The Cure for Nice Guy Syndrome

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cubedemon, the hustle goes back to forever, it's not something that suddenly developed in 20th-c. America. That's why the punishment for having screwy weights in your shop was death. You can read old hustle stories in the Torah, for crying out loud. Slave for a chick for 7 years? Done. Or something about a blind daddy on his deathbed and a birthright.

I'm guessing that somewhere in the motive for nicing women into sex is the fact that sex generally feels pretty fantastic. Also you can blame Christianity for w*k shame. If you're talking about young men, though, or young women, of course they want to try it, and of course they're going to be clumsy as hell about how they go about getting there. It's built up as the defining experience of adulthood, and not for no reason. You don't get children without it (generally), you don't become the parent generation without it, and there's a tremendous amount of ritual around it for that reason. "You have to trick the girl into it" is probably one of the most damaging notions we've got, but you're talking about very stupid and hormone-raddled post-children, and now that I think about it, it's responsible for the whole idea of sluts. After all, if you don't get to enjoy the idea that you made it happen, you got the win -- if she just fell into your lap on her own -- then the guy doesn't get to feel like such a champ.

Function of utter cluelessness. John Irving really had the right idea: what young men who aren't figuring it out for themselves really need are smart prostitutes. Someone a little imposing and classy, older, who'll teach them how to behave like a person in sex and to understand that they'll damn well respect the woman they screw. Getting there not a sure thing, but not utterly bewildering, either. It's in Robertson Davies, too, if polluted by Canadian primness. Must be a generational thing. Too bad the idea's gone away -- requires either less or more sexual frankness than we've got now, I guess.

Me, I was very lucky. Most of my sexual firsts were with a very sweet young man, and, now that I look back, I see that his hallmates -- who were also my friends, and protective of me -- approved of and were protective of the whole relationship, gave us space, let us be. I doubt very much he was egged on to go any faster than I wanted to go. It's hard to imagine most of them laying down locker-room assholery and impossible to imagine his being receptive to it. (I later found out that they'd been a sort of big-brother posse, and had actually shown up en masse at the door of a guy I'd dated earlier, gave him to understand he'd be treating me well. He disappeared pretty fast.) But it's not as though I had any clue, either. I think it's a much better thing, this sexual openness, so that daughters can talk to mothers and aunts rather than relying on utterly ignorant friends and whatever garbage is online.

The type of prostitutes you are suggesting already exist, they call them "escorts" or "high class escorts".

Preachy thread is preachy........ This is the kind of advice a Clergyman would give and almost none actually relate to NGS.


How about being honest and up front about your feelings instead of being a resentful entitled jerk? Worked for me.

On the contrary, you can also be labeled as desperate for revealing your intentions from the beginning.