"Friends with benefits" is nonsense.

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Its not bad to have a FWB. It doesn't make you a shameful person. Yes sex is better with the person you love because you know eachother more. But sex isn't about love all the time. I've done it many times. Its more of a mutual respect between me and her. Yes it will leave you empty I admit. It was more of an infatuation. I wasn't doing it to feel anything other than being satisfied physically. Do I feel bad about it--no way. I knew what I was doing. I got tired of using my hand at some point. No sense of lying to myself.

^ Completely agree. The two can be split; it takes a degree of maturity, and perhaps experience, to do so.

I don't see how one experience should devalue the other. Both are as different as you make it in your head. And, every experience, every relationship is different in some way. Why automatically categorise into the 'good' and 'bad' box.

The minute I hear/read the 'love' word, I wonder exactly what someone is trying to persuade me I should or shouldn't do.

Each to their own.

sex and love go hand in hand at least for me they do. I cannot have sex with someone unless I have romantic feelings. I am oly interested in a monogonous relationship.

I have for a while been upset that I have been unable to have sex with anyone yet. But I know I need to wait for a relationship because I cannot meet very many people and I cannot just have sex with someone I barely know because I feel uncomfortable with them touching me or me them. FWB might be okay but that does not seem possible because i have no female friends. I have maybe a couple in the past but this kind of thing never was brought up. I never asked they never offered. Which had led me to believe that women do not find me attractive which come to find out is not true. Since I just got my first girlfriend (she is an aspie as well) recently at 33 years old. But....

Sadly my long distance girlfriend (lasted four months I think) broke up with me yesterday who I never got to meet At least we had phone sex a few times but that was not as fun as I thought it would be. It was disappointing and stressed me out. And it became one of the reasons she lost interest. She wanted it and I was having a hard time with it.

I am just kind of sad right now about all this and I feel alone. Having someone to have sex with only will not fill the void I feel. I guess I went off on a tangent. It is just this situation just happened and it is fresh in my mind.

And then you get what you want and you discover that this doesn't fill 'the void' - what then?

Tell me about this void, if you will.

[/quote] And then you get what you want and you discover that this doesn't fill 'the void' - what then?

Tell me about this void, if you will. [quote]

Hard to answer but I'll try. I guess what I mean is I am looking for someone to share my life with. Having someone I care for and they care for me and it is more than just a friend. I want romance basically not just sex. So maybe sex and love can be independent of one another. They are too separate things but they can be together. I do not think there is any wrong way. Some people want multiple partners and are okay with it and some are not.

I mean you love your dog, your mom, etc. but the love you have for a significant other is a different kind of love. And usually love for an SO includes sex and a deep bond with that person. You cannot get any closer than sex really with someone you love. It is out of love for that person. Some people lose this closeness in a relationship and it is hard work to make it exciting again. It is difficult to say whether love can be lost forever and you have to leave each other. Love should be eternal but it seems the world is not all cut and dry, black and white. Sometimes people realize they never were in love with the other person. Humans are definitely intricate and complex.


I guess I have different voids. I have a relationship void. Many aspies desire to have a romantic relationship. To experience what everyone is talking about. I will not get disillusioned and settle for anything less in my life. In my life settling for just sex for me would be settling for less. Just having sex with someone would just make me want more. one is too many and a thousand is never enough. I guess it comes down to healthy sexuality and for everyone it is different. For some people FWB and casual sex is not healthy, for some it is healthy. sex is tied in with values and morals. And for everyone those are different. One person's misery is another person's happiness. Kind of mind boggling but it is how it is.

It is why as long as you are happy with what you are doing do not worry what anyone else thinks. The only exception to this is if your sexual behavior is harming another person like with infidelity. Sex with multiple partners should only happen if both people are okay with the other seeing someone else on the side. It should never be a secret. That is unhealthy and can destroy people's happiness and security and trust.

Lastly I do not think there is anything wrong with sex. Nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. It is human to desire sex. I respect everyone's sexuality and partner preference or multiple partner preference. It is your life and you should be free to make your own decisions without judgment from others.

Sometimes all you need is a quick jump without all the emotional ties.

Punkguy, I don't see a void in your post - but I see fog and confusion. It seems like you've everything tangled together, that doesn't necessarily have to be that way. Of course, that is your choice - but your worldview isn't exactly making you feel good, now is it.

Saying that someone has a void without a relationship is just believing in completeness. I'd say a relationship is (sometimes) adding something, rather than taking something away when it is absent.

This turns into exactly what every thread on this section does. Blowing things apart and disagreeing. Opinions are like %^&holes, everyone has one.

No this topic is tamer compared to all out war on some threads. People start cussing each other out I have seen it. Kind of silly when you look back and see it later.

If ones opinions causes them to be unhappy, they don't work for them and they are founded on a lack of experience...well, what can one say?

Of course, we're all free to choose.

Perhaps you should have posted in the haven if you didn't want disagreement. I wish you luck with your voids.

there are some voids that cannot be permanently filled. you just have to get used to them..they are like a shopping bag for emotions - sometimes they are full of goodies, other times they are empty - because the goodies are all in the cupboard or in the shop

I've had a few 'friends with benefits' throughout my life time. It worked out well, I was never left feeling empty, but then I wasn't looking for love or long term commitment at the time.

In many ways it is more fun. But maybe that's just me.