How to deal with unwanted attention?

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The unfortunate part is that everyone besides Kjas did indeed ignore it.

Sounds like mds_02 struck a few nerves with his first post. He described exactly what happens on here before it happened. People usually don't like to be called "predictable".

Just reread it and, um yeah, I'm pretty sure I was. Or at least I was the only one accused of blaming women for it.

s**t man, I'm misinterpreting people left and right here. And, after rereading, one or two are misinterpreting the holy hell out of what I'm saying.

So, um, I'm sorry things are going badly for you. And I'm sorry guys are being dicks to you. I thought people were advocating something they weren't and all I wanted to say was "try to be nice to people, if possible" but I went about it all wrong, and f****d up your whole thread. Sorry about that too.

I think I'm just gonna slink back into the shadows now.

*hugs* for mds_02.

I get what you meant and the principle behind it - you know I agree with the principle of what you're trying to get across.

I think meems misinterrupted you too, as in she thought you were advocating something that you weren't - which is easy to do when you're focusing primarily on one thing due to other posters continuing to engage you.

Like I said, they are connected - but we need to keep the focus on the OP if possible, or at least 50% of the time.

It looked like he was talking a hypothetical-scenario of guy being persecuted for trying to talk to a woman in real life. Then the guy comes on this board and posts a thread about it, and then women on here automatically defend the one who persecuted him.

The replies he got made it sound like something totally different though.

So does anyone have anything relevant to say to the OP?

I wad talking about BlueMax, not mds_02, I just didn't want to be confrontational. He also replied and explained what he meant.

I wasn't talking to mds_02, nor did I misinterpret him.

I probably should've posted this in Women's Discussion. My mistake.

Complain about the women of this forum all you want, but the WP Whiny Boys Brigade is really predictable and annoying as well.

So yeah, f-ck this thread.

I find it shocking that some people support a guy harrassing the OP. I would call the cops if a guy tried to do that to me!

I think that might be a good idea for future reference.

Sadly, L&D is not really the place for this sort of thing.
It should be, but it never manages to actually get there without being overtaken by other agendas.

I'm not really sure what more you could do.

The only thing I can think of is that some girls think they are being assertive when really they are coming across quite... docile.
Is that possibly one of the issues with you?

If it's not then at least you can rule that out, and we can attmept to think of other things.

I agree with that but from the point of view of any of you guys who are willing to take that risk and initiate things with a girl, one major key to success with the opposite sex appears to be not being overly concerned with rejection. I know a guy very plain looking with a marked stutter, short and of only modest income. He is never without female company but that is becuase despite his lack of looks he doesn't act insecure about it - he has lots of self-confidence and on a night out he will probably try more than a dozen times to initiate contact with women, sometimes he will even approach women who rejected him earlier. However he doesn't start with some quip about how a woman looks - this is too full on for most women and where we feel threatened then yes we will try to defend ourselves.

In respect of the OP. The only other thing i can think of, when I'm out in town at the weekend I try to minimise eye contact when I see groups of loud shouty drunk men. Not as in look at the floor as the meekness will often be provocative game for the leery but as in looking ahead or beyond at something else. Look confident and you will be less likely to become a target.

Well this explains why this guy can get girls then. If you're a guy like me, who is worse than average looks-wise, has slow, slurred speech, and has NO money to speak of, self-confidence won't get you anywhere. Believe me. I know.

(I also don't make quips about how women look either, at least not until I know them. Even then it's always something light, like a compliment about their eyes, but I still get treated like a rapist most of the time. I probably come off weird because of my looks and speech.) I should also mention, that on top of this, I see guys literally grope women out here on the street where I live, and these guys somehow get dates! This makes no sense to me. However, I get to know a girl's personality, tell them they have nice hair or eyes, and get treated like I just killed their mother. Why is this?

Someone didn't read my post in page 1. I had that in mind with my response.

Hmmm. Not sure what you're trying to say - from what you say you sound like you are very similar to the guy I mentioned but with a lot less confidence, unless you are trying to that having SOME income (and I believe at the moment he is not currently working - just getting state benefits which is very minimal) as opposed to literally none at all is what gets him the girls. I suppose that would be true, but before you even get to have women evaluate you for things like income (and sadly quite a few do) you need to project something with is potentially appealing to women. This is guy is always smiling and showing positivity.

