Married and asked out

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namaste
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13 Jul 2016, 10:59 am

Amity wrote:

Namaste you might be happier if you had more choices in life. Can you go back to college/study online and up-skill? Neither of your two current options seem to be offering what you want from life.

studying upskilling solves my intimacy and sexual issues
great advice

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The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Jul 2016, 11:10 am

namaste wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Failing to get an erection that was so expected from a woman can be a very humiliating and embarrassing experience, especially if the woman's reaction to this fail is mocking or complaining or anger.

It happened to me once, I couldn't get it up with this one particular girl (She was very in rush), and her reaction was effing, she was totally upset - and she was like not willing to try again - I couldn't look into her face again.

Second time it worked after she apologized and as slower about it.

so ur blaming the women

indirectly ur blaming me saying i a complain freak

No, just telling my experience in this.

Amity
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13 Jul 2016, 2:49 pm

namaste wrote:

Amity wrote:

Namaste you might be happier if you had more choices in life. Can you go back to college/study online and up-skill? Neither of your two current options seem to be offering what you want from life.

studying upskilling solves my intimacy and sexual issues
great advice

Meh, if the two options you have chosen were my only long term chances for intimacy I would stick with my husband or divorce him, but not cheat unless we could both agree to an open marriage.
What would happen to you if your husband found out that you had cheated? Would he be financially fair with you?

Chronos
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14 Jul 2016, 1:04 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

That's horrible that she acted in the way she did. I don't see how a woman could be upset with a man over something like that. If I were with a man with that problem, I wouldn't think poorly of him because of it, I would just wonder if maybe he wasn't really interested in me, or in wasn't really in the mood at the time.

Chronos
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14 Jul 2016, 1:20 am

namaste wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

so ur blaming the women

indirectly ur blaming me saying i a complain freak

I understand you feel like he was blaming you. I think it's unfortunate you took his recounting of how he felt when he was having sexual issues as blame against you though. I also understand that you have needs in your marriage that your husband is not meeting. I understand you are probably lonely and frustrated, and I think most people in your situation would be.

I do think your husband is likely depressed over his sexual dysfunction though, and he is probably embarrassed to talk to a doctor about it, or maybe does not feel like he is emotionally strong enough to give up cigarettes, if that's what is causing it.

Do you think that maybe your husband could just use some extra support and understanding to make him feel more secure in facing his problems?

namaste
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14 Jul 2016, 4:59 am

Quote:

So by not being intimate he is already not giving chance to marriage
The best he can do for me is give me financial freedom

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namaste
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14 Jul 2016, 5:06 am

Chronos wrote:

namaste wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I have my own issues

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Chronos
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14 Jul 2016, 5:10 am

namaste wrote:

Chronos wrote:

namaste wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I have my own issues

Yes, you do have issues. Does that mean you are incapable of providing emotional support and understanding for your spouse though?

I have a cat. When cats feel insecure, they pee on things. My cat peed on my bed a while back. Most people would become very upset at this, and act in an aggressive manner towards the cat, and the cat will feel more insecure, and urinate on more things. So instead of yelling at my cat or acting in a hostile manner towards him, I made an effort to spend time with him, and pet him, and speak to him in a sweet voice, which, in turn, made him feel more secure, and he has not peed on my bed since.

People can be like cats. They get depressed and withdraw because they are emotionally vulnerable, but with a little bit of understanding and emotional and moral support, they can recover. If you approach your husband with anger and frustration, that may be worsening the situation for you because he will likely withdraw more. If you approach the situation with love and compassion, he may feel more secure and be able to recover from his condition.

namaste
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14 Jul 2016, 6:41 am

Chronos wrote:

I have a cat. When cats feel insecure, they pee on things. My cat peed on my bed a while back. Most people would become very upset at this, and act in an aggressive manner towards the cat, and the cat will feel more insecure, and urinate on more things. So instead of yelling at my cat or acting in a hostile manner towards him, I made an effort to spend time with him, and pet him, and speak to him in a sweet voice, which, in turn, made him feel more secure, and he has not peed on my bed since.

People can be like cats. They get depressed and withdraw because they are emotionally vulnerable, but with a little bit of understanding and emotional and moral support, they can recover. If you approach your husband with anger and frustration, that may be worsening the situation for you because he will likely withdraw more. If you approach the situation with love and compassion, he may feel more secure and be able to recover from his condition.

he works in medical field

he should have common sense of not abusing nicotine

i have politely told him to refrain from it....now do u want me to pet him like a cat and say the samethings

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Chronos
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14 Jul 2016, 9:00 pm

namaste wrote:

Chronos wrote:

he works in medical field

he should have common sense of not abusing nicotine

i have politely told him to refrain from it....now do u want me to pet him like a cat and say the samethings

Depression and addiction are not about lack of knowledge or wisdom. They are about emotions.

If he would like you to pet him like a cat and speak nicely to him, sure. Maybe that will lift his spirits and yours.

That being said, perhaps you should take this issue to The haven, as it seems as if you did not actually want solutions, but to vent your emotions and perhaps receive some moral support.

namaste
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15 Jul 2016, 3:14 am

Chronos wrote:

NO.....he would not like me to pet him like a cat

thats for sure....he isnt working on this relationship

he is boozing, smoking, watching TV back to back and ignores me even during weekends

i am not going to invest on this relationship

will just drag on

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namaste
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15 Jul 2016, 3:14 am

Chronos wrote:

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wowiexist
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15 Jul 2016, 2:35 pm

Maybe a good porno movie would get you both in the mood.

Peacesells
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15 Jul 2016, 3:51 pm

wowiexist wrote:

Maybe a good porno movie would get you both in the mood.

Ahaha good suggestion sir, I take off my hat for you. But for obvious reasons, I won't shake your hand.

namaste
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15 Jul 2016, 9:50 pm

wowiexist wrote:

Maybe a good porno movie would get you both in the mood.

Im no longer in love with him

He needs to bring back the love by starting to talk first

Otherwise it would be all meaningless

About the other guy he just wants sex not ready to date, not ready to spend, weekends goes incommunicado taking family on outings

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Chronos
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15 Jul 2016, 10:49 pm

namaste wrote:

wowiexist wrote:

Maybe a good porno movie would get you both in the mood.

Out of curiosity, what, if anything, have you done to keep the love in the relationship?

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