Why NT`s are not atracted to aspies?

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True. Too many women think: "I won't date an autistic. Period. Whether he has social skills or not. Whether I can have fun with him or not. Even when he is physically attractive [that bunch of nonsense I have heard in the past often enough], I won't date him. If I see an NT men, even with less social skills than the autistic I met, I will date him."

I understand women that don't like men because of their disrespectful behaviour, but I have a hard time understanding women that use "autism" as a label and won't date them, no matter what.

Many women are shortsighted.

I've dated guys and had other women tell me the guy I'm dating is out of my league.

But none of those guys were gems. I mean I've dated some pretty awful people, because I used to be awful myself. I was attracted to people as f****d up as me, regardless of their appearance.

This never ended well, but it was what I wanted at the time so I'm not going to act like I didn't get what I wanted out of those relationships.

Some guys go all "Girls only date jerks, wah wah boo hoo" but yeah, if I want to date a jerk, that's what I'm going to do and it's got nothing to do with other guys.

I always thought the only reason men acted like jerks is because women find guys who act like jerks attractive. If women started swooning over male nurses and kindergarten teachers instead of as*hole businessmen, jocks, lawyers, etc., then men would change their behavior.

And gender roles exist mostly because male and female brains are different, not because of any sort of systematic bias.

Yes, this is credited. But I think I have found a way to pretend to be a jerk in fun without actually being one. It works for at least some women, at least in the short-term.

I think both men and women are attracted to jerk-like behavior on some level.

Professions don't indicate whether or not someone is a jerk.

Two of the jerks I dated were male nurses.

But I totally agree, men are basically incapable of changing their behavior without sex as an incentive.

Weak men with low intelligence, that is.

Or you're intelligent, but are on a drought not seen since the Great Depression. Which would be worse? lol

As a female NT in a relationship with an aspie, I can say that we're given a very specific idea of what romance is supposed to be by the media, society, magazines, etc. and that the idea we're given is not exactly what romance is like with an aspie. There are parts of a NT/Aspie relationship that require sacrifice from either partner, and some people do not want to give up the idea of what they are told things are supposed to be like.

In my experience, the things that I have accepted will not change or suddenly begin to happen in my relationship are made up for by the unique things that do happen. It requires work, acceptance, and understanding on the part of the NT, but this is the most fulfilling relationship I have ever been in. Don't give up hope - there is someone out there who will be willing to work through whatever difficulties are present in your relationship.

Why would I feel pressure dating beautiful woman? The beauty of any future love I will have seems good enough; if I love them, and am in a relationship with them how can their higher or lower 'league' be stressful?

Because over time I think we tend to influence them like this! [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_d6XlSx387E[/youtube]

I have a theory about this, and it relates to why Aspergers (and other psychological conditions) tend to get bullied so much too.

Instinctively, animals tend to have built in subconscious mechanisms for natural selection, or "survival of the fittest". This might look like the runt of a litter of animals getting "bullied" by their siblings until it dies. Humans have much more complex brains, but I believe this instinct still exists in our subconscious, and because of our complex brains, it can even detect things less obvious on the surface than just physical aspects.

I think that bullying can be explained by this subconscious natural selection mechanism. A child in school may look normal on the surface (as many Aspergers do), but if they have a psychological condition, they seem to be less likely to "fit in" with the "popular crowd". Why is this? Becuase subconsciously, the person who looks attractive and wears all the right clothes can still be "found out" as not normal by this subconscious aspect of our brains that can "see" psychological conditions in people. It can come out by bullying, or ostricization, or other forms of adverse reactions to the person with the condition, despite there being nothing obvious about them that would be a cause for bullying.

Now having said all this, this mechanism is in no way justified to be let free to bully and ostracize. After all, giving in to our destructive instincts is the very basis of immorality, and as possibly the only species with the capability to override our instincts, it's a duty unique to humankind to go against them in cases like this. But that often takes teaching and practice, which is why adults have to step in and stop kids from bullying each other.

When we get to adults though, we may have all learned not to bully, but the subconscious detection system of natural selection still exists in our brains. This can then come out in other ways... such as not dating someone who you don't "feel anything for", even if there doesn't seem to be any logically justifiable reason for turning them down.

