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Growing up and done with bad boys

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TM
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19 Jun 2012, 4:20 pm

Zinia wrote:
TM wrote:

Usually the "type" people go for is rooted in needs they may not be aware they have. In women who tend to go for "bad boys" their unpredictable nature, tendency to behave arrogantly and so on tend to be like kryptonite to these women.

It wouldn't be the first woman who said she was done with bad boys only to end up with another string of them.


I think the allure of bad boys is that they tend to be very manipulative. Personally, I think bad boys go for considerate, generally honest girls who generally see the good in others. But once a girl realizes the signs of a manipulator, then she won't fall into that trap again.


Yeah, such a shame that they'll recognize the signs of a manipulator in one dude, the next guy doing the exact same thing, same procedure.



Kinme
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19 Jun 2012, 4:21 pm

TM wrote:
Zinia wrote:
TM wrote:

Usually the "type" people go for is rooted in needs they may not be aware they have. In women who tend to go for "bad boys" their unpredictable nature, tendency to behave arrogantly and so on tend to be like kryptonite to these women.

It wouldn't be the first woman who said she was done with bad boys only to end up with another string of them.


I think the allure of bad boys is that they tend to be very manipulative. Personally, I think bad boys go for considerate, generally honest girls who generally see the good in others. But once a girl realizes the signs of a manipulator, then she won't fall into that trap again.


Yeah, such a shame that they'll recognize the signs of a manipulator in one dude, the next guy doing the exact same thing, same procedure.


I feel that they're drawn to being treated like garbage because that's all they've known and it's what they're comfortable with. They get bored with being treated well and clung to by someone who genuinely cares, because they don't have to fight to keep the relationship going like they do with the bad boys. It's a push-pull sort of thing. Sure seems like the case, anyway.



TM
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19 Jun 2012, 4:24 pm

Kinme wrote:
TM wrote:
Kinme wrote:
TM wrote:
Kinme wrote:
Ah, okay. I haven't even read the whole thread, speaking of the thread. I'm pretty sure she did learn from it, too, otherwise she wouldn't be posting on this website about it.


$20 says she's back with a bad boy as soon as she gets bored with a nice guy.


I sure as hell hope not. This thread would be pretty pointless if she did.


Usually the "type" people go for is rooted in needs they may not be aware they have. In women who tend to go for "bad boys" their unpredictable nature, tendency to behave arrogantly and so on tend to be like kryptonite to these women.

It wouldn't be the first woman who said she was done with bad boys only to end up with another string of them.


Makes sense. Just sad, really sad. -.- And kinda pathetic. Is that mean?


I don't care if things are mean or rude. Any guy who's had female friends, or been in the friend-zone of a "bad boy chaser" knows the "Why do I always fall for as*holes" cry, followed by the woman going for the exact same as*hole in a different wrapping.



Zinia
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19 Jun 2012, 4:24 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
The OP doesn't need this thread anymore btw.


What do you mean?



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19 Jun 2012, 4:25 pm

Zinia wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
The OP doesn't need this thread anymore btw.


What do you mean?


Because she found a date. She posted another thread.



Kinme
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19 Jun 2012, 4:26 pm

TM wrote:
Kinme wrote:
TM wrote:
Kinme wrote:
TM wrote:
Kinme wrote:
Ah, okay. I haven't even read the whole thread, speaking of the thread. I'm pretty sure she did learn from it, too, otherwise she wouldn't be posting on this website about it.


$20 says she's back with a bad boy as soon as she gets bored with a nice guy.


I sure as hell hope not. This thread would be pretty pointless if she did.


Usually the "type" people go for is rooted in needs they may not be aware they have. In women who tend to go for "bad boys" their unpredictable nature, tendency to behave arrogantly and so on tend to be like kryptonite to these women.

It wouldn't be the first woman who said she was done with bad boys only to end up with another string of them.


Makes sense. Just sad, really sad. -.- And kinda pathetic. Is that mean?


I don't care if things are mean or rude. Any guy who's had female friends, or been in the friend-zone of a "bad boy chaser" knows the "Why do I always fall for as*holes" cry, followed by the woman going for the exact same as*hole in a different wrapping.


I try to avoid hurting people's feelings, but I know what you mean. Is this from a lot of personal experience, if that isn't rude of me to ask?



TM
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19 Jun 2012, 4:28 pm

Kinme wrote:
TM wrote:
Zinia wrote:
TM wrote:

Usually the "type" people go for is rooted in needs they may not be aware they have. In women who tend to go for "bad boys" their unpredictable nature, tendency to behave arrogantly and so on tend to be like kryptonite to these women.

It wouldn't be the first woman who said she was done with bad boys only to end up with another string of them.


I think the allure of bad boys is that they tend to be very manipulative. Personally, I think bad boys go for considerate, generally honest girls who generally see the good in others. But once a girl realizes the signs of a manipulator, then she won't fall into that trap again.


Yeah, such a shame that they'll recognize the signs of a manipulator in one dude, the next guy doing the exact same thing, same procedure.