However I understand you can't just "get confident" - try your local lending library and see if they have books on improving your confidence levels - that sort of thing. One book which i found particularly helpful was Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. When I was at school I was hardly able to talk to anyone and I would be too scared even to buy things in shops I had so little confidence. I improved an awful lot by reading those sorts of books and following all the exercises and suggestions no matter how silly they seemed or how sceptical I was. I'm not saying it will definitely work for you but it might if you are willing to suspend some scepticism and give it a go



Yes, I have observed this sort of phenomenon as well. However it usually in aid of getting a girl to sleep with them which the girl might do if she is drunk and/or desperate. I wouldn't recommend it as a means of getting an actual relationship and of course you could be charged with assault which i don't think is a reasonable risk to take especially if you are already nervous about taking smaller risks. Also its just not very nice.



Either becuase, you came across as threatening albeit unintentionally or maybe the woman concerned is too ungracious to accept a compliment in which case feel pleased as you don't want somebody like that in your life. Some people are also just very bad at taking compliments full stop. Theres a woman at work who i used to try to compliment (not becuase I was interested in having a relationship with her but becuase I was trying to be friendly) I would say nice dress or compliments a piece of work she did well but she would either ignore it and change the subject, or moan that it was not fair that Im skinny or something irrelevant. You can't please some people so don't assume its becuase of how you look.

Re coming across as threatening, less likely to happen if you know the woman in some other context already. Quite a few of us women find unsolicited approaches by strangers a bit frightening and hence the OP's concerns. How about starting off with trying to make friends with women first and see how that goes.

To be honest... I actually don't tend to flirt anyway. I just talk.
So being friendly is one thing but you need something that will give you an edge.



DialAForAwesome, If you feel that your looks put you at a disadvantage... think about those that are amputated and have no arms or legs and are incapable of leading a life of being able to do lots for themselves.
They feel they can't find someone because they feel it would be a lot to ask and feel just as bad as you.
Add to that people that are deafblind who may never be able to hear or see.

You have an opportunity to achieve those goals just like the guy who climbed a mountain when he had no legs. He used his hands to walk and a wheelchair... sure some people helped him but he was determined to climb that mountain.
Sometimes he did feel like giving up but he didn't and he now helps those in a similar position.

Last edited by PastFixations on 14 Oct 2012, 12:09 am, edited 2 times in total.

I dunno, to me this guy sounds like kinda the opposite of me. Average looks, modest income (to me "modest" means he makes more than minimum wage, but not enough to be rich), mild speech problem (stuttering really isn't bad at all, at least people don't call you ret*d over it, and a lot of women at least find stuttering cute. I know this because I know guys who stutter a lot who have girls falling all over them). It's not a confidence thing at all for me, really. I was confident until I hit about 21 years old and started realizing that there were serious things wrong with me that were hindering my progress on everything. I happen to know my problems and limitations now, and am kind of comfortable with them. But being comfortable in your own skin doesn't guarantee anything, nor does it really matter in the scheme of things. The world, and human nature itself, revolves around interaction with others. I should note I was always smiling too, even though I wasn't happy (though no one could tell I wasn't happy. In fact I got a reputation for being happy)





I'll tell you something I saw just a few weeks ago. I was sitting outside, and a woman about my age was walking down the street. She glared at me and this guy, who was probably about 21 or so, was walking towards her, and whistled at her and basically, in a crude way that I don't think I'm allowed to say on this forum, commented on her chest. She got pretty flattered over it too. The messed up thing is, if I'd done that, I'd have gotten pepper sprayed or kicked in the nuts. Not that I'd ever do that, but that's incredibly lame. I seem to remember her giving him her number too.



I honestly can't please anyone, seems like, and the reason I assume it's my looks or speech is because, again, other guys can go up to the same girls, not even knowing them like I do, and make crude comments and get thanked. Some even get dates or sex from them. I remember one time I told a girl I knew for years that she was beautiful. I didn't do anything or say anything creepy. This was all I said to her. I wasn't even right next to her at the time. She decided to slap me for that. Not a play slap either. This same girl got picked up by a "handsome" guy later after he made a crude comment to her. Did I mention she is still going out with this guy 3 years later? I know you'll say that not all women are like this, and you're right, but quite a few of them I know, at least, are like this, and I have no options as far as leaving this state goes. If I could leave here, I would. I'm sure the women are better damn near everywhere else but here. But that's another thing, online dating isn't an option anymore either. It's a "damned if you do /don't" situation because of the problems I have. Do I mention these problems and get rejected right away, or wait and not mention the problems and get rejected later? That's the trap I always fall into with that.



I do this all the time too. I never, ever, EVER go into something starting off with compliments or anything, because I know what would happen if I did. I try to start off as friends, but a lot of them don't appreciate that from me. If I like a girl and they find out, most of the time, they think I'm taking the friendship for granted, so they cut ties with me, or make me into their counselor instead of their friend.