Im in love with someone who has Aspergers

Post Reply New Topic

Hi Caramel....another NT here that has Aspie friends, one is a particulary close relationship. Reading through this thread produces so many (random) thoughts, I am just going to throw them out there. I apologize in advance if they wander. And for the Aspies reading my reply, please note that any of my comments here are my opinion or my observations.

Aspies thrive on the internet. Many Aspies excel with the written word, have a vocabulary an NT can only dream about, and/or can express themselves wonderfully in writing. I would suggest you ask this guy you are interested in for his IM names and get his email address. I think this online girlfriend is someone that has gotten into his head (and visa versa) from extensive writing. Why not try to do the same? The computer acts as a shield and faux pas are easily covered. You have the added advantage by being there in real life - just be very careful and try to ascertain if some subjects are only okay on the internet and not face to face. Some Aspies are braver online.

Your comment about returning to the ex concerned me, and not specifically because of the abuse. What I felt I was hearing is that you don't feel like you are whole unless you are attached to a man, any man. If that is even remotely true, I urge you to explore why. It's said you can't give away something you don't have yourself - meaning you have to love yourself before you can love another. I fear a serious "crash and burn" is in your future if you believe you need a man, any man, to make you feel complete.

And one other comment or piece of advice.....this friend of his, the one you gather information from.....I am assuming she knows you are attracted to this Aspie? Do you know if she is Aspie or NT? If she is NT, I would bet my mortgage payment that this guy already knows you are interested. (If he is still smiling, that is a good sign). If I were in your shoes, I would immediately discontinue sharing any information with this girl, as well as, discontinue asking her any questions about him. Communication is difficult enough in the AS/NT relationship, adding a go-between is disasterous.

A very close friend disclosed his AS to me 9 or 10 months ago - we became even closer after the disclosure. What started as an online friendship has become a real life relationship. We literally have (and still do) hours of text dialog between us and get together for the weekend when our schedules permit. If I had to make a choice and give him up either online or IRL, I don't think I could make the decision. Go slow and have patience. Even if things don't work out in the romance department, you could be looking at someone that would be a (best) friend for life.

Again, random thoughts and the best of luck,

SheDevil

No, no SheDevil..... I appreciate any and all comments you have to give me as i'm entirely and utterly confused about everything he does...and its because he treats me different everyday...the way he acts is never consistent and i think maybe its because he's more engrossed in his work than me which is understandable... but honestly its doing my head in... i'll look at him longingly sometimes and try to talk to him and he doesn't seem to want to talk much...other days he seems to want to talk to me and look at me and spend time trying to get into my head and it makes me feel so warm and happy... i don't even know when its okay to show i like him and when its not... some days i just want to ask him out and get an answer and other days i think he hates me....
maybe you could shed some light?

i noticed that bit about Aspies enjoying the internet....i definitely know a thing or two about the written word and can understand that way of thinking..some days the best thing to curl up with are my own words...I think I should try asking for his im name...
or at least write him a letter...he looks like he has so many intelligent things to say and so much of it i want to absorb... would you happen to think it too far-fetched to ask him out and just do it or start out online.... and then see where it leads?

Actually I was alone up until the end of 05' without EVER being in any time of long term anything with anybody.... I even lost my longterm friendship with a girl after 5 years of being close to her so i haven't had much experience on the friendship or relationship spectrum so i'm actually quite used to being by myself... I'm actually quite good at giving love to someone- in ways i've never even thought could happen but truthfully.... i'm so used to not receiving it back that i don't even think i need it anymore.... there probably will be a serious crash and burn...but then again my relationship with my ex was a serious crash and burn so i'm steadily learning about men from that experience....

Ohhh and that friend of mine? she definitely does know that i am attracted to him... in fact she started it all under the guise of asking him if he wanted to go on a "blind date" with someone.... of course i didn't find this out until she told me (which was after she asked him!) and thats how i'm finding out everything... she kind of took it upon herself to move forward in my own situation
she's NT but i'm not entirely sure how she knows he and Aspie... in fact, i'm quite curious she knows all that she knows unless she "bullied" him for information... i DEFINITELY don't see them talking that much to each other... or anything so i'm wondering whats going on there.... I think you're probably right... shes got a big mouth and wont shut up... so i'm sure more than just him know...in fact i think he might've heard our conversation where she was yelling at me for not asking him out for coffee (i was nervous and stuttering so i think he either heard me or her yelling...) so i'm pretty sure he does know... but like i said everyone else seems to be "hinting" (keep mentioning to me to ask a question to him and HIM in particular when i need something) so now i'm wondering if he's been telling people how he feels or if they got it from my one "friend"....

he is still smiling and, the next day, he was so flirty and sweet to me i felt like we might actually go somewhere... Do you think, rightfully (and given aspie mannerisms) it would be best for me to attempt to ask him or wait and hope he asks me for my info (email, im, phone)? 'm so done telling her anything else because although I had mentioned something to her... i'm a very private person who wants to prevent myself from getting hurt... I didnt even add her...she added herself and i told her the way she does
things i don't do them like that and she said you dont but i do....i just wanted to fly under the radar and not make our limited time at work together burdened by things that shouldnt have ever happened...

And one other comment or piece of advice.....this friend of his, the one you gather information from.....I am assuming she knows you are attracted to this Aspie? Do you know if she is Aspie or NT? If she is NT, I would bet my mortgage payment that this guy already knows you are interested. (If he is still smiling, that is a good sign). If I were in your shoes, I would immediately discontinue sharing any information with this girl, as well as, discontinue asking her any questions about him. Communication is difficult enough in the AS/NT relationship, adding a go-between is disasterous.

I have to remember to go slow but i'm so passionate and i desire so much to go fast when its so much more appropriate to go slow.... i'm always afraid if i don't speed things they'll never reach that point, or the guy will lose interest and find himself with another woman... I wish we would have more than 3 minutes to talk which is why i was just going to ask him out... in an entirely platonic way as not to intimidate him and hope he said yes and that it would bridge the gap between us...

I dont do so hot with friends.... ever... i'm actually a bit of a loner and when i want friends i don't want to deal with them all the time just when i want to deal with them for some reason.... if he's going to be the same way it'll make it harder for us to be friendly i think and especially since i'm attracted to him.... that would be harder than anything else...

Thank you again SheDevil! Any extra advice, comments, or suggestions woul definitely be appreciated!
THANK YOU!!

why I know that Caramel answered, here is my intellectual bout.

Damn! I was hoping this thread was about me

I even know a curly haired caramel skin girl. But alas she's never hugged me and she knows my AIM.

But pictoral evidence is always encouraged just to make sure.