What if I never get to even get into bed with a man?

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Studies backing up that statement?

Not necessarily. It may only mean that the more demonstrative guys are good at appearing as if they are good at handling problems. I've observed situations in which the guy who is 'banging his chest' the loudest is the guy who is the most afraid (and sometimes the most useless in a true emergency).

I forget the evolutionary term for that but there is one. I.e. some insects have evolved to look like other insects that are poisonous to predators. Deception is a part of evolution.

I've had the unfortunate experience of being aggressively pursued, to the point of stalking (peeping through my window while I change and everything), by someone I found entirely unappealing. And it is f****d up. So don't think I don't sympathize with the discomfort, the all-around unpleasantness, of having to turn people down. Not to mention the fear that the person won't accept being rejected and go on their way.



Point taken. But, to be fair, this is a bit of an exaggeration. Most of the time, when men are rejected by women, they are average-looking, try to be age-appropriate, and behave reasonably.

Not that anyone should have to partner with anyone they don't want to, or that people aren't entitled to use any criteria they please when choosing whose advances to accept and whose to reject.

But, what criteria any given person may have is near impossible to predict. And a lot of men feel, and I don't think this is unreasonable, that they are the ones who constantly have to put themselves to the test. They find this unfair. And I think it is to be expected that those who consistently fail at that test will become bitter and resentful.

I believe that, especially on this board, a lot of this bitterness is misdirected. Taken out on entirely the wrong people. But the emotion itself is easy to understand and sympathize with.



With you on that. Some people from each gender find the current system to their advantage, some people from each gender find it to their disadvantage. We could argue all day about which has the more constricting, more difficult, gender role. And there'll never be a satisfactory resolution because nobody knows what it's like to be both genders. But we can agree that both sides are tired of the strict enforcement of those roles.

Pointless, all the finger pointing over which side has it easier under the old system, when what both sides seem to want is to be free of that system anyway.



I do happen to find the resentment misplaced. But I also find it all too easy to understand.



Agreed, entirely.

But, even if you personally do not put all the blame on men for the situation being what it is, there are a lot of people who do. And a lot of us have become very sensitive about that. We're tired of being blamed for the faults of past generations.

Sometimes, maybe, we start seeing that blame where it isn't. But that doesn't mean it isn't out there.



I see both sides venting pretty equally.

I think the male complaints seem to take up more space. But, at the same time, I see a lot of comments from women, about men, that slide under the radar. Comments that, were the genders reversed, would have half of WP howling for the evil misogynist's blood.

Could this be due to evolution? Mammoth attacks may have been a biggest problem early humans faced, this made women believe that strongest man or the best mammoth fighter is the best problem solver. Usually it's easier to imitate this specific look than to actually be strong though. If problem solving skills were actually attractive it would make much more sense to join a local hacker space than a gym anyway. In my opinion there's a lot of unnecessary irrationality coming from both sides here.

It's interesting that one species of butterflies imitate several other distinct poisonous species, but they never end up mixing the looks. It's always the exact copy of one of the poisonous butterflies.

It's more because people cobble together narratives based on some things we know, and some things we assume about the distant past of our species to justify 1950's gender roles than because of anything to do with mammoths.

Stop worrying, particularly about what other people are doing. You're only 22 and you have multiple interests now, you will almost certainly have others interested later. Sooner or later one of them will be sufficiently acceptable to you.

Also I can't tell if you want a relationship or just to be relieved of the stigma of virginity. You could do the latter without doing the former. Either way you need to be clear with yourself about exactly and realistically what it is that you want, at this time. I think it's very important to have a reasonable idea of what you want before getting involved with anyone.

I was terrified about the prospect of losing my virginity. I imagined I would find my true love and when the time came, I would act weird during it, not know what to do, ruin the whole thing and lose my true love because of it. I had never kissed a guy and was worried about that too. I'm sure NT's go through the same feelings but whereas they are simply nervous about it I was truly terrified. So I took matters into my own hands. I decided to find a guy with whom I had no emotional attachment and set up a "teaching" session. It had to be someone I trusted and was attracted to, so it took several months to find him. I told a few acquaintances of mine what I was planning, and they even set up a few "interviews" for me. Boy was I popular for a while. When I did find the perfect candidate, we set up a place to meet up. He taught me how to kiss, let me watch him put on the condom, and we had sex. No oral sex though, I thought that was yucky at the time and didn't want to know (I've since changed my mind about that haha). I enjoyed it, it was very exciting. After that night, as per our agreement, we never saw each other again.

I have mixed feelings about this experience. The upside is of course that I gained confidence with men. The downside is that I missed out on losing my virginity to someone I loved. I had also imagined this guy might fall in love with me and ask to forego our agreement to not see each other afterward but he never did, and that left me feeling empty for a while.

Do not go to Craig's List!

I don't think men can do that, no one would help him in that and set up interviews for him, and i doubt any woman would accept to give a teaching session.


how old was you when you did that?

I hope the op does lose her virginity asap really, that way she will realise that the world doesn't revolve around sex, as much as nts society tells everyone it does. Sex is overrated, especially with someone that you have no feelings for, personally i find that without love sex simply isn't worth the effort, if i slept with a girl and i wasn't in love with her i wouldn't be able to get away from her quick enough after. All that effort for a few moments and then you have to extricate yourself from the situation so you can get home and sleep in your own bed, no thanks. I'd be a lot more interested in finding someone to love. Just get the virginity thing out of the way first and i think you'll feel a lot more comfortable sitting and waiting for the right person to come along.

btw, 22 is how many years past being sexually mature? You've not gone without it for 22 years, you've gone without it for how long really, a handful of years? I've only had sex once in the last ten years. After you lose that initial wondering what it's like i think you'll find it's an issue that becomes a lot easier to disregard.

Wrong thread? :Lol:

Last edited by JanuaryMan on 26 Jun 2012, 11:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

post deleted

Last edited by Uri on 29 Jun 2012, 7:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well, I plan on dying a virgin, So don't feel bad.

First, the whole virginity problem is solved, wether that is "soulless and depressing", it is true.
Second, stop worrying becoming an 80 year old virgin, then.

I mean, if the thought is so worrysome then, at least give it a thought, which is a better scenario? 80 year old virgin or losing the virginity like that.

And frankly, the "first time has to be special" crap is just crap, which seems to add to the whole virginity problem.