When does a woman owe you sex chart

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I'm not comfortable with the reveresal. I liked being the big wage earner back in the early days. My wife also prefes more traditional roles. The way things are is due to life just happening (job loss, lack of related opportunities, lack of demand for certain services, etc.). I had the good fortune recently of licensing two songs to a tv production company for a small fee. Small victories, I know, but it's encouraging and reminds me not to give up.

Being poor for the moment has put a lot of things into perspective. I never fully understood why it's important to only pay in cash and never take out loans. Now I know and understand why poor people are often perpetually poor. We may be poor, but we don't do things poor people do. So when we have an extra $100 at the end of the month it's like Santa came early.

It is a fact men have better earning potential, regardless of whether you think that's good, bad, or simply status quo. So I do find it distressing I can't find anything to earn at least what I got teaching. But on the other hand, a musician pretty much has to rely on himself and only has himself to blame if things don't improve. Which is why that tv gig was such a big deal for me...I want to get more licensing gigs!

I did get the drop on a school band directing that just opened up but had to turn it down on principle. They already have a guy they're comitted to, and I have a big problem with stealing jobs. So if I can get my teaching license back up to date and maybe do some volunteer work at that school in the meantime, I might be back on top in the next year or two. The negative is I've gotten back into writing and recording music almost full time and I've had extra time to spend with my kids. That will all be gone if I go back to teaching school, so it's really a tough decision for me right now. Being impoverished has fully demonstrated that some things are just more important than money.

LOL!

CRUNCHYTITS

I totally agree with you. Since getting treatment it has only been once in a blue moon that I have been "horny." [ thank god for those rare blue moons] The longest Bobby and I have gone without making love is the first month after he was diagnosed with congestive heart failure [ even right now, while living apart, we still "do it."]

I have to use products and only certain positions, and I can always give oral and do it in a way that not only makes his body happy but makes him feel desirable and cherished to his core. I believe if you are only going to give when you are in the mood, then you should encourage your mate to spend time with others. It is not fair to make a commitment to another, which has sex involved,and expect that person to honor the commitment when their mate [unless there are true impossibilities] denies sex on a regular basis.

@Boo, lol, no, no presidential candidates. (Seriously, I cannot even. America isn't ready for me as First Lady.) I've met a lot of presidential candidates, though, and worked for legislators. And spent my 21st birthday being fêted w/champagne by a prof and a finance minister at some London club. It was delightful, but not as nice as the surprise birthday party my flatmate arranged with his friends at a North Indian restaurant, completely delicious food there. Biochemist and nice fellow, also a handy bike mechanic. Wish I knew where he was these days.

Local Dem party machine types tried to stand me for office several years ago but I said no, wrong number, sorry. I'm not what's wanted for elected office.

And I wouldn't say the men were of every type possible. All quite bright and nerdy, mostly artists and academics, with a weirdo thrown in here/there.

You sound too glamorously irresistible to be a First Lady, the men would line up to vote you instead to be the first Lady President of the US.

Yes, that's what I've been going for all along, irresistible glamor. I'll cede the honor to Hillary, who may actually have a shot at it if the GOP runs Chris Christie. I can't even remember who else they've got -- oh, that fratboy Rand, we do like our fratboys here. No one else stands out.

^ Omg, you do laugh after all.

Asking when a woman owes sex is a loaded question, since it makes us automatically liken it to owing money. It conjures to mind images of demanding that the sex debt be settled, or of rape (akin to seizing assets in response to an unpaid debt).

I most certainly don't see sex this way. Nor do I think a person should do it if they know they won't take any pleasure in it. However like many things, sex and intimacy are well understood to be a common basic needs in a relationship, just as it's a given that you do not go out and have sex with someone else. In a marriage or relationship where you have decided to have children together, it is pretty unreasonable to deny a basic need for a prolonged period of time and refuse to even try to work on the issue.

