Bring back arranged marriages?

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Zajie
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05 Mar 2015, 11:36 am

Lol I know so many people with arranged marriages and as cruel as I might sound but there are so many old stinky shoe face looking people with model looking others paired together from it. Lol. But I think those people like eachother because if they didn't, they would be divorced or something.



goldfish21
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08 Mar 2015, 2:57 am

1) Arranged marriages still happen all the time, even here in Canada. It depends on the culture. Here, it's mostly Indian immigrants that do it, but I hear that many Chinese/Oriental Asians do the same.

2) Not all people w/ Aspergers have very few friends. I have many. There have been times in my life where I've needed my solitude and don't see any friends for months, but I still have many friends.

edit:

I know some people who have had arranged marriages. Some of them are great, others not so ideal marriages. Totally depends on the individuals and the quality of the match and the relationship they have etc. Considering the number of Indian & other Asian immigrants here in arranged marriages, I'd say overall the system tends to work.. it's not perfect (IMO), but for those into it, it does work out OK for many.

Personally, I'd be ok with being introduced by family or friends, but an arranged marriage? No thanks. I'd rather it be for love because myself & my significant other both felt strongly enough about each other to want to be married vs. having it arranged, or worse, arranged & forced.


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Geekonychus
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08 Mar 2015, 11:23 pm

Why not just bring back legal slavery while we're at it?



goldfish21
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09 Mar 2015, 12:09 am

Geekonychus wrote:
Why not just bring back legal slavery while we're at it?


You think slavery ever went away?

It's just been off shored, like every other American job possible.

And also comes under new names.. like Debt Slavery.

There are certainly still Masters & Slaves every bit as there ever has been.


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Geekonychus
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09 Mar 2015, 10:36 am

goldfish21 wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
Why not just bring back legal slavery while we're at it?


You think slavery ever went away?

It's just been off shored, like every other American job possible.

And also comes under new names.. like Debt Slavery.

There are certainly still Masters & Slaves every bit as there ever has been.


Of course not, that's why I specified "legal" slavery, which is exactly what arranged marriage is (selling off a family member as property.) They should just call it what it is and drop the pretense of it being a civilized practice.



Cafeaulait
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09 Mar 2015, 11:26 am

Crazy old topic.



trollcatman
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09 Mar 2015, 1:33 pm

Was this thread ressurrected by a spambot? The person necroing this thread has only 1 post and it has a link to some marriage website.



mpe
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09 Mar 2015, 3:19 pm

Dark_Lord_2008 wrote:
Divorce rates and suicide rates of the modern age have risen as extreme individualism has left lots of people with Aspergers and other conditions: lonely, isolated and rejected by society. Aspergers is an extreme form of social isolation, rejection from society and extreme social anxiety. A person with Aspergers who has no friends, no social networks and an outcast is far more likely to end his or her life.

There are plenty of cultures which still have arranged marriages. Often with the rather darker side of FORCED marriages.
Even for people who are entirely hetero-monogamous they don't guarentee good relationships either. With suicide a possible consequence for people in such cultures who find themselves pushed into bad relationships.
If anything I'd feel even more of an outcast in such a culture.



mr_bigmouth_502
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09 Mar 2015, 4:18 pm

I sure as hell wouldn't want arranged marriages to be brought back. Let people marry who they choose. In my case, I wouldn't marry anyone, because I've seen too many marriages fall apart to have any faith in them.



sly279
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10 Mar 2015, 1:28 am

only way I'd ever get married but not even. arranged marriages tended to be pretty woman to rich guy.
i'm not rich. and no one gets arranged to poor men.



goldfish21
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10 Mar 2015, 1:46 am

sly279 wrote:
only way I'd ever get married but not even. arranged marriages tended to be pretty woman to rich guy.
i'm not rich. and no one gets arranged to poor men.


This is simply not true. A high net worth is not a prerequisite for an arranged marriage.

