Friendzone

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You are too funny. "Oh if she won't be my princess maybe one of her friends will ..." There are no princesses, there are no guaranteed wives or husbands, and no one is entitled to sex or a relationship. It's not 'cause you're a guy, it's cause that's the way things are ... for everyone.

To me, the most worrisome part, and one of the reasons I can't see myself ever asking anyone out, is that it requires unworthy suitors to know in advance they are unworthy and stay away if they don't want to cross women.



How is that a counterexample of anything? If you really are hard to get, you don't need to pretend to be, because, well, you are. It's not an act, but the truth.

Yes but if you figure out how to girl really likes you than she'll be happy you asked her out.

Where the did I say that I expect privacy? I just told OP that I was talking with Hopper and I was not referring to him. He sounded like I was talking about him, which I wasn't. OP even apologized for the misunderstanding, so what are you talking about?

I didn't tell anything to BaneBear! How many times do I have to repeat it? I was discussing with Hopper.


I was not supporting anything but discussing something with Hopper, and I meant that the guys who face 0 success at dating are a little %, which they are. Most people can get dates and relationships, those who can't get any of them are not so many.

He apologized because he misunderstood me and he thought I was referring to him. Also he apologized because he is mature enough to see that he wrote some unfair things while he was having a bad moment. Did you read the posts you are talking about?

I was not talking about BaneBear and I didn't say anything about him.

I am not sure if you are still referring to me here because I didn't say anything about him specifically, but if someone whined at him after he apologized it's probably because they didn't read the whole thread.

Last edited by Peacesells on 19 Jan 2016, 6:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Some of that was referring to you specifically, some of it was referring to posters in general.

The parts were I use pronounce such as "you guys" were addressed to posters in general, not specifically to you.

Yeah it is nothing surprising.

I find the topic annoying and useless too, but I suspected you were hinting at it.

Yeah. I also see some women who act like martyrs at times, but anyway it is a different topic and it doesn't belong in this thread.

I guess that it depends on what you experience on it. I never got an unsolicited message and to get a single response I have to write like 20-30 messages and they let the conversation die shortly after anyway. That's why I think that these places are horrible and maybe that's where he got this idea, but hey I can't know for sure.

Preferences are fine but it's a bit hypocritical to say say that men should grow a pair and ask girls out and then complain when they do.

Because first off a friend wouldn't say that you are not "good enough", certainly not after telling you that you are a great guy. A good friend could perceive a mismatch but he wouldn't use such mean words, and perhaps if he really is a friend and enjoys your company he wouldn't even think it.

Out of curiosity, I was trying to work out what figures/categories you'd need to try and make a comparison. I gave up. I don't think they're easily comparable, and each comes with its own problems.



Oh, I think what I was talking about is relevant, but I'm happy to drop the matter.




I wrote up my experience somewhere around here. I think overall I had slightly more unanswered messages than messages I didn't answer, but I had more women contact me than I contacted.

I was - am - very particular/exacting in what I look for. I understand I am 'picky', and I also understand I have a limited appeal. I approached on that basis/understanding, and found it okay. The most frustrating/disheartening thing was going through profile after profile of women and thinking, 'no. No. No. No. No. May-, ah, no'. But it also drove home that though, on the one hand, it very obviously is personal, on the other there's a real sense in which it's actually nothing personal.




Who does that? Are we sure it's not one woman saying 'just ask her out, for Christ's sake! At least you'll know' and another saying they'd wish men would stop approaching them? Plus, it depends on the circumstances and content of a given 'approach'.

That said, I think it's legit for a woman to encourage a man to ask another woman out, and also to not be happy that, say, men approach her with 'hey hon wanna f**k?'.

Who gives money to their friends regularly? I've never done that and don't really know anybody who does. I spent six years as a broke student, my friends (particularly after I went to grad school and they got proper jobs) were happy to do cheap/free stuff with me. Giving folks $ is not a requirement for having friends.

To the poster who said their friends wouldn't set them up because "they're not good enough for their friends":

1. Is that EXACTLY what your friends said when they declined to set you up? Or was it more along the lines of not knowing anybody they think you'd click with?

Fwiw, I always hated it when my friends set me up on blind dates with dudes I had nothing in common with except being single and similar in age.