I feel that they're drawn to being treated like garbage because that's all they've known and it's what they're comfortable with. They get bored with being treated well and clung to by someone who genuinely cares, because they don't have to fight to keep the relationship going like they do with the bad boys. It's a push-pull sort of thing. Sure seems like the case, anyway.


Most definitely. Women are also drawn to arrogance and status, most bad boys are arrogant and a guy who is likely to stab someone to death over a spilled drink tends to gain a certain status.

Look at it this way, many of the qualities a lot of women are unconsciously attracted to, are traits that "bad boys" frequently have and which "nice guys" don't. However, the traits that are good for the woman tend to be the ones nice guys have. So its a paradox of sorts.



Kinme
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19 Jun 2012, 4:31 pm

TM wrote:
Kinme wrote:
TM wrote:
Zinia wrote:
TM wrote:

Usually the "type" people go for is rooted in needs they may not be aware they have. In women who tend to go for "bad boys" their unpredictable nature, tendency to behave arrogantly and so on tend to be like kryptonite to these women.

It wouldn't be the first woman who said she was done with bad boys only to end up with another string of them.


I think the allure of bad boys is that they tend to be very manipulative. Personally, I think bad boys go for considerate, generally honest girls who generally see the good in others. But once a girl realizes the signs of a manipulator, then she won't fall into that trap again.


Yeah, such a shame that they'll recognize the signs of a manipulator in one dude, the next guy doing the exact same thing, same procedure.


I feel that they're drawn to being treated like garbage because that's all they've known and it's what they're comfortable with. They get bored with being treated well and clung to by someone who genuinely cares, because they don't have to fight to keep the relationship going like they do with the bad boys. It's a push-pull sort of thing. Sure seems like the case, anyway.


Most definitely. Women are also drawn to arrogance and status, most bad boys are arrogant and a guy who is likely to stab someone to death over a spilled drink tends to gain a certain status.

Look at it this way, many of the qualities a lot of women are unconsciously attracted to, are traits that "bad boys" frequently have and which "nice guys" don't. However, the traits that are good for the woman tend to be the ones nice guys have. So its a paradox of sorts.


Sure is a paradox... Makes sense to me.



TM
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19 Jun 2012, 4:32 pm

Kinme wrote:

I try to avoid hurting people's feelings, but I know what you mean. Is this from a lot of personal experience, if that isn't rude of me to ask?


To a degree yes, I've had enough people be mean or rude to me that I have a high tolerance for it. I'm fairly sure I'm the only former excessively fat person who used to criticize people for unoriginal and unfunny fat jokes.



BlueMax
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19 Jun 2012, 4:33 pm

TM wrote:
Usually the "type" people go for is rooted in needs they may not be aware they have. In women who tend to go for "bad boys" their unpredictable nature, tendency to behave arrogantly and so on tend to be like kryptonite to these women.

It wouldn't be the first woman who said she was done with bad boys only to end up with another string of them.


Cynical.... but, sadly, all too accurate. Odds are very good that she'd find a "nice guy" too boring after the initial infatuation wears off... after craving the wild life of the bad boys for - what - 10 years? It's unlikely that someone would experience a total shift in desires... and that the appeal will always be there.

This is what my ex-wife did... claiming to want the stable husband but secretly desiring alpha as*holes who are so "maaanly", as well as emasculating me for not being what she secretly desired (and apparently boinking on the side.)


Be true to yourself. Find yourself the man that still excites you but will ALSO provide the need of not abusing or abandoning you. It's a fairly tall order but not impossible. ;)



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19 Jun 2012, 4:33 pm

TM wrote:
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See, most women don't know what they want. I didn't know either until I made that decision to stay in a long-term relationship. And what made me choose to stay was me realising that I wanted in a boyfriend everything that my boyfriend had. If I let him go, I would regret it. He was a nice guy who was fed up girls going for bad boys as well. But I still find him pretty attractive.

Also, three years is long enough for the drug to wear off, I'd say :)


The bolded bit sounds quite a lot like settling to me.


I don't see why. Sometimes you take things for granted


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Last edited by deltafunction on 19 Jun 2012, 4:35 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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19 Jun 2012, 4:35 pm

deltafunction wrote:

It makes me sad to hear nice guys want to be a**holes because they think they will attract women. These men are not an ideal in my mind...


Well considering the alternative seems to be to sit patiently and wait our turn.. Ya know.. let the alphas have whatever they want then we can fight over the rest when they get finished. i don't want some used up woman who's been around the block, had her fun, and now come looking for something stable since she's about to reach her sell buy date, no thanks. I'd rather be alone forever than get some douchebag's emotionally distraught, physically tepid leftovers.



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19 Jun 2012, 4:35 pm

Kinme wrote:
TM wrote:
Kinme wrote:
TM wrote:
Zinia wrote:
TM wrote:

Usually the "type" people go for is rooted in needs they may not be aware they have. In women who tend to go for "bad boys" their unpredictable nature, tendency to behave arrogantly and so on tend to be like kryptonite to these women.

It wouldn't be the first woman who said she was done with bad boys only to end up with another string of them.


