"You'll find someone, I know you will."

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AScomposer13413
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04 Aug 2012, 7:42 am

[quote="DogsWithoutHorses"I really like "there are plenty of fish in the sea" for that kind of sentiment
because it's true (there are a lot of people in the world) hopeful (because with lots of people there is lots of opportunity) and because it accounts for not finding someone (just because there are lots of fish doesn't mean any of them want to swim around you)

That said, I'm really not going to begrudge someone saying something like that because it's just polite, just like I wouldn't get mad at someone saying bless you because I'm not christian.[/quote]

The bolded part is the one thing that separates "there are plenty of fish in the sea" from the quote in the OP. For that reason, I wouldn't begrudge them if they said it either (even if they were using it to imply what was said in the OP).


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DogsWithoutHorses
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04 Aug 2012, 7:58 am

AScomposer13413 wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
I really like "there are plenty of fish in the sea" for that kind of sentiment
because it's true (there are a lot of people in the world) hopeful (because with lots of people there is lots of opportunity) and because it accounts for not finding someone (just because there are lots of fish doesn't mean any of them want to swim around you)

That said, I'm really not going to begrudge someone saying something like that because it's just polite, just like I wouldn't get mad at someone saying bless you because I'm not christian.


The bolded part is the one thing that separates "there are plenty of fish in the sea" from the quote in the OP. For that reason, I wouldn't begrudge them if they said it either (even if they were using it to imply what was said in the OP).


yeah, I prefer it for the sake of accuracy
but I don't mind the other phrase because I'm not super concerned with the accuracy of polite canned phrases, it's the sentiment that counts and the sentiment is nice (essentially, "I see you as being someone worthy of a partner")


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AScomposer13413
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04 Aug 2012, 9:17 am

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
AScomposer13413 wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
I really like "there are plenty of fish in the sea" for that kind of sentiment
because it's true (there are a lot of people in the world) hopeful (because with lots of people there is lots of opportunity) and because it accounts for not finding someone (just because there are lots of fish doesn't mean any of them want to swim around you)

That said, I'm really not going to begrudge someone saying something like that because it's just polite, just like I wouldn't get mad at someone saying bless you because I'm not christian.


The bolded part is the one thing that separates "there are plenty of fish in the sea" from the quote in the OP. For that reason, I wouldn't begrudge them if they said it either (even if they were using it to imply what was said in the OP).


yeah, I prefer it for the sake of accuracy
but I don't mind the other phrase because I'm not super concerned with the accuracy of polite canned phrases, it's the sentiment that counts and the sentiment is nice (essentially, "I see you as being someone worthy of a partner")


Oddly enough, it's the sentiment of the phrase in the OP that angers me on top of who's saying it, not the inaccuracy. Personally, I find it true on the surface for myself (I haven't officially dated anyone yet, but have had a lot of attempts go well up to a certain point) and when (close) friends say it to me, I believe it. My anger directed at it comes from someone who says it right after being rejected and does so without even leaving behind a chance to be friends.


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biostructure
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05 Aug 2012, 2:20 am

Oh yes, I hate this one! More when it comes from women, though, than other guys. When my guy friends say it, I have an easier time being optimistic, because I know they're on my "side", and in some sense want it to be true as much as I do (hence, would probably feel as empty saying it without believing it, as I would hearing it). Plus, they are not contributing to the problem. When women say it, they have almost inevitably rejected me, and then they are effectively "passing the buck". It is this "buck-passing" part that irritates me.

Also, I definitely find the statement better if it's qualified by some sort of explanation (like in my case, something like "I've met a few women around our age who have never dated yet"). Even if they cannot provide examples of those women, they have provided credibility that they exist. I notice other men do this far more often than women.

About attitude, being positive definitely helps in general social situations, like parties--I've noticed that when in a positive mood, more people want to hang out and chat with me in groups. The problem is, it also creates a higher expectation and therefore a "taller cliff" to fall from when failures happen. Plus sometimes it can lead me to "settle", which can cause more problems than it's worth. I.e., I've had to lower my standards MANY times over the past years, and in a positive mood, the experience of success (or even near-success) doesn't actually satisfy me, it just means I long even more to find someone I actually feel strongly attracted toward, and (often subconsciously) treat the "stepping stone" people worse than I would have treated them had I still had no success getting anyone.



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05 Aug 2012, 7:14 am

biostructure wrote:
About attitude, being positive definitely helps in general social situations, like parties--I've noticed that when in a positive mood, more people want to hang out and chat with me in groups. The problem is, it also creates a higher expectation and therefore a "taller cliff" to fall from when failures happen. Plus sometimes it can lead me to "settle", which can cause more problems than it's worth. I.e., I've had to lower my standards MANY times over the past years, and in a positive mood, the experience of success (or even near-success) doesn't actually satisfy me, it just means I long even more to find someone I actually feel strongly attracted toward, and (often subconsciously) treat the "stepping stone" people worse than I would have treated them had I still had no success getting anyone.


Ah yes, the "positive mood" cliché...

When I'm positive I make too much sociable friends, when I'm angry and negative I get men that want sex, when I'm myself I'm socially disconnected and, of course, I'm alone.

I don't know what formula I need to learn to be in equilibrium with my idiosyncrasy and my love and social life. I suppose the only answer is "to meet people like you", you know, the minority out there.

