How do some people get partners so easily?
Why is he with a girl like her? What did he do to get a girl that gorgeous. They both look to be about 20.
Now she's smiling, showing her perfect teeth and looking into his eyes.
Why him and not me? I know why. It's because I'm not as handsome as he is. It's because I'm not as fit as he is. It's because I'm not as charismatic as he is. It's because I'm not as young as he is. He's probably more educated than me. He doesn't have crooked teeth like me.
How can I blame them? It's not their fault. It's my fault. All my fault. I could have been s fit as him if only I'd exercised harder. I could have been more educated if only I'd studied harder. I could have been as young as them if only I'd started sooner. I could have started sooner if only I'd tried harder to to push through the social anxiety I had back then.
My fault. All my fault. I will never be a member of a perfect young couple like them. I may never be in. Young couple at all. Perhaps when I'm 40 I'll meet another 40 year old and we'll spend our few remaining decades together until senility takes us.
They're getting off the train now. I notice they get off in one of wealthiest suburbs in Adelaide. Very close to the beach. They're nearly home. As they walk down the platform he puts his arm around her narrow waist.
I mustn't say I want to be with a pretty blonde. Only a shallow chauvinist would say that. I mustn't say I want to be with a thin girl like her, only a misogynist troglodyte would say that. I mustn't say I'm more attracted to a 20 year old woman than a 40 year old woman, only a shallow prick would say that. I mustn't judge other people but I must accept their judgement of me.
instead of blowing off all that effort on the love and dating section of a neglected autism forum, you could have written something people will enjoy to read and that will benefit others as well as yourself.
i believe you have good descriptions of everyday happenings. has anyone ever told you about your skill at writing?
if only I'd exercised harder - what stopped you?
if only I'd studied harder - what stopped you?
you may never be able to turn back the clock of time, but if there's not something major i'm missing you can get working on these, now, and it will only benefit you.
you're understating it when you say I think it hurts me more than it hurts them.
it hurts you, tremendously, and it doesn't affect them at all.
_________________
הייתי צוללת עכשיו למים
הכי, הכי עמוקים
לא לשמוע כלום
לא לדעת כלום
וזה הכל אהובי, זה הכל.
RetroGamer87
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Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,082
Location: Adelaide, Australia
However, looking back over my rant I can see two errors in punctuation. One was my fault and the other was caused by my phone's autocorrect.
Was I too lazy? Did the meds I was on screw me up? Was it depression? I think a large part of it was anxiety.
After I graduated from high school I did not go to university. At the time the thought of it filled me with terror. It overwhelmed me. High school made me anxious so why would I want to go to a that makes me three times as anxious?
I thought it would be too hard for me. I thought I couldn't handle it. I may have been right. At the time. Maybe I could handle it now. Maybe not back then.
I'm sure I've grown up a lot since then yet many people are quite capable of handling it when they're 18. Have I only just reached the maturity of a normal 18 year old? That thought is too much to bear.
I know some people do. Maybe one day I will too. My supervisor said I should wait another year. He said this year would be intense.
it hurts you, tremendously, and it doesn't affect them at all.
_________________
The days are long, but the years are short
Was I too lazy? Did the meds I was on screw me up? Was it depression? I think a large part of it was anxiety.
After I graduated from high school I did not go to university. At the time the thought of it filled me with terror. It overwhelmed me. High school made me anxious so why would I want to go to a that makes me three times as anxious?
I thought it would be too hard for me. I thought I couldn't handle it. I may have been right. At the time. Maybe I could handle it now. Maybe not back then.
I'm sure I've grown up a lot since then yet many people are quite capable of handling it when they're 18. Have I only just reached the maturity of a normal 18 year old? That thought is too much to bear.
Not good to regret not having gone to univerity just because of getting a higher social status to get more p***y.
RetroGamer87
Veteran
Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,082
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Was I too lazy? Did the meds I was on screw me up? Was it depression? I think a large part of it was anxiety.
After I graduated from high school I did not go to university. At the time the thought of it filled me with terror. It overwhelmed me. High school made me anxious so why would I want to go to a that makes me three times as anxious?
I thought it would be too hard for me. I thought I couldn't handle it. I may have been right. At the time. Maybe I could handle it now. Maybe not back then.
I'm sure I've grown up a lot since then yet many people are quite capable of handling it when they're 18. Have I only just reached the maturity of a normal 18 year old? That thought is too much to bear.
Not good to regret not having gone to univerity just because of getting a higher social status to get more p***y.
That's not the the reason I regret it!
_________________
The days are long, but the years are short
Are you sure?
My fault. All my fault. I will never be a member of a perfect young couple like them. I may never be in. Young couple at all.
