Is it unfair of me to ask my gf for a prenup in this case?

Post Reply New Topic

I don't really care what the OP does at this point. Get married without a prenup if that's what'll make you both happy, #YOLO

No time for couple counselling because you have to get married? And you said she's 39? OMG, I thought she's 21.

Seriously, this is not going to work.

I don't think you were unreasonable in asking for a prenup.

Prenup addresses that law as it stands, if the law did the opposite you would need an active agreement to achieve the current default.

If you are talking about romance, then legal marriage is very unromantic and overrated.

I can agree that it may not seem very romantic. But certain unromantic things are incredibly important for personal safety, such as wearing a condom or getting tested for STDs:

Two people who love each other very much and want to have a child might decide not to use condoms, but when one person wants to use a condom the other person needs to respect that. Two people who are considering sex for the first time might consider an STD test to be really unromantic, but when one person wants the other to prove they are clean the other person needs to respect that. Two people who are considering marriage might see a Prenuptial Agreement as unromantic, but getting one is an intelligent and responsible decision and the other person needs to respect that.

It is alright for an individual to say "I am fine with unprotected marriage." It is NOT alright to attempt to convince your partner to have unprotected marriage if they do not want to.

I think the key is that people get into relationships to easily without knowing their partner well enough. If people did a better job getting to know them, they wouldn't need all this strangeness.

Also the simple issue that people change over the years. They become more mature, develop different priorities, and learn more about themselves. You never know who you are going to be in 10 years.

'Starter Marriages' are definitely a thing.

Wearing a condom or getting tested for STDs isn't the same as bringing the government into your financial decisions as a couple.

If a couple wants to do that then they both certainly have to agree with that method of insuring their marriage, but a person cannot force someone to agree to a prenup...and nothing wrong with one party disagreeing with the it.

There is a high risk of getting pregnant without a condom, its not necessarily a high risk you'll get divorced and screwed over depending on the relationship. Also I imagine there are ways to protect yourself financially after marriage, should unforeseen issues in the relationship occur.

We will have to agree to disagree.
You are correct. A person cannot force another to agree to a prenuptial agreement any more than they can force someone else to wear a condom or get tested for an STD. Two consenting adults certainly can make the choice not to do any of those things for a variety of reasons (especially religious). But choosing not to do those things is irresponsible and potentially life altering.
I have a very low chance of getting into a car wreck, but I still buy car insurance. I have a very low chance of having a major medical illness, but I still have medical coverage. I have a very low chance of my house burning down, but I still have home owners insurance. The statistical chance is sufficiently high enough that it is worth protecting yourself if you have anything worth protecting.

You posted before OP about how you weren't sure about marrying her because she was quilting you into paying for her stuff. I think you need to get her to sign the prenup to protect your assets because it's possible you'll get divorced because of the way you have separate spending habits & you may get tired of her manipulating you into spending all your money on stuff she wants.

Well to respond to the notion that it's unromantic to get the government involved, the government is already involved in marriages with our without prenups. If a divorce were to hypothetically happen years down the road, the government would still get involved in it.

With a prenup, a couple can get the government on their sides more. In fact, a government interferes less with a prenup, cause the couple makes the rules. If you do not get one, the government makes the rules. So either way the government is involved, prenup or not, and you might as well have more control of things, just in case, no?

But the reason she will not sign one she says, is because it makes her feel like a business whore, as she put it and said that I shouldn't have any back up plans in case of a divorce cause divorce is a sin.

Nearly half of all marriages end in divorce and pretty much everybody gets married thinking they'll be together forever and ever. So getting a prenup can be a very sensible thing to do.

I 100% agree with the poster who said that that if you want a prenup, it's probably a good idea to marry a person who is comfy signing a prenup. If you want one and your fiancé/e doesn't, maybe you're not a good match.

What a great example!

It boils down to this: you want a prenup. She doesn't want prenup.

It's unfortunate that the survival of your perspective marriage is hinging on this.

I would feel like crap. I wish it wasn't this way with you, and that she would approve of the prenup.

I'm not a prenup sort of person--but I understand why they exist, and I'm not against them in a legal sense.

I understand people take advantage of other people. I understand people want to prevent themselves from being the victim of people who take advantage of them.

Obviously, many marriages are not romantic panaceas. Obviously, many marriages are business arrangements around the world

What I stated is my opinion of prenups, from a purely personal standpoint. They don't make me feel good. It's a thought based upon a highly-subjective premise.

I just wish two people could trust each other enough not to NEED a prenuptial agreement.

It doesn't mean I would vilify somebody who believes in prenups.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 19 May 2016, 9:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It just seems like a weird thing to do, I can't say it's wrong but I think there has to be a little distrust for someone to want one of those. I guess I hang around people who value verbal promises made to each other and talking things through before bringing outsiders in. I don't think divorce is a sin but I think planning for it can create bad vibes and a prenup sort of seems to be a plan for divorce.

Well for me it has to do with a vow I made to myself before that I wasn't going to put myself such a high position to be taken advantage of again, after some bad experiences.

It's just a vow I had to make for myself out of self-respect.

But does that make me shallow or materialistic?