asked a woman out today

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I did the math......

And, unless both partners tend to buy about the same cost in food each time, you can actually end up costing yourself MORE (or less) by such an arrangement. Consider, for example:

Person 1 buys 10 dollars worth of food, and Person 2 buys 15 dollars worth of food.

By alternating, Person 1 would be paying, on average, 12.5 dollars per meal, whereas if they had been paying only for their own food, it would be 10 dollars each time.

why would one friend buy more food than the other friend every time? that makes no sense. if it happened consistently, obviously you'd point it out. but usually most items on each section of the menu cost about the same, and most people are not greedy with their friends. if they ARE greedy with their friends... then maybe pick new friends?

That's what I was thinking... especially with a romantic partner. It certainly wouldn't be fair if one person chooses a "free" $10 meal, and the other chooses the $30 steak & lobster when it's their "freebie". That kind of behaviour really shows their nature... are they a giver or a taker? A few dates of taking turns will show!

If two people take turns in paying for stuff, and whether it's their free day or not doesn't influence their decision, then statistically they should end up paying the same in the long run. If someone abuses it, well, that's different, and that shouldn't happen.

Many women habitually choose the most expensive food available. A date is not a "friend," it's a potential friend, acquaintance, lover, or partner, depending on the outcome of the date. The motivation for eating lobster and drinking champagne should be somewhat clear (they are costly for a reason, and that reason relates to demand).

Given that the date is ostensibly an interaction facilitating the process of "getting to know" one another, and not (ostensibly) focused on the acquisition of food/drinks/coffee, there should be nothing objectionable to separate bills. This is not logistically difficult and it ensures that each party bears the appropriate responsibility.

When I ask someone out for drinks, my intent is not to pay for the privilege of their time and attention. My intent is to secure further interaction, given a mutual interest. A financial commitment is inappropriate at such an early juncture (frankly a financial commitment isn't something I'm interested in at all, but I understand that some relationships rest on that type of foundation).

^^^ If I'm on a first date (therefore expected to pay) I would either immediately halt the date the moment she tried to order something obviously and ridiculously expensive like the steak & lobster - or ask the waiter to come back so I can ask her what her reasons are for ordering something 3-4 times the price of mine...

...who knows - she may surprise me by saying that she'd pay for her own, etc?

well, no free coffee for me yet. One of these days a woman will buy me coffee

[img][400:214]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_kUu0WfB8Z7I/TUhKz-f_7YI/AAAAAAAAAjA/3GgdDWTZKMI/s1600/McDfreecoffee.jpg[/img]

Last edited by BlueMax on 23 Nov 2012, 3:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

Godspeed!

I would not depend it on who is the woman or who is the man, but on who earns how much and if a location where you want to go, is to expensive for the other one. So my partner was studying, while i was already working. So it would be a little unfair if i said "Oh, i´d like to go to the mall, and into an Italian restaurant, afterwards lets look a film at the cinema and have some drinks and snacks, and if we like, we can still go bowling afterwards." and then expect that he would pay me that, if he never would do this things on hiw own, because he had to safe money. So we both bought each other things, but it was naturally depending on the income.

As example i think the 1,50 $ maronet chocolate heart from my partner who was only earning beside his studyings, is much more worth then an 120 $ dinner payed by a millionaire.

I knew, that he didnt always like it, but i always told him, that there will be enough things to pay for him, when hes done studying, because we planned to get children then and if we can afford it, i´d like to stay at home as long as they are still crawling.

I'd consider asking for lobster or something really expensive in a first date as quite rude, and it would definitely say something about the real motivations of the other person. The unspoken agreement around here is that when someone treats another to a meal, the treatee will order something roughly the same price as the treater. sometimes lower if particularly shy, but never significantly higher.

yah but id ont see the purpose. why can ttwo people hang out just to enjoy eachother whether friends or partners? Why should i have to buy my friend a dinner if i wanna go out to eat with him? Im assuming you are older and have te wealth to do this but i cant go buying people food lol.

lol when they have those i go to 100 mcds and spend 100 in gas rofl

if you were a girl and not too harsh on the eyes id wifey you

Very nice, I agree wholeheartedly.

I tend to order cheaper items on the menu, because I instinctively intent to pay, or if I know I'm not paying (e.g. in a different situation like a family dinner rather than a date) I'll make sure I don't choose something too expensive, so I'm not being rude.

So...

This is not likely to happen with me, but if I did order something expensive, I'd be embarrassed if my date stopped me and asked why I was ordering what I was ordering. As I intend to pay, I feel I can order whatever the hell I want. It doesn't occur naturally to me to think of the other person paying, or splitting down the middle. Splitting down the middle actually bothers me because I'm usually the one ordering the cheaper meal, BECAUSE I think I'm paying for my own.