2. If your friends said you weren't good enough to be set up and meant it, wowza, they're not your friends + should go find new ones.

Excuse me, but it's a well known meme, meant to illustrate a point:
That point being that too many men are buying into this idea of a 'friendzone' which they then get to piss and moan about whenever a girl they like doesn't return their affections. Sex really wasn't the point of the message, rather, it symbolizes the divide between a platonic friendship and an intimate relationship. I apologize if that went over your head.

I am flattered that you fancy yourself as being so much older than me, but next time don't be so condescending about it.

I never said I'm much older than you. I just said you might when you grow up.

That has nothing to do do your age and everything to do with your maturity level and understanding of the world.

There can be people of [i]any[/] age who need to grow up.

If you think sex wasn't t point of that meme then you didn't really understand it.

No one is entitled to a relationship; you have to earn one, just like you would earn any other privilege.

@Retro, You might want to cool it on the obvious personal attacks. She never even said that "all" men just want sex to begin with.

The friendzone is absurd. If someone isn't interested than let it go. Learn to not get so easily attached.

I never said she said that.

Close enough

You're right, a relationship is a privilege, not a right. So is being given $500.

Let's say I'm in a room of 100 people, and it is proclaimed that we will all meet in this room once per day for the duration of a year, and 10 people will be selected every day to receive $500.

The first day goes by, and I don't receive the money, but I'm not fazed because I know that there will be plenty of other days preceding it, and everyone except 10 people are in the same position as me.

A week goes by. I still have not been chosen yet, but at least 29 people are in the same boat as me. Besides, there's still plenty of time for me to receive $500.

Fast forward a month. Some people have managed to accumulate $5000 or more, whilst myself and 4 or 5 others are still on a $0 balance. At this point, I start to wonder why others have had the opportunity to receive money 10+ times and I still haven't managed to be in the select group of 10 even once. Is there a reason that others have managed to receive 10 times what I have never received at all? Am I just having really bad luck? Is there something fundamentally wrong with me? Surely I'll receive the money prize at some stage, so I'll stick it out.

3 months in and I am one of three people with a balance of $0. I'm starting to not want to show up to these meetings because I feel it's almost a certainty that I won't get picked. I feel as though all I'll see is people flaunting their money and being happy whilst I feel as though I don't have a shot at winning. I don't really understand why others can win and I can't, but it's painful all the same.

6 months in and I am the ONLY person who has not won once. Other people have managed to accumulate tens of thousands of dollars. Most have managed to accumulate thousands. But me? I'm still sitting on the same $0 I've had from day one. When I tell people I haven't won even once, they turn to me with a surprised look on their face and exclaim "Really!?!" Some assure me that I will win my first $500 eventually but my hope is fading fast.

I don't know what I can do to increase my likelihood of winning. Heck, I don't even know if it's possible for me to win at this stage. Not having won any money is having me question my worth as a contestant? Am I destined to never ever win, no matter what I do? I don't even think it's worth attending this now, because I know I'm probably never going to win, and turning up and not winning is going to give me emotional anguish that I could avoid by not showing up. But if I don't show up, I have no chance of winning. I am trapped.

---

Now before anybody bashes me for this metaphor, yes, receiving money and getting into a relationship are different for a wide variety of reasons. The metaphor simply serves to show how being singled out can really destroy someone's self-esteem if it continually happens over a period of time.

Nobody's entitled to a relationship, but if you're continually watching people get into relationships, whilst you yourself are constantly trying and failing at getting relationship, you're going to start to wonder why other people can achieve what you can't. You're going to feel unworthy.

At this point, after my experience with this, I would find it hard to believe any woman who claimed she was attracted to me, and I would assume she must have an ulterior motive of some description.

Now should I take it out on the female population because I can't attract girls? Of course not! That's like a comedian blaming his audience for not laughing at his sh1tty jokes. But that doesn't make it any less painful for me to feel like no girl I'm interested in could ever be attracted to me.

So how do I recover from this? Quite frankly, that's a very good question. At present, I'm trying to improve myself in order to become the best version of myself that I can. Of course I have my doubts about this method working. but I really don't see any other way to approach my issues.

Blah blah blah.