I think the allure of bad boys is that they tend to be very manipulative. Personally, I think bad boys go for considerate, generally honest girls who generally see the good in others. But once a girl realizes the signs of a manipulator, then she won't fall into that trap again.


Yeah, such a shame that they'll recognize the signs of a manipulator in one dude, the next guy doing the exact same thing, same procedure.


I feel that they're drawn to being treated like garbage because that's all they've known and it's what they're comfortable with. They get bored with being treated well and clung to by someone who genuinely cares, because they don't have to fight to keep the relationship going like they do with the bad boys. It's a push-pull sort of thing. Sure seems like the case, anyway.


Most definitely. Women are also drawn to arrogance and status, most bad boys are arrogant and a guy who is likely to stab someone to death over a spilled drink tends to gain a certain status.

Look at it this way, many of the qualities a lot of women are unconsciously attracted to, are traits that "bad boys" frequently have and which "nice guys" don't. However, the traits that are good for the woman tend to be the ones nice guys have. So its a paradox of sorts.


Sure is a paradox... Makes sense to me.


The part of it that makes me laugh is that a woman will often go for a bad boy in the hopes of "changing" the "bad boy" into a "nice guy" instead of just dating a nice guy. It's a central theme in many romance novels, the pirate, the outlaw or the "untamable buck" who is finally tamed by the lovely heroine after a literal roll in the hay.

Of course, the result is that if the man changes, she loses most attraction to him because she removed the very traits she liked. If he doesn't change, she ends up posting a thread like this on a web forum.



Kinme
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19 Jun 2012, 4:36 pm

TM wrote:
Kinme wrote:
TM wrote:
Kinme wrote:
TM wrote:
Zinia wrote:
TM wrote:

Usually the "type" people go for is rooted in needs they may not be aware they have. In women who tend to go for "bad boys" their unpredictable nature, tendency to behave arrogantly and so on tend to be like kryptonite to these women.

It wouldn't be the first woman who said she was done with bad boys only to end up with another string of them.


I think the allure of bad boys is that they tend to be very manipulative. Personally, I think bad boys go for considerate, generally honest girls who generally see the good in others. But once a girl realizes the signs of a manipulator, then she won't fall into that trap again.


Yeah, such a shame that they'll recognize the signs of a manipulator in one dude, the next guy doing the exact same thing, same procedure.


I feel that they're drawn to being treated like garbage because that's all they've known and it's what they're comfortable with. They get bored with being treated well and clung to by someone who genuinely cares, because they don't have to fight to keep the relationship going like they do with the bad boys. It's a push-pull sort of thing. Sure seems like the case, anyway.


Most definitely. Women are also drawn to arrogance and status, most bad boys are arrogant and a guy who is likely to stab someone to death over a spilled drink tends to gain a certain status.

Look at it this way, many of the qualities a lot of women are unconsciously attracted to, are traits that "bad boys" frequently have and which "nice guys" don't. However, the traits that are good for the woman tend to be the ones nice guys have. So its a paradox of sorts.


Sure is a paradox... Makes sense to me.


The part of it that makes me laugh is that a woman will often go for a bad boy in the hopes of "changing" the "bad boy" into a "nice guy" instead of just dating a nice guy. It's a central theme in many romance novels, the pirate, the outlaw or the "untamable buck" who is finally tamed by the lovely heroine after a literal roll in the hay.

Of course, the result is that if the man changes, she loses most attraction to him because she removed the very traits she liked. If he doesn't change, she ends up posting a thread like this on a web forum.


Is it just for the challenge and satisfaction of changing the person? Is it some kind of twisted sexual thing?
Haha, I see who you're directing that at. :p



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19 Jun 2012, 4:40 pm

Kinme wrote:
Is it just for the challenge and satisfaction of changing the person? Is it some kind of twisted sexual thing?
Haha, I see who you're directing that at. :p


You want to be the one they will change for. It makes you feel special. Then you even go down to the emotionally abusive relationships, where the guy will apologize after he has done wrong, promise to change, and then do the same thing over again. Then it is hard for women to get out, because they want to believe him.


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19 Jun 2012, 4:41 pm

rabbittss wrote:
deltafunction wrote:

It makes me sad to hear nice guys want to be a**holes because they think they will attract women. These men are not an ideal in my mind...


Well considering the alternative seems to be to sit patiently and wait our turn.. Ya know.. let the alphas have whatever they want then we can fight over the rest when they get finished. i don't want some used up woman who's been around the block, had her fun, and now come looking for something stable since she's about to reach her sell buy date, no thanks. I'd rather be alone forever than get some douchebag's emotionally distraught, physically tepid leftovers.


See, now I don't understand this. To me, your ideas about women sound douche enough for you to have the whole lot of the "shiny" fresh ones, by your logic.

Maybe some women are attracted to bad boys because the bad boys don't seem to want to own them like objects, but paradoxically, the bad boys turn out to be the ones who, like you rabittss, view women like objects. Perhaps though--the bad boys are BETTER at tricking women into thinking they aren't like that.

Women just need to carefully screen against men who will treat them like objects--regardless of nice guy or bad guy persona.