Why is "Ghosting" Socially Acceptable?

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I would like to point out that it's not just females who do this. It's guys, too.

And do you know what we say to our girlfriends who get faded on "I guess he just wasn't that into you."

It is rude - after 5 or 6 dates definitely - even after 2, certainly after sex. But it happens. All.the.time.

Whoa, my thread on ghosting actually brought forth a ghost . I haven't seen you post in quite some time!

I have been dead for 4 years; beheaded by some terrorists.

Why else do you think my head is in a jar?

it isn't

He's been posting here the whole time! You're just now seeing it? Where have YOU been?

On the "Recent posts" in his profile it shows that he hasn't been posting since February.

Well, when people consistently fail to get human needs met, anger is a pretty natural response. I'm not talking survival needs, I'm talking the needs humans have that seem to separate us from the other animals (EX: affection, acceptance, recognition, etc.). Aspies in general are at a high risk of not getting these sorts of needs met, which in turn leads to profound emotional pain, which often manifests itself in anger. I'm not saying it's right, and frankly some of the things I've seen in this particular thread are a bit horrifying, but it's astounding to me that anyone would be surprised to see anger in an autistic spectrum thread. I thought it was common knowledge that many aspies suffer rage issues?

yes, that is plain, I am not dense about it- this said, this place is supposed to be a refuge from the outside world, and one can hardly be a refuge is one is supplying just as much anger as the outside world. this is a place to vent for sure, but there comes a time when one must embrace the aspie personhood and release the angry thoughts, let them dissipate so as to allow for a more welcoming environment for new aspies who have just discovered this place. the way it is now we may be scaring away as many as we are welcoming. just saying.

[fnord]lol?he doesn't see the fnords[/fnord]

Ghosting is terrible! I have had it done to me more than once and it isn't fun. It makes you go crazy wondering if you did or said something wrong.

Yeah, ghosting makes you feel terrible but some people feel they're entitled to make other people feel that way. Some people also can't tell the difference between wanting to know what went wrong and asking/demanding to resume the relationship.

Also, some people can't tell the difference between their ex asking or demanding something. In other words, they think just because someone wants something that means they're demanding it. Maybe this is because demanding people assume everyone else is as demanding as they are (most people try read other people's thoughts and actions based on what they would do in the same situation).

Anyone who says "you're not entitled to that" when you request something must think you think that way because they have a lot of entitlements of their own.

For me ... not so much. When I "ghost" someone (i.e., a bully) for the way they've treated me (e.g., badly), I really don't care what they feel.

I just want them out of my life.

[opinion=mine]

So, if bullies feel bad because I'm determined to no longer take any of their abuse, then that is their problem, and not mine.

[/opinion]

Nothing angers people more than to get ignored right out of existence (48 Laws of Power). Extinction theory, that is, you eliminate bad attention-getting behavior by ignoring it, was a cornerstone of Madeline Hunter's classroom management strategy (Instructional Theory into Practice).

In short, fading someone is a guaranteed effective break-up strategy. The question is it safely applicable in every situation? No. If I ignored EVERY problem I ever had in the classroom, I wouldn't have lasted the 5 years I did, and there might have been some dead teachers/students besides. Is it always ethically right and proper? No. Someone who has been led to believe he or she has every confidence in the relationship deserves to know, if nothing else, that they are being dumped.

If you are having issues with bullies, or going back to "formally" break up with someone is potentially life-threatening, I think everyone understands why you go silent. Nobody will give you a hard time for that.

Heck, I've even gone so far as to explicitly TELL someone on WP I would no longer respond to his posts. It was a case of one or both of us being unreasonable, and no matter what I said the response always fell back on a deconstructivist view that invalidated his own position as much as it did my own. It was the lack of maturity that finally got me?I don't argue with children?EVER. Act like a grownup, we'll converse like grownup. Act like a child, I'll ignore you like a child. There's no reason to imagine romantic relationships don't operate the same way.

All I can say is if you're breaking up with someone, AT LEAST have the decency to say so. Ignoring someone out of existence (fading) might be effective, but depending on who you're fading you might be setting yourself up for more risk of physical/mental harm than you would just shooting straight. If you tell someone outright the relationship is over, you no longer have any obligation to that person and you can put them out-of-sight-out-of-mind if you want. If they still come after you, you can call the cops. It doesn't cost you a thing to call/text two words: "It's OVER."

I disagree. I say they're too selfish to make a disclosure.

Ghosting is NOT socially accepted. It's just something that's done. It's rude and SO selfish.
I mean that in relation to dating. I feel it's socially acceptable to ghost a ghoul of a person - a person who has abused you in any way - I'm all for that!!

I don't know.. but I'd guess that it's evolved from internet dating/chat.

I haven't done it or had it done to me after an in person date that was expected to lead to more.

I've done it & had it done to me after in person one time meetings with no expectations of a second meeting.

I've also done it & had it done to me with online chat/email. This happens extremely frequently both ways. It seems to be the internet-socially-acceptable norm.. chat/email, exchange pics, and if one party or the other isn't interested for any reason then there just isn't any response at all and there you have your answer - or have given your answer via not responding. Sometimes I am overly polite and respond and let them know that they're not my type and I'm not interested and wish them luck finding someone, but not always.

Most of the time I don't mind it happening to me because I know it happens to everyone and there are TONS of other potential dates out there. But once in a while when I'm actually truly interested in meeting someone this type of ghostly rejection is a little bit hurtful right in the feels lol but I get over it pretty quickly and move on because it is what it is and I have no choice but to accept the situation and roll with it. Obviously I'm not right for that person, so it never would have worked out anyways. I just have to remind myself of things like that and think "meh, ah well.. next! " and click around the internet for someone else to chat with. Thankfully there are a LOT of others online chatting people up so it isn't difficult in the least bit to find someone else or two or ten to chat with and see if we have anything in common. And now that I've nearly exhausted most of the people I'm interested in on a couple of sites, I tend to put less time into reading/communicating with anyone there and have just added two different dating sites to the mix to see who's online on them? and while they're still local, different sites have different people seeking different things so it's an entirely new fresh mix of faces to chat with and it's likely going to take a long time to exhaust the current possible matches on them. In a perfect world I'd get to go on a date night with each and every one of them, but I know that's not likely.. but still, I can foresee many more in person actual dates coming my way by broadening my online horizons.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I think a big reason for this becoming the norm is that many dating sites limit the number of messages you can send or read per day on their free accounts so people don't want to waste a single message chatting with someone they have no interest in meeting? so they just ghost and the other person gets the point sooner or later.