RetroGamer87
Veteran
Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,082
Location: Adelaide, Australia
RetroGamer87
Veteran
Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,082
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Are you sure?
Now I see what you mean. But no, I know that you also crave for youth and hotness in a partner, besides sex and companionship. And it looks like you regret going to uni because of that.
RetroGamer87
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Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,082
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Are you sure?
Now I see what you mean. But no, I know that you also crave for youth and hotness in a partner, besides sex and companionship. And it looks like you regret going to uni because of that.
That's only one of the reasons.
_________________
The days are long, but the years are short
Last edited by RetroGamer87 on 02 Jan 2017, 5:12 am, edited 1 time in total.
nor am i. i find my strength lies in descriptions of nonfictional events.
Was I too lazy? Did the meds I was on screw me up? Was it depression? I think a large part of it was anxiety.
After I graduated from high school I did not go to university. At the time the thought of it filled me with terror. It overwhelmed me. High school made me anxious so why would I want to go to a that makes me three times as anxious?
I thought it would be too hard for me. I thought I couldn't handle it. I may have been right. At the time. Maybe I could handle it now. Maybe not back then.
I'm sure I've grown up a lot since then yet many people are quite capable of handling it when they're 18. Have I only just reached the maturity of a normal 18 year old? That thought is too much to bear.
28 is not old by any means when it comes to getting an education, but i do think you're probably better off deciding how far you want to go with your job first. you certainly shouldn't quit now, but maybe try ringing studies in slowly if you find yourself working less hours for whatever reason.
i was terrified of college as well. i mean, all throughout my school years i was told that "next school will be better, you have more freedoms!", and it was never true. in elementary school, jr high as better and it wasn't.
in, jr high, high school would be better and it wasn't. so i totally see why one might not feel like uni would be worth it, especially if it seems like it would be another lie.
all throughout my school years, the groups have always been small enough where i could easily meet people, whether i liked them or butted heads with them. i always knew someone, whether i wanted to or not.
i didn't think college would be different and it was. i haven't gotten to know anyone very well in my 3 semesters there.
most of my school anxiety stemmed from people, and in college there is no one i know to cause it. it has finally become big enough. i can hide.
maybe you could.
regardless of whether you have experienced what a "typical" 18 year old has or not, you're old enough to have observed how the world, and people work, better than young'uns like i have.
it might be funny hearing this from someone a decade younger than you.
some people get the urge to do so because it "brings them down".
if they can't be happy, no one can.
(i'm not saying this is you)
_________________
הייתי צוללת עכשיו למים
הכי, הכי עמוקים
לא לשמוע כלום
לא לדעת כלום
וזה הכל אהובי, זה הכל.
Are you sure?
Now I see what you mean. But no, I know that you also crave for youth and hotness in a partner, besides sex and companionship. And it looks like you regret going to uni because of that.
That's only one of the reasons.
Still, why do you want someone who will be with you just because you have a piece of paper? Are we purebred dogs and we need a piece of paper to mate?
RetroGamer87
Veteran
Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,082
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Are you sure?
Now I see what you mean. But no, I know that you also crave for youth and hotness in a partner, besides sex and companionship. And it looks like you regret going to uni because of that.
That's only one of the reasons.
Still, why do you want someone who will be with you just because you have a piece of paper? Are we purebred dogs and we need a piece of paper to mate?
Maybe some of my reasons for wanting that piece of paper don't have to do with dating.
Maybe I could have met my partner at university rather than because I had a degree.
_________________
The days are long, but the years are short
RetroGamer87
Veteran
Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,082
Location: Adelaide, Australia
if they can't be happy, no one can.
(i'm not saying this is you)
_________________
The days are long, but the years are short
ah, as did a lot of mine. there was not much i could to about it in high school as i was basically locked into the number of classes/periods i had each year (6) until i met my requirements and then it started to simmer down. the point being, they wanted you in and out the door in four years.
the classes were indeed more difficult in college than in high school, no lies there. it also didn't help i wasn't in any particularly advanced classes in HS, to prepare me....but whatever
the upside to the system (how i see it) is you can choose how many classes you want to take a semester, if you need to take tough courses, you can only take a few each semester and hopefully, stave off exhaustion.
of course, you'll have to end up staying longer, there to get to your goal, and you may end up paying more, and i don't know how expensive uni is over there where you are.
but that's the thing. would you have been willing to pay for that?
dunno. that's probably not for me to decide.
_________________
הייתי צוללת עכשיו למים
הכי, הכי עמוקים
לא לשמוע כלום
לא לדעת כלום
וזה הכל אהובי, זה הכל.
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