I've always been told that all of my friends are a little "different". I chalk it up to the fact that I'm patient and am able to deal with a lot of characteristics that might otherwise irritate people. I know I'm not the only one.

This thread has been all over the place! You would think the fact that there are tons of NT's on here trying to "get with" or understand an Aspie that this wouldn't come up. NT's ARE attracted to Aspies. Now is it the NT you're attracted to? maybe not but it does happen and it happens all the time.

Yeah there are the folks out there that hear "Austistic" and get immediatley turned off but there are aslo people that wont date black people or white people or outside of their race. Screw 'em all!

Amateur Dramatics maybe. iM not sure, but I think it has something to do with how autistics affect their own and others behaviour, can be bad or kind, given the cause of it.

Many humans are short sighted. I know that behaviour as well from boys. Mental disabilities are still a big stigma for people, and even harmless stuff cause people to act angry. When my partner was a year without job he got more and more into a depression and sadness, and I asked him if he maybe wanted to join a selfhelp group or a therapist. As respond he exploded angry and shouted at me, if I thought that he was ret*d and nuts and so on. I never thought anything of that, I simply saw that he got more and more into depression, which I experienced myself, and was sad because I felt I could not help him as good as a more social person could do. I only wanted him to be happier again.

People simply know not much about mental disabilities, and from movies and dumb series mental disabilities is often compared with "sitting in a cozy cell with the "I love myself"-jacket and painting walls with your own poo. You can compare it with schizophrenia, people also no only so few about it and most is of medias, so schizophrenia are crazy people for them, that are talking with two different voices inside their head and one of that voice is always a mad psychopath that wants to slay babies or comparable nonsense. People simply know very few about such stuff, and that not knowing is making them afraid and also adds lots of prejudices that come from fictions, simply because hardly anyone has ever read a scientific book about schizophrenia, so medias and fictions are the only informations they can relie on.

Also families and friends can be a nasty part, so if someone has very intolerant friends or family, then they make you feel ashamed, when you introduce them a partner with a mental disability. Some people see their partners as a kind of status object, so introducing a partner with mental disability to these kind of people is like introducing your new car, a stained second use 20 year old garbage car, to your friends that are all into new cars for prestige. They may be nice in front of you, but when you are not there, they are asking your partner, why the hell he have chosen a "disabled woman" when there are so many better ones. One part I hated with my partners as teenager was, that I felt that they were ashamed of me. They avoided to meet with families, so they didnt know me, told me a hundred times how to behave and what of my behaviour I was forbidden to show, and going out with friends of him mostly was related afterwards to an hour of telling me, what I have done wrong at that evening, when I didnt behave as I should have as a "normal" girlfriend, and in which situations he had to be ashamed because of me, and what I am not allowed to do the next time and so on...

One of the many things that impresses me about my actual husband, is that he gives me the feeling of being proud of me, instead of being ashamed. For him its: "This is my partner, the wonderful woman that I love, not despite her weird behaviour, but because of it." But people like that, anyway of men or women, are really rare diamonds.

Another thing you should think about when its about relationships, is that people are also thinking about children. The chance of having children with disabilities can cause a lot of fear in many people, and specially today, when in many families both parents are forced to work to afford daily life, having a child that needs special care and treatment simply can really be a big problem and may be more then you can handle. Even today in many families its mainly the women, raising the children, so many of them simply are afraid not to manage the extra-work, a child with special behavior needs, just like us they dont have endless power and energy as well. I dont know how people in the US think about that stuff, but I told my partner, that if he had troubles about having children with aspergers, it would be ok for me to have a child with another mother DNA, so I dont care about that and dont think that if you carry a child with you around 9 months, that there would be any distance between me and it, only because of it having another DNA I cant see anyway. So maybe if you feel that a female partner of you, might feel troubled about thinking about a family and if she would manage to raise a little Asperger child and so on, you could think about that as well. Specially if you want to change the male DNA for a common child, this is technical much easier, so in the best case you only need a little cup. ^^

I don't think there are that many NT's who specifcally like aspies. The 7-8 times I managed to date someone more than two weeks, it was because I was hiding my disabilities. Pretty soon, my social brain shuts off semi-permanently, and they find out I'm a negative boring person with nothing to offer. Who would want to date anyone like that?

Is true.