How on Earth do you approach & talk to women?

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That's the thing, when talking with other guys, I don't gotta ask. It literally can be as simple as "You like Marvel Mystery Oil?" "Oh yeah, I use that on all my engines I rebuild!" And then we'll talk about cars and stuff for like 5 minutes. Other small talk type stuff will be brought up, but it's easy for me to talk about, as there's a definite topic for conversation that I know we both relate with in some way.

So with women, it usually goes like:

Me: What do you enjoy doing for fun?
Her: Hanging out with my friends!
Me: Doing what?
Her: Oh, we go to the bar and stuff!
Me: Ah, going to bars and clubs. I don't do that.

Then that's pretty much the end of the conversation. I mean cooking is a commonality I would have with women if they (or any people for that matter, especially my age) cooked, but I seriously cannot think of commonalities I have with the average woman, and all my friendships are more or less dependent upon commonalities.

It's not like, all entirely bad, this isn't a "woe is me" post. I've made some progress talking to women, in some cases they were interested in me and I wasn't fast enough at processing "OH SHE LIKES ME." The other thing, too, I have a tendency to annoy people by talking to them too much, about things such as motor oil, and it seems I'm especially prone to annoying women by talking too much about "stuff" like that. I'm pretty alexithymic, too, so talking about my own and other people's feelings doesn't really compute in my brain very well, so again, another hindrance talking to women, as women apparently love talking about that sorta stuff.

I dunno, I am from Mars.

Wow, I never knew all guys knew about motor oil! That's crazy. Or that only guys worked out (though I wouldn't advise talking about the gym as an opener anywhere but the gym in case of unflattering implications. so that one I think is fair)
Context is important. What situation are you in with these women, classmates? at chess club? in a bar? at work? Talking about the situation like what's going on around or even the weather can be decent small talk. (at least in my experience talking to other women, and men)
Look for commonalities to discuss instead of interviewing.


Women aren't any more/less complicated then men. If you can talk to men, you can talk to women.

yeah perfect example

ooorrr, say you see a girl in the comic shop "Hi, I see you've got some Batgirl there, I heard Gail Simone has been doing an awesome job with the reboot but I haven't gotten around to it yet (more into the Justice League myself) would you recommend it?"

Watch me boys and learn.









Hi DogsWithoutHorses, I am Boo, I heard you love math, are you specialized in math?

^perfect
to which hypothetical me might reply "Yeah kinda, I'm actually going to school to teach k-5 but math courses have always been my favorite. Nothing like a good problem set to keep a gal up at night. You a big fan of quantitative reasoning?" ...because I'm horribly awkward, and thats how I talk

I descend from a math teacher mother ,I was used to love math too but stats wasn't my favorite (answeing your quantative reasoning question here), I was more into geometry. However, i was the second secret "teacher" of my colleagues in stats class at the university, not because I am really good at it, my stats grades were B and A-, but most buisness students are horrible at math :-/, so I was like the best of the worst.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 07 May 2012, 6:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

end scene

"Sorry, I didn't hear you"

Women do all kinds of stupid girly exercises that are dumb. There's not much commonality, and most women would be horrified at the suggestion of powerlifting or Olympic lifting.

I am aware of what you're saying, it's not like I've never ever talked to a woman ever in my life. I have had conversations with them, but for the most part, they go as I describe. I think another problem, too, that's probably like half the problem is girls aren't too outgoing most of the time. Guys are just more outgoing and talkative usually.

I remember one time I asked this girl at the Asian Market about a drink they sold there and she just was like "I have a boyfriend."

So it's not for total lack of trying, as seems to be the OP's case, I just do seem to genuinely suck at it.

.
If you've got it all covered I'm not sure why you asked the question
Huh, I've experienced a lot of women in my life being quite chatty (uncomfortably so for me) and a lot of guys in my life are very...stoic. But in my area there's also an ethnic stereotype mixed up in that situation.
I guarantee none of the problem is some universal behavioral deficit in women. Pressure to conform to gender roles in which men pursue and women are to be pursued, for sure.
I might blow off a guy who thought girly is stupid and dumb but hey, that's just me.

I think what was being suggested was not a neat system, but a messy system that frequently fails, but makes enough useful guesses that it isn't counterproductive. I don't think it was being suggested that stereotypes are more accurate or more important than contextual clues, but that some of them are not statistically inaccurate.

Hello 1000knives

I am a heterosexual male that does not want to derail this thread...but motor oil!

If you would like to PM me with your opinion on using fully synthetic car oil with no friction reducing agents in a sportsbike instead of the oil marketed specifically for sportsbikes at three times the cost and over, then please do so I do change the oil every 3000km instead of 6000km because the oil goes very black at around that point...I don't think it can handle high temps at 15000rpm as well...but many sportsbike riders swear by this exact routine...

Apologies for the interruption people...you know how special interests can make some act at times ....carry on

Oh, and the answer is...

-drum roll-

If you can't initiate a casual conversation with somebody you are interested in, then chances are you couldn't maintain a relationship with the person either. Practice makes perfect. Make the effort to place yourself in situations where you have the opportunity to initiate casual conversation with strangers for no other reason than to be social. Do so within your comfort limits. Push those limits a little at a time. Then use the skills that you have developed through application of effort to approach people you would like to converse with regularly, if the opportunity presents itself. Go get 'em tigers

See? Quite simple really...

I have no idea how. When I find out how, I'll let you know.

I had/still have similar issues when it came to approaching most people regardless of their gender.
Im afraid of how they´ll react/if Im bothering them...
The one thing that helped me was something I read elsewhere about putting negativity on trial:
Say you are about to approach someone and you start thinking about their possible reactions, you have to consider if some of this possibilities are logical and how many times have you seen those happen before assuming the worst situation is going to happen.
In case you are interested on reading more about this http://incel.myonlineplace.org/forum/sh ... hp?t=11330