to go to you, as you would have related to him better with the OCD and stuff.



She tried to manipulate HIM into thinking they were real. Taking advantage of his OCD to try and get back with him, what a f****d up thing to do. I didn't know either of you knew actually. Kinda been hard to explain what happened that weekend as the core of the events (his sexually intrusive thoughts) were personal and embarassing in nature. But now I clearly don't give a rats ass if he's humiliated at them being posted in public.
I didn't think of him as the sort to go and date some girl after one minute talking to her, too distrusting. I know you said that she said they got together after only a week, but she is full of BS as we all know.



Yes. If he's so "vulnerable", what the hell is HE doing on the dating scene? If you compare me and him side by side, I can make a sure bet that I'm less of an infliction on people than he is. What on earth is the drive to fight to be with a "vulnerable" man such as him?? Could he appeal to her "need to feel needed" side? I think there is far more to her "love" for him that she lets on. She wants to be his second mum I think. Can't believe you have to be highly mature to date someone with the social and emotional level of a three year old boy. I think someone who is genuinely mature would make a better dating choice than him, seriously. I wish her many happy years of marriage, making him playlunches, driving him to the shops to buy toys and games (and ammo), and making sure he brushes his teeth before beddy-byes. Providing the govt will even let her into the country (strict immigrations laws, I could kiss you!)



I knew you were just like me in all of this, dependant on him. After going through the hell of losing his care, I could only empathise when the same happened to you.

Ok fine, the selfish truth. I felt the need to be a better person than them, to do something right. It was a chance at self redemption after feeling like a s**t person for months. Not that it worked.

When I finally spoke about things I thought that enough time would have passed that it would be clear that I was talking about how I thought and felt THEN, and I actually put a huge disclaimer saying that I didn’t feel that way now and just wanted to get things out of my head. He seemed to understand, but then the other one made that post in the Unsent Letters thread and he disappeared.



See, that’s one of the things that I’m angry with him about. He has autism; he of all people should understand the difficulty of things changing suddenly.




I didn’t know the full story behind those.
I’m still trying to figure out why, after she treats him like that, after she made ultimatums about him talking to his friends, and after I exposed her manipulation in that 6-post-long letter in the Unsent Letters thread, why he wants anything to do with her.
(If anyone else reading is interested , said letter is here. It's only the tip of the iceberg.



I didn’t say that I wouldn’t talk, just that I wouldn’t want to. “I’m going to kill myself in front of you” is different than “I’m going to kill myself”; it has overtones of wanting to wound the person, and of coercing them into doing what you want. Whether it’s intended that way or not, it does come across as manipulation.
If I was good friends with the person, though, I probably would do what I could to help, but it would feel like I was being forced into things.



How do you know it was deliberate?




Yeah, I understand that now, but back then that’s the impression I was being given. All of your posts etc. about how people were trying to steal your BF just fuelled that impression. I really thought that I was going to lose him as even a friend because of you.



<sarcasm> You should’ve just gone to see him anyway and forced him to meet you, like the other one did; getting to see him in person is far, far more important than whether or not he could actually handle it. </sarcasm>





Indeed.




According to information that I have, it was less than a week, which IMO is just creepy. IF she is telling the truth, then considered that and her propensity to drag him back to her within days after they break up, then she’s never given him enough time to sit down and think about the relationship and whether it’s what he wants or if it’s good for him.
If their relationship was so secure, she’d be willing to stop contact for a week or so in order to let him collect his thoughts: surely a week wouldn’t break a secure relationship up?




He’s easily controlled; and she finds it easy to convince him that her viewpoint is right.




I think that someone who can see through manipulation and call her out on it would make a better choice; I’d love to watch the fireworks that would ensue if she dated someone like that.