what are asperger men problem

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all of them. it's so odd that so many of the women in your group had dated before. maybe it was an age thing? in my group, it was restricted to people over 25. or maybe it was a cultural difference.

blunnet, my point was that plastering this forum with the same garbage over and over again is quite hostile to the women who have spoken up in the past about not having experience. why would they come here for help and support when they are treated like they don't exist and told they have it easier (even though they have gotten to middle age with NO dates)?

it is interesting that people make the point that a female "simply needs to exist" to have any offers at all - so it seems that she is not allowed to have standards.

but a man could someone in the world to date if he had no standards at all as well. i mean, we saw how the men were disgusted by the description of BlueMax's sister. it is interesting that the men are allowed to have standards and pick and choose who they want to date... then complain that they have no success (and that is just their standards), but if women have standards then they are being picky.

you have no idea what choices the women might be facing - it could be the male version of BlueMax's sister, in which case you have no right to question her standards. and the women that some men on the board are deciding not to as out could be perfectly attractive but only 20lb overweight. i can assure you that you have not seen anything on the forum that would point to the idea that women are being particularly picky while men are not being similarly picky overall.

so really, it's just a matter of perspective. if you've already decided that women have it easier, then you've created some fiction where we all have Brad Pitt asking us on dates, and all that is left over for you to date is BlueMax's sister. but that's not the reality for anyone here.

I did say in my first post that the reasons men can't get into relationships are more complex than the problems I outlined. I said what I talked about was an additonal problem that's resulted. And if you know this - I assume you mean you know things because of personal experience? - then how can you know what it's like for women?

Not always. For the sake of truth, I did lose my first girlfriend to a player, and even though I'd seen it coming it still sucked. But the second one, I prevailed against a guy who by all classic PUA accounts should have been the better one (more money, social status, more women behind him etc etc) and her reason was that she felt that I truly cared about him, while he didn't. So apparently caring for each other does matter in a relationship after all

There is excitement to be had with a player, and some women enter into a relationship with a player just for that. Or a good one, master of body language, can fool a woman about his true intentions (actually, if I understood right that's a problem AS women have, they are not as good at spotting liars as NT ones, so they are especially vulnerable to this.) So there are both women who get played, and women who willingly play the game (too corny? Whatever )

To the point. Players by definition will have several women around them, as will charming men or successful men or other kinds (I find that the "player" label has negative connotations, it should not be used all the time to refer to men who have success with women, some are not looking to "play" anyone). These kinds of men exist. And as I asked before... so what? That's outside our control. Resenting romantically successful men and the women who love them doesn't achieve anything. Or worse, just resenting women in general, period. Do what's inside your control, become a better man (ohhhh but men have to do all the work women can just sit around and get approached they have it easier it's not fair... life is not fair, deal with it. It's actually more complex than that, but for the purposes of this explanation I'll just concede that point istead of arguing over it) Also, if you approach the right woman, players won't be a problem.

Hmm. Where on the spectrum do they tend to fall on? The groups I'm a part of have people generally on the higher rather than the lower side, that might play a big part in it. It could be that lower down on the spectrum, the gap tends to close considerably. We also generally range in the 20-30 bracket.

Or maybe the Goddess of Statistics is having me on for a good laugh.

we had HFA and aspies in our group, but they didn't have to have a formal diagnosis. they had to be high functioning enough not to be disruptive.

If it's not a cultural thing, then, one of us must have the non-representative sample here.

one thing i did notice is that some of the men and women in my group had crushes but didn't necessarily act on them. only one pairing came out of the group itself.

Yeah, and then there's me, the fat f*****g nintendo kid, who is shy and eccentric as hell to where I don't even understand other aspies very well, and yet I have no problems with relationships... Perhaps it's because instead of lamenting on a message board about how I couldn't get a date before I ever got a date, I just went out and tried? And instead of getting discouraged whenever it didn't quite work out, I just moved on to the next one. Maybe that has something to do with it... Or maybe it's the my little pony obsession which includes a collection of the toys that's turning women off? Maybe it's the inane talk about adam sandler or whatever the hell your special interest might be. I have things I'm obsessed about too, but I don't sit there and just ramble on and on about it to everyone, especially not someone I want a relationship with. Why? Because I want her to be able to talk too, and I wouldn't like it very much if every time I turned around she insisted on talking about CSI Miami or something she likes that I couldn't give 2 s**ts about.

And maybe it's also because the differences inherent in both males and females when it comes to dating. Women only "have to exist" because men are "supposed to" do the approaching. This also leads to problems exclusive to females in that they get constantly bombarded by guys who thought their tits looked nice or something and decided they need to tell them about it.

This s**t is getting ridiculous...

Oh, and I don't dress "nice" either. I wear whatever's comfortable, which means I'm either naked, wearing shorts and a t-shirt, BDUs, or pajamas. I refuse to wear cologne. I don't and won't own a pair of jeans. I speak very bluntly. I tell it like it is. If I see BS, I call it out. For the last 6 years, I've been in a relationship constantly with the exception of a week or two in between girlfriends.

Last edited by DerStadtschutz on 02 Dec 2012, 9:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

He's got a point, my fellow men! You'll get no shortage pissing and moaning from me, but I'm still out there doing everything I can to find the one for me. Sure, I've never had a relationship proper, but it sure beats the ever living f**k out of being a kissless virgin like I was a year ago...

I second that. Gotten myself laid more in the last two months than in my whole life before that and an attempt at a relationship in the process. Can't complain too much.

AspieMike, those women you say you got laid with, were they players, were *you* playing them, or was it just a playground affair altogether?

One person was an honest attempt at a relationship and I wouldn't let her sleep with me for at least a couple weeks after we started to see eachother. The other one as it stands right now... refer to the cancelled date thread.

I was just wondering. People's experience's are interesting. I wonder all in all, if men would rather have lots of sex, or have a meaningful relationship, which can consequently lead to regular sex? It just seems like a lot of Aspie men are not big into commitment? Or maybe that is just my (little) experience with them. My problem lies with mixed messages. Someone tells me they are not looking for commitment. Yet, they want to see me on a regular basis, and I know they are not seeing anyone else. That person told me that we were "not" in a relationship, however, we saw each other regularly, exchanged presents, emailed every day, and never had a row.

Go figure

In all honesty, at this time I see no reason to get into a relationship. I am just trying to feel the emotions of another person and have fun with them and show them that they can have fun with me around. I won't lie when I say I like sex, and I have a good idea of what good sex is for me anyway. I can't speak for all other aspie men, but I wouldn't be surprised if the younger ones were like me when I was younger... desparate to lose virginity, even if it means that they compromise their principles and morals.

AspieMike, what you describe is a relationship to me. What would make it a relationship for you?