My girlfriend told me I am greedy and selfish, am I?

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Give it TIME.
You don't have to break up with her, just DON'T TALK MARRIAGE.

Being afraid of "losing" another person is a very bad motivation for behavior. Just like she should not "pretend" (I am not saying she is being fake, just can't think of another word) to be better with money to avoid losing you, you should also not put up with her money problems because you are afraid of losing her and not finding another person.

It would be better to be alone (and *never* married) than to be trapped in a bad marriage or go through a nasty divorce. I think just about every married person would agree with me on this.

You need to have a line that you will not go beyond. You can't say "I will do *anything* to avoid losing you!" because that can lead to a tremendous amount of self-sacrifice to the point of completely losing one's self. That then can lead to a tremendous amount of hurt and resentment as the years go by and even possibly the inability to return to one's self.

I took an interpersonal communication class in college that was *extremely* helpful. Healthy relationships are "H" shaped, not "A" shaped. In an "A" shape, the two are leaning on each other and if one falls, the other falls. In "H" shaped relationships, each person stands on their own and meet in the middle. There's one other shape that is not healthy (can't remember the letter) where one person is leaning on the other.

It might be helpful to look at some books on relationships or get some counseling yourself just so you can be confident about what you want.

Again, you don't have to break up with her, but IMO, you should not be discussing marriage just yet. Since you have told us all that you have, you yourself are not sure that she is the one, and that makes you not ready to make a promise like that.

If you decide to become her provider and take on her debts as your own it will fix the problem. It's the deal most married men make, and as long as you make it with your eyes open it might work out fine for you, if you can get past the idea of "fairness".

In a few cases, one can argue that this enabled the couple to achieve more material possessions, as the bread winner had more pressure to work harder. Ideally, the couple would work as a team. My wife pointed out that my dress was somewhat inappropriate for someone of my age and status, so we worked on fixing that. She started the project and I finished it.

It is wishful thinking to believe that this issue will just go away. Unless you two come up with an agreement or understanding on this issue it will come up time and time again.

Okay thanks. I don't have to break up with her now. Like one of you said, it hasn't been a problem for a while and it's gotten better. I payed for her dental problem to be nice, and giving and I felt good about it, since there have been no money issues with us for a while now.

If we discuss marriage later on in the future, do you think I should still ask her to sign a pre-nup though, since I have a lot of money and all, which I want to invest in a house and business?

More than likely she will want the house in both your names if you buy it after you get married.

I had the talk with her and she said that it's okay for me to have the house in my name, as long as I don't ask for a pre-nup. But is it possible to do that without a one?

I had the talk with her and she said that it's okay for me to have the house in my name, as long as I don't ask for a pre-nup. But is it possible to do that without a one?

Sorry it posted twice, did not mean to do that.

http://www.megadox.com/blog/contracts/i ... nforceable
http://www.familyandestatelaw.ca/Articl ... ated.shtml
It would be wise to consult an actual divorce attorney who practices where you live.

Even if you get the house in your name, when you divorce the judge may grant her half of all the property you acquire during your marriage. Unless you keep a huge amount of cash on hand, you will end up having to sell your house to have enough liquidity to pay her share of the divorce settlement. Take the above poster's advice about consulting a lawyer who handles divorces in your area before you commit to anything.

Okay thanks. Well one thing I do not understand about her, is that she says she cannot quit her job, because she has to support her dad, who is in poor health, and she has to keep his business alive.

But why can't she just get a better paying job to support him? Does she really need to keep his business alive? She has refused better jobs, because of this.

She also does not have hardly any money saved and she uses what money she has to buy me gifts, as her appreciation to me helping her out. She should be saving for things that are more important, like chipping in for a house if she is to get married or move in with me, or saving up for a car or something, etc.

I keep telling her to save up for her driver's licence, but she has to keep putting it towards her dad and his health, she says.

Is it wrong of me to think that maybe she needs to be more financially ready for marriage as well? She says that her parents got married when they were poor and it worked out. Mine did too, so maybe I am too much about money in that sense?

Some people who are poor never learn to save--they never had any extra money to save, so how could they learn?

I know someone who is married that doesn't need to save--he gives it all to his wife, who gives him an allowance that he can spend any way he wants. It is quite likely, based on their jobs, that he makes more than his wife.

Your girlfriend is a gold-digger. DO NOT MARRY HER!
A REAL girlfriend would find it MUCH more romantic for you to go to the trouble of cooking her dinner VS being taken out for dinner.

She seems to think that love can be bought with an American Express card. YOUR american express card. You are not the greedy and selfish person in this situation. She is. This is the kind of woman who will take everything in your divorce and then she will come to the cardboard box you end up in on skid row and try to steal your cardboard box.

Okay thanks. Well aside from not having any disagreements about money with her for a while though, when we did talk about the pre-nup she said she will not sign one, and that the reason why is that me asking her to sign one shows that I have no faith in marrying her, cause I am just thinking about divorce by asking her. She said there would be no point in marrying cause if I feel that way about her, cause I am not about love.

What do you think? Do you think that's true in a way, when asking for a pre-nup?

It could be but then the opposite could be too. If she had faith in the marriage then the prenup would never be used as divorce wouldn't happen. So one could say by refusing to sign she thinks the marriage might fail or there would be nothing to fear. Though I can see how a prenup would be a slap in the face to a normal girl who doesn't care about money, but she's shown bad signs about using for money that would seem show what she may do in a divorce.

Think like others you should shelf the marriage idea and just be with her. You don't have to marry by set time, you could date for a year or 5 years, some people never marry by stay together for life. Wedding is going be expensive and judging by her family and her it'll likely be big and very showy which equals super expensive, which you and your family are expected to pay for it all.

Um, if you never marry but stay together for life, she is still going to be a gold digger if that is what she is. She may not legally own all your assets or be able to fight for her share in event of a divorce...but if i were you i would probably not put the option of a long term dating relationship on the table in lieu of marriage. Many of the same problems are going to be present in either setting. A long term dating relationship just avoids an expensive wedding and divorce. If she is after your $$, she will find a way to get it out of you one way or the other.

Also, traditionally where i come from, the woman's family is responsible for the wedding. You don't have to foot the bill and shouldn't have to. We didn't have much $$ when hubby and i got married, and we had a simple but nice wedding. If she expects you to fork over thousands of $$ for the wedding so she can have what she feels she "deserves" then i would turn and run.

This whole thread gives me hives. i don't like any of what you are writing about her. Sounds like the underlying issues calm down for a while but then resurface. Even if it is painful to break it off, i think there are too many red flags here to sustain a successful long-term anything, whether it be dating or marriage.

Just my 2 cents again... but of course you have to make your own decision. Best of luck whatever you decide.

Bro, can you seriously not see that your GF is a gold digging psycho? Are you that blinded by love? She's using you, dude.