Autistic boyfriend over friendly with other girls

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I have to look up altruistic.

Of course there are workarounds. It's being able to share those things with a partner. I should have included intimacy on the list.

If you're defining "needs" as necessary to survival, I shall change the term to "desires".

My point.

I suppose it is nice to get hugs once in a while, and I almost expect that. Other than that, the rest of the intimacy stuff does not interest me.

Also, I don't think it is necessary to get all of those "desires" of yours from a single partner. Works just as well to pick them a little here and there, and skip a few you don't want.

I'm not sure this always is the starting point.
Since another major factor here is that monogamy is, typically, a default assumption within society. One which is rarely even recognised, let along questioned, by the majority of people.
I wonder if the OP ever discussed with her BF if he was looking for monogamy or not.

My ex-wife couldn't get her expectations straight. If I was friendly and hospitable to her female friends, she accused me of being flirtatious. Yet, when I was merely civil and polite to her female friends, she accuse me of being hostile. There seemed to be a very narrow range of behavior between "too friendly" and "not friendly enough" that she would deem acceptable (she was a huge control freak); and this narrow range would shift greatly and randomly, depending on her mood at the moment and the relative attractiveness of each female friend.

But she would dance with, flirt with, and spend hours talking on the phone with her male friends; because, according to her, they were just friends (obvious hypocrite was obvious; she preached virtue while practicing vice).

Now she's someone else's embarrassment. I almost feel sorry for him.

Last edited by Fnord on 13 Aug 2015, 8:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yes at the beginning we did discuss however briefly that we wanted to be a couple and not with anyone else.

It wasn't talked about in depth though, as i am one of these people that just assume monogamy in a serious relationship.

When I have brought up the other girls he tells me he doesn't want to be in a relationship with them. But he is clearly getting something from the chats otherwise he would stop when I've asked because it hurts me. The problem is he says he's doing nothing wrong...do I believe that he actually doesn't see how it's hurtful or is he just saying it???? It's not easy to talk to him about it either, no matter how delicate or non accusatory I am he gets very defensive and shuts off!

But that is the assumption of polyamory people too. They do not bond with multiple people at the same time.



It probably comes natural to him, so he haven't thought much about it. I know it does to me, and wife never complained (or maybe she didn't even notice, I don't know). OTOH, I didn't chat with girls, only flirted non-verbally.

If I was you I would put some reasonable limits to his behavior. For instance, I think it should be ok if he flirts, but I don't think it is ok to chat a lot or hang-out a lot with girls other than on a friends-only basis. That's how it worked for me the first years of my marriage. He should be able to cope with that.

So ... it is not so much that he talks to other women, but that he enjoys talking to other women. Well, who wouldn't? If all you want to talk about with him are your hurt feelings and his bad behavior, then it only makes sense that he would want to have a pleasant conversation with someone else.

Would you rather that he was anti-social? Would you prefer that he not talk to anyone out of fear for hurting your feelings? Do you want him to snarl at every woman except you?

Why not instead try to joining him in activities that he finds pleasant? Have you tried his hobbies? Do you know what they are? Or are they "too boring" for you to show any interest at all?

You clearly haven't read the original post or you would know what actually bothers me. It's not the other women that are his friends that he talks to but the new relationships he begins with women he isn't friends with.

We enjoy a lot of the same thing and like I said originally have a fantastic time when we are together.

Why don't you try reading everything before coming out with snide remarks

Thanks this is something for me to consider. I'm finding some of you guys responses really helpful.
It's nice to be able to see things from the other side, without having to ask the BF, as he doesn't do the "feelings" talking to well

Hi Kellie,
Welcome to WrongPlanet!
Threads often ramble off topic here.

I was in a relationship with a guy with a poly attitude. I'm not talking about sex, but rather chattyness. He has rewarding relationships with everyone he meets. Eventually he met someone he'd rather be in a relationship with. I'm not chatty and prefer a close couple relationship with a partner.

There has been no indication that this is the case. Perhaps you should start a thread about this experience as it seems to be yours.

Kelie, "Love and Dating" is the cesspit of WP. You're unlikely to get much useful or insightful advice here.

Oh, but I have read the original post. It's just that you seem to be hinting at other issues in that roundabout way that NTs seem to use when they don't want to be blunt with the truth.

So you don't want him to have new friends. Why?

Personalize much?

And maybe he's like me. I feel much more comfortable with women than I do other men.My late wife would sometimes get mad at me ( she was a bit possessive) but I would never dream of cheating on her.