About the higher expectation of people when you are performing the "sociable" role, that's so true, it's like a spiral. Once they meet you in that role, you are "trapped" on it, and can be exhausting to maintain it.


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20 Aug 2012, 8:37 pm

PastFixations wrote:
Dunno why but I do dislike it when exes say that or someone you found out wasn't single/interested.
I'm sure I'm not the only one but it seems like a cliche to say.
I've known it to happen many times.
I get that not everyone is like that and everyone is different but still... giving advice is a risque thing depending on the discussion taking place.
you atleast have had exes so u statistically WILL find someone..guys lie me who are turning 23 this year and still have yet to KISS a girl probably won't!
Im 6'2 200 good build, bench 315 am a college grad, but nope no gf!


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BlueMax
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20 Aug 2012, 10:48 pm

Does any girl anywhere care how much a guy can bench??



yellowtamarin
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20 Aug 2012, 11:00 pm

BlueMax wrote:
Does any girl anywhere care how much a guy can bench??

Sometimes, in my gym junkie phases when I want something to compare my own bench weight to. ;)



wtfid2
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20 Aug 2012, 11:05 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
Does any girl anywhere care how much a guy can bench??

Sometimes, in my gym junkie phases when I want something to compare my own bench weight to. ;)
you must be a pretty strong female to compare yourself to males. I once knew agirl who could bench 145 for a few reps


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yellowtamarin
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20 Aug 2012, 11:14 pm

wtfid2 wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
Does any girl anywhere care how much a guy can bench??

Sometimes, in my gym junkie phases when I want something to compare my own bench weight to. ;)
you must be a pretty strong female to compare yourself to males. I once knew agirl who could bench 145 for a few reps

Haha, nah, I know most guys are stronger than me so I might aim for "half as strong as him" or "just want to close the gap a bit" or something. I'm competitive, so I'd use his weight as a reference point, but never as a "wow you are so strong I love you!" kind of thing.

Plus not that many females go anywhere near a bench, so I need to compare myself to something. :tongue:



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09 Sep 2012, 6:16 pm

My dad tells me that all the time. I've been on the dating site OKCupid for over 2 years now and I rarely ever get noticed. Anyone I meet on there in person are either half-hearted or doesn't know what it's like to be me. I know I may be 23, but my time is now and I don't feel like I can wait.


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09 Sep 2012, 6:33 pm

HisDivineMajesty wrote:
A rule of life is that there is always a steady group of young men who are completely unable to find a partner, and they're the people hearing this excuse too often. You're telling them there's a lifeboat and a rescue ship when there's nothing but cold, watery abyss below them and they might as well go down with the ship. If you'd be honest, and if people would be honest, we wouldn't have sickening excuses like this.


Goodness gracious me. *facepalm*


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09 Sep 2012, 6:44 pm

This was posted a while ago I know, but I didn't reply and this thread is still going.

HisDivineMajesty wrote:
That's really hard when you're genuinely unappealing.


You're not wrong.


HisDivineMajesty wrote:
First of all, keep the term 'you' out of that. I'm not a nice guy, and the only reason I might be keeping a relaxed and friendly tone at times is because I'm currently at my second official warning on this forum. Furthermore, according to contemporary psychology, friendly and quiet men (not nice guys) becoming jocks would greatly increase their chances of women finding them. Indeed, no matter how hard this is debated, the men called 'jocks' by nice guys are simply guys who know what it takes to be succesful, and I applaud them for that.


Since when did 'friendly and quiet men' become 'not nice guys?' Don't believe everything you read/hear in relation to 'contemporary psychology.' All the friendly and quiet men I know have girlfriends or are married.


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10 Sep 2012, 10:36 pm

HisDivineMajesty wrote:
It's a cliche, it's condescending, and it's absolutely false. A lot of people will not find someone at any point in their lives. From what I understand, this is simply another method, used mainly by women as they're the ones doing most rejecting, to 'shift the blame'. Tell a man he has a chance elsewhere and hopefully he'll leave you alone. Then the next person will reject him there, and send him elsewhere.

Remember that South Park episode where towns save themselves by sending the homeless to other towns with promises of change?
Here we have a comparable situation. Just promise people they'll find something elsewhere and hope they'll leave.
"Hey, don't raid Constantinople - the lands to the west have more loot than you can carry!"


I think women just do what they do, just like men do what they do. I can't really hold it against them. I figure if they don't like you in that way, they don't like you. Its not really a fault of their character or yours necessarily. There's no real reason for me to not think the phrase isn't genuine either. I think they're just wishing you the best and do see some sort of value in you as a person, just not as a romantic interest.



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10 Sep 2012, 10:52 pm

That statement annoys me so much. I've never been rejected to the statement, but my mom has been telling me that since even before my teen years. Everything has changed since then, except for my relationship status. A lot of NTs are just that hopelessly romantic. I always consider someone saying "you will find someone someday" is just saying BS. My parents and friends say it to try and be nice, but it really just makes the issue worse. No amount of saying empty statements is ever going to change my views on relationships. These ideas come from personal experiences only.



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18 Sep 2012, 7:11 pm

PastFixations wrote:
Dunno why but I do dislike it when exes say that or someone you found out wasn't single/interested.
I'm sure I'm not the only one but it seems like a cliche to say.
I've known it to happen many times.
I get that not everyone is like that and everyone is different but still... giving advice is a risque thing depending on the discussion taking place.


i hate it when people say there is someone for everyone, it gets so annoying