Women: Go back to Hell where you came from.

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Thats inappropriate? I had no idea, I have Asperger's Syndrome. I don't know thats not socailly accpetable. So its ok because I don't know any better.

There you go again, using AS as a crutch for your behavior. Shaye's right, you're a jerk. Own up to it.

And of course you and I both know that this simply isn't true.

If God wants you to be miserable, why would you be in such a hurry to meet Him?

Buy the Mars/Venus books, they're very specific and helpful about behaviours.

Also, what do you think a good relationship would give you?

I would not be lonely anymore, I have everything else, good stable job, a good place to stay but i can't find a women that does not want to screw me over somehow. All I want is a heathly male/ female relationship but I guess thats too much to ask.

So what I posted is socally accpetable?

Well, let's look at the aspects of it here.

First and foremost, your arrangement with the girl who decided to break off her plans with you.

"Friends with Benefits" is one of the most slippery terms in relationship-land, because very few people can make it work in a way that satisfies both people involved.

Why? Well, think about it. Sex is more than a physical and chemical release. There is always an emotional component to it, no matter how detached you think you are. Your reaction to this latest situation is a perfect example of how hard it is to have sex just be sex. There are implicit trust levels involved and you can't always just turn your feelings off.

And you do have feelings, obviously. You have emotional needs that have to be met and perhaps this was helping you meet them in some way. So it still hurts when it goes away.

Beyond that, your dysfunctional dating history means you really don't even have a measurement standard for what a healthy relationship is. Sure, you've got ideas but you haven't really had a chance to hold those ideas up to the reality of the situation, and perhaps you've got some unrealistic expectations that you can't let go of.

"Friends with Benefits" is an arrangement that works best between two consenting and fairly emotionally mature adults. These are the sorts of people who have a big enough sample size on their relationship history to understand it and put it in its proper context.

Frankly, you're not emotionally mature. I don't mean that as an insult. Most people aren't. It doesn't even really have to do with Asperger's. People judge relationships in the context of their experiences, and while you have to go with what you know this doesn't always paint a complete picture.

So I'd have to say that while it might have seemed like a good idea at the time, this wasn't ever going to be a healthy situation for you. You took it a lot more seriously than she did, and that's the danger of that kind of arrangement.

Likewise in the aftermath here, you're making the problem bigger than it has to be. It's somewhat understandable, given how fresh the hurt feels. However, if you frame the problem as "I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life," of course it's going to seem big and scary and unsolvable.

That's what leads to this despair and depression. If you frame the problem in terms that place its solution beyond your reach, it's all too easy to feel like there's nothing you can do.

So for starters, take a deep breath, and don't make this about finding a lifemate. Don't make this a flaw in all of the female gender. Don't make this about a capricious God getting his jollies seeing you suffer. That's only going to put you in a worse mood.

You don't seem to have done much just plain dating. Maybe you've convinced yourself you're not really cut out for it. I can't say for certain. However, this is how people get enough experience dealing with relationships that they can get to the point where not every breakup is the end of the world. This is where emotional maturity comes from. You're capable of it, but you have to believe you are and stop placing the solutions out of your own reach.

No, I'm saying you know quite well what is acceptable.

I know you're angry, but this board is full of people who want to help you.

The question is, do you want to be helped?

I can only judge you based on your posts, and from your posts, you're always complaining about Aspergers, so from my observations, you aren't working with it.



Was that supposed to be funny? It's just disturbing. If that's what I get for trying to give someone advice, I don't think i'll bother again. All you can come up withif someone says something you don't want to hear is something smartarse? What do you want to hear, Ken, what do you want to hear? All women are jerks and one will fall into your arms eventually if you wait long enough? Women are the root of all evil and your attitude is completley normal?



Using Aspergers as an excuse again. That's probably your problem.

I never asked you to judge me in the first place. AS is part of who I am, i will not change, don't try and make me change, accept me for who I am (a social ret*d because of my AS, due to God wanting to screw with me.), or move on, but don't judge or critize me. I don't do that to people, but you decided to critisize me, so I will strike back. I'm almost 39, I won't change, accept me or move on.

If you're dissatisfied with where your life is headed and the situations you end up in, this is not going to work out for you. You can't change the world, and you can't change other people. You can change the way you act, and nobody is expecting you to twist yourself into knots just to act like a "normal" person.

However, not all of your problems come from Asperger's or people not understanding your condition. The sooner you realize that, and the sooner you realize that the only thing you can change is yourself, the sooner you can have your life and your relationships headed in a direction you can be happy about.

One other thing, i did not post this to get people to try and "help" me. I was telling people how I felt. I never asked to be judged. If I wanted to be judged, i would have asked what people think and what I should do.

Well, that one's easy enough. If you don't want people to comment, don't post your thoughts on the internet.

Perhaps it isn't something you directed at me that provoked my response. I could care less if you did something to me.

I never said I wanted to have a child. In fact in a couple of weeks i'm having an operation to make sure I will never have a child. I just want a male/ female relatiuonship with someone else that does not want kids and accepts me for who I am, as i will accept her.

Its tough to say something that's inflammatory to one gender or another and not get a response. If there were a post by one of our female members by one of the more likely few to be a bit misoandrist that said something about all men being players who had no idea what they wanted, being base pigs, or emotionally ret*d it would for sure get a landslide of attention from the guys.