In some cultures, almost everyone has an arranged marriage - from the very wealthy, to the poorest of the poor. Granted, people are often trying to "marry up" in status/wealth, and typically wealthy successful people are paired with other wealthy successful people, and the poor with the poor - especially in cultures with caste systems.. but still, poor men can still have an arranged marriage & do every single day.


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Orangez
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10 Mar 2015, 2:00 am

I do not wish to be force into enslavement.



sly279
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10 Mar 2015, 2:16 am

goldfish21 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
only way I'd ever get married but not even. arranged marriages tended to be pretty woman to rich guy.
i'm not rich. and no one gets arranged to poor men.


This is simply not true. A high net worth is not a prerequisite for an arranged marriage.

In some cultures, almost everyone has an arranged marriage - from the very wealthy, to the poorest of the poor. Granted, people are often trying to "marry up" in status/wealth, and typically wealthy successful people are paired with other wealthy successful people, and the poor with the poor - especially in cultures with caste systems.. but still, poor men can still have an arranged marriage & do every single day.


aren't most of those places suffering from there being more guys than women? seems odd that given that there would be arranged marriages to poor guys.

wouldn't want it anyways. would like it if it was here you two should date for a year and see if it works. lady might love me but not otherwise give me a shot. I don't want a woman forced to be with me though.



The_Face_of_Boo
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10 Mar 2015, 2:18 am

In some communities/areas of the Levant (ie. South Lebanon, West bank, Kurds...etc), it's the guy's mom who hunts for the bride lol - usually among acquaintances, and then he gets to meet her several times and have meetings with both families ect, if everything went ok then they'll get engaged which leads to marriage. There's a supposedly-consent yes to be said by both but imagine the familial pressure from both sides.

Gawd, this is so stupid; good that my mother isn't like this.



AngelRho
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10 Mar 2015, 8:59 am

Dark_Lord_2008 wrote:
Divorce rates and suicide rates of the modern age have risen as extreme individualism has left lots of people with Aspergers and other conditions: lonely, isolated and rejected by society. Aspergers is an extreme form of social isolation, rejection from society and extreme social anxiety. A person with Aspergers who has no friends, no social networks and an outcast is far more likely to end his or her life.

The parents used to arrange the marriages of their children. Now instead of parents: friends and social networks set people up on dates or marriages. People with Aspergers have very few or in some cases like me no friends at all.

My apologies for not reading the entire thread…

I think arranged marriages have their advantages. I've never been one of those "marry for love" types. Yes, I love my wife and loved her before I married her. But love by itself doesn't drive our relationship. Not "emotional" love. Real love is something you put into action. I don't always "feel" affection for my wife, my children, or anyone else. But I do feel a strong drive to treat human beings a certain way.

Looking back on my long-gone dating life, I recognize my mom had a way of looking at girls I was involved with and "just knowing" how things were going to turn out. I never could figure out how she knew, but she always did. It was insane. In a way, my mom really did pick my wife out for me, and I'm pleased how things have worked out! In retrospect, I'm starting to understand what was going on. Some things you just can't know aside from experience. My mom had a way of seeing the future in a way I was unable to at the time. So when I think about the prospect of my own children growing up, dating, getting married, having children of their own, I hope and pray somehow I can prevent them from making a lot of the stupid decisions I made back in the day. Parents have more power than they want to believe they do, and we CAN exercise a considerable amount of control over their lives if we choose to.

Something else nobody really thinks or cares about anymore is that marriages have consequences. When two people get married, they tend to only think about the two of them coming together in a union. They ignore the fact that they actually represent the joining together of two FAMILIES. Neither party really respects the wishes of the other family or what THEY want for their son or daughter. Neither party really respects the feelings of the other family in their willingness to associate with people other than their own. Making those decisions without consideration for what the other family wants is pure selfishness.

So I suppose if we can't have arranged marriages, the least we can do is get serious about seeking the approval of our own families and the families we're marrying into.



darkphantomx1
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10 Mar 2015, 9:18 am

Arranged marriages are pretty much unheard of where I come from.