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How to encourage proper communication

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0_equals_true
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04 Sep 2016, 1:49 pm

This is what I found by pure accident.

Communicate in multiple different ways. Text (chat style and letter writing), on the phone, in person (different contexts/activities).

I have found the communicating is different way can make it easier to open up becuase certain thing feel more natrual to say using a specific form of communication than others.

I don't think you can force people to open up, you can only build trust over time and show that you are not going to judge them unduly. The more comfortable the are, the more open they will be. Vice versa.



Britte
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04 Sep 2016, 2:22 pm

This is exactly how I have perceived things, after pondering what had been the outcome of some of my interactions with others.

Hopper wrote:
I find reading NTs pretty easy, though mostly at a distance - it's a lot harder to read them and respond to them. I think a lot of ND people make for what I think of as 'natural psychologists', as a countermeasure to lacking the intuitive grasp that what is said is not always, or all of, what is meant.

As to 'reading' NDs, I've not found it any easier than NTs in terms of 'intuition' or 'people skills'. At least half the time, what I've taken to be 'intuition' was actually just projection. As with NTs, I still need to analyse and theorise, or just plain ask for clarification.



DataB4
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04 Sep 2016, 3:08 pm

lidsmichelle wrote:
So I recently started dating a guy I really like and who knows me really well and we have a ton in common (including being asexual). One of those things is that we're both aspies. Communication is hard. I want this to be a long term relationship (this is the first time I've ever felt that a relationship I've had could be or that I actively wanted it to be) but successful long term relationships require good communication.

I'm better at it than he is. How to I encourage open, healthy communication now so it becomes a mainstay in our relationship? Any advice?


I like 0_=_True's suggestion. Are there situations or times when you find the communication easier or harder?



lidsmichelle
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04 Sep 2016, 3:11 pm

DataB4 wrote:
lidsmichelle wrote:
So I recently started dating a guy I really like and who knows me really well and we have a ton in common (including being asexual). One of those things is that we're both aspies. Communication is hard. I want this to be a long term relationship (this is the first time I've ever felt that a relationship I've had could be or that I actively wanted it to be) but successful long term relationships require good communication.

I'm better at it than he is. How to I encourage open, healthy communication now so it becomes a mainstay in our relationship? Any advice?


I like 0_=_True's suggestion. Are there situations or times when you find the communication easier or harder?

Face to face. I've always struggled opening up face to face. He does too. I've gotten better, but I still prefer discussing things like through text or chat.


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DataB4
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04 Sep 2016, 3:15 pm

Would a combination work? Like, taking time out of a tough conversation to write/text things? Would that change anything?



The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Sep 2016, 3:16 pm

What? Is this an online distance relationship?



lidsmichelle
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04 Sep 2016, 3:18 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
What? Is this an online distance relationship?

Nope. We see each other like twice a week normally. We went to high school together.


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Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor


The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Sep 2016, 3:20 pm

lidsmichelle wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
What? Is this an online distance relationship?

Nope. We see each other like twice a week normally. We went to high school together.


I say go for equal's advice.

and close this thread.



lidsmichelle
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04 Sep 2016, 5:20 pm

DataB4 wrote:
Would a combination work? Like, taking time out of a tough conversation to write/text things? Would that change anything?

That's actually a good idea.

And yeah I'd like this thread to be closed if a mod can do that.


_________________
Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor


rdos
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05 Sep 2016, 4:21 am

lidsmichelle wrote:
DataB4 wrote:
Would a combination work? Like, taking time out of a tough conversation to write/text things? Would that change anything?

That's actually a good idea.


I agree too. It was my impression that you wanted to do this face-to-face, which I thought would be a horrible idea. However, doing it online or with texting is a completely different thing that might very well work. In that context, I would have plenty of time to analyse things and formulate appropriate answers, something I would fail with in an IRL conversation.