It's easy to get complacent in long term relationship, and take your partner for granted. Not making a sincere effort might be easy in so many aspects. Perhaps it's simpler to avoid communicating with your partner, and read the paper instead, because you're tired from your day and don't feel like talking. Maybe even for months or years on end. Would they then be justified in thinking this a little unfair on them?

Other basic needs might include being noticed and appreciated, kisses hello and goodbye, being asked how your day was, physical affection, honesty, gifts at special occasions, your partner letting you know where they're going and when they'll be back etc. There might be reasons why your partner might not feel like doing any one of these things, or might find them very difficult (tiredness, depression, distracted by other things etc). But under normal circumstances they should at least make a decent effort. To keep a relationship healthy beyond a couple of years does tend to take effort. A partner who just does or doesn't do whatever they feel like in a given moment, and does not take the extra step is not a very good partner.

When it comes to sex, the most important aspect is the bond it creates. While I'm not very into the idea of just loaning your body to your partner because they're feeling horney, I do think that if your partner really wants it, it's important to try to make yourself physically and emotionally available for an experience that will be mutually pleasurable. Try a little cuddling and kissing and see if it can lead anywhere for example. If this isn't working out and it's been like that for a long time, the decent thing to do would be to try to identify and address any issues getting in the way. Eventually even seeking professional help might be a good idea.

I'm basically saying that one ought to make an effort in a marriage, with sex just as with any other basic need, and not just take the attitude that it's your partner's problem. If you've made a sincere effort and it's still not working, then I do not think anyone should force themselves despite disliking the experience. This would be unhealthy for the relationship, and probably only lead to resentment.

XFilesGeek, after reading this thread, is infinitely grateful it is asexual......

If I understand correctly, this doesn't mean that rape in marriage is not a crime. It means that there is no explicit provision that marital rape is a crime; but there is no exception either that would say it's not crime. According to Wikipedia it's a crime in all of Europe.

Btw marital rape not being a crime is not necessarily gender unequality, at least in theory. In the laws of some religions, including Judaism and Christianity, both spouses owe sex to each other. (I don't give any importance to religious law, I just cited it as a curiosity.)

Yeah it is rather confusing. Norway is listed as one of the countries as where marital rape is illegal on Wiki and also they have removed exemptions for husbands from rape legislation. And I highly doubt that their marital laws actually state that married couples are entitled to sex from their spouses in Norway.

That poor guy. He looks totally fine, but his tourette's defines every aspect of his life. I can't imagine how much that must suck.

This is pretty much how things are with my guyfriend. On both sides. I don't like the term "withholding" either as it implies that you are keeping something from someone it belongs to. But I get what you're saying - in a committed relationship there is an implied agreement to look after each other sexually.

It would have been more honest if you had added some historical context: Up until the postwar period, children were the only Social Security (pension system) that most people in the developed world had. Most men worked too many hours to have much time for recreational sex. Even my grandfather - a wealthy person in one of the world's wealthiest countries - left for work before sunrise, came home for dinner, and then went back to work until late at night. He did that six days a week, and had to go to work briefly on Sundays, too. He didn't have time for much sex.

When the circomstances changed, so did the laws (as you acknowledge).

The idea that the developed world was swarming with privileged men who used their wives as recreational sex slaves is convenient for some politicians, but historically dishonest.

Furthermore, sex (and childbearing) were as necessary then as a five-day work week is today. Most women that I meet still see unnecessary work as my duty. That's a real sense of entitlement. I could be working three days a week or less and living much better.

Amen to that. So you will surely understand when we ask you to pay for your own excessive health care consuption with appropriately higher premiums.

@Angelrho - That sounds wonderful, sounds like you have a great marriage. And I think that thing you say about being friends is right on. (Though I'm not sure what you mean by losing the kids.)

It really is a tough row as a musician -- which is all the more reason to be on top of how the money works, for sure. It's long seemed to me that there are two kinds of middle-aged artists: those with trust funds/wealthy spouses, and those who take care of the money. Because the ones who aren't rich and are dreamy about finances just don't survive till middle age as artists, can't afford to. That's part of why I'm so firm about my own money/property.