Would you dump someone who got fat?

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If I had a strong psychological and/or emotional connection with that person, yes I would. Although, if I couldn't connect with the person, I wouldn't continue dating him anyway. So I guess, my answer is that those reasons would not influence my decision.



It depends on the change. If it's physical, well we'll all get old and ugly. It doesn't matter much. However, if that person became aggressive, disrespectful or addicted to something beyond hope or help, I would move on. Otherwise, I have a very strong sense of loyalty, respect and responsibility. I think too many people get involved too carelessly and give up too easily.

On the side note, I don't think that people change dramatically that often. More often people just pretend to be someone they think their partner wants them to be or try to play a certain role of a "good girlfriend/wife" or "good boyfriend/husband" they've created in their minds, especially at the beginning of the relationship. It's simply the true face coming out after a while, not the dramatic changes happening.
However, that pretending is not always intentionally deceitful. I find that a lot of people don't know themselves well enough, so they can't really be true and natural with other people either.

If you feel as though you will change toward them because of their change or changes, you'll be doing them a favor to break up with them. They will pick up on your misery and you'll only depress them even more. Set them free to find another love - you're just simply not deep enough to see beyond the obvious. How would you feel if someone felt "obligated" to stay with "you"? Maybe that's why people get fat in relationships. The eating helps them tolerate a relationship they'd rather not be in. Like a coyote chewing off it's own arm to get out of a trap.

Oh ffs.

I have in the past and would in the future, with a possible exception on the crime part. (To me, it depends on what the crime was). Actually, in one circumstance, I stuck by a guy who was a former athlete, then (a) lost his job and (b) gained a lot of weight when he was (c) injured in an accident and not able to be as physically active anymore. (The Trifecta! lol)

When it comes to relationships, I give a lot and expect a lot in return. To me, if you aren't going to enter into a relationship with a willingness to make an earnest effort to make things work, even when circumstances aren't perfect and people are human, then I don't see the point of bothering at all.

I would hazard a guess as to why: People lie about their reasons so as not to appear shallow. Instead they use hollow phrases like "The spark just isn't there anymore" or "I need space". Something similar anyway.

Guys go after girls because they find them attractive, Girls go after guys for financial reasons. We are already starting to see Women with good jobs going after schlubby, no ambition having, loser guys because they find them attractive, and at the same time seeing guys going after women who make way more money than them.

I'm not saying that there isn't such a thing as genuine affection.. just that I don't think you can completely rule out Looks & Fiscal status as actual reasons why people break up..


For what it's worth, If we were dating, and she put on 5-10lbs I wouldn't.. Maybe not even 20lbs.. If she put on 30-50.. Probably. If we were married, I doubt it. It is hard to say. But I definitely don't find morbidly obese people attractive at all, and have no desire to be intimate with some one who is. Of course I also don't find older people attractive at all and have no desire to be intimate with the. But if I've made a choice to marry some one, chances are I'll stick by that choice regardless, since that is the whole point.

Last edited by rabbittss on 11 May 2012, 9:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

I see, would those be financial reasons, then?

Uhh no you missed the point I think. I was illustrating how times are changing and ambitious, financially secure women, are now going after guys only based on looks, just the way many men go after women.

I understood what you meant.

I personally never cared about financial stuff though and always went by looks and whether I liked them and never cared about things like whether they had money or a job.

I remember once my friend's boyfriend was trying to set me up with his friend and told me "he owns his house". I was like "so what, I don't care". I still don't see why that would be something that would matter to me unless I was looking for someone to mooch off of or maybe I would take it as a sign that they wouldn't try to mooch off of me.

My two boyfriends I had as a teenager were pretty much penniless unemployed bums.

Nope, make no mistake, I got what you meant. I just found it hilarious.

Then we clearly have two different definitions of hilarity.

Wait, so money is not the first thing people consider in a relationship? NO WAY!

If they put on weight during the relationship ill tell them to sort their fat ass out tho, in a loving way of course

I'd never leave someone for it tho thats plain silly ^_^

It all depends on the circumstances. If the other person was fit, and let herself go in the course of our relationship/marriage, then I'd have a problem with that. Some people treat marriage as an excuse to let themselves go to pot. They think they don't have to try anymore because they've got that marriage certificate.

Well that is very disrespectful of the other person. If I ever get so lucky as to find a girl who'll love me (which probably will never be), I would do everything I could to keep her. I'd keep fit, I'd earn more money, give her a wonderful life, and a husband she could be proud of. I believe in constant improvement, and people who let themselves go have given up, and that's unfair to the partner. Not to mention the health issues. I don't want to have to deal with the heartache of dealing with a spouse's health problems at a younger age because they failed to take care of themselves. I believe each partner is obliged to do what they can to ensure their longevity so they can be there for their significant other.

So I'd definitely want to talk about it, see what the problem is, and try to find a solution. And if she is unwilling to undo what has been done, and to find a healthier path, then I would DTMFA.

Damn, this is where i am going wrong. My boyfriend is over 100lbs overweight and is poor. I better dump his arse so I can date someone I have no attraction to just because some idiots on an internet forum have no concept of reality.

Oh wait, I am a single mother, so i bet the excuse used would be that I should be happy to get anyone.

You are way too cynical.

I love my husband unconditionally, and believe that is returned.

Does that mean would it be impossible for us to ever get divorced? No, because we both have issues that if taken to an extreme would be toxic to the other, and at that point it would be self-preservation for them to leave, but we would still love each other. And, knowing that and how heart wrenching it would be, we both work hard to keep all our issues in check.

I can't get inside of other couple's heads, but most women only leave over money if it becomes evident the guy either can't take his part as a partner in the relationship on almost any level, which makes him toxic to the family unit, or if becomes evident he never actually loved you, and had no intention of being anything but a leach. Those are the stories I've seen in real life. And, I would guess, there could be the gold digger who only was attracted to the money to start, not that I know anyone like that. What I know is the woman on our parenting board who has allowed her husband to stop working even though he can't take care of the kids, and who now does it all by herself because this is what she believes he needs and she loves him. What I know is the friend whose husband had to retire a few years ago due to health reasons, and she goes daily to a job she hates to support them all, and only hopes he can stay healthy enough to live long enough to see their son grow up. What I know is my sister who told her husband he could quit when his health issues escalated, totally up to him. You are just so WRONG but about what people can feel and what they are willing to do for it. Maybe it is different where you live, maybe women can't support a family there and thus are forced sometimes to leave love behind for survival, but your assumptions don't fit life as I know it.