To all the bitter men

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Oh yes. I think that any disability is always best left strictly to the sufferer instead of trying to put burden on someone else regardless of the disability. If you stick to that rule then both of you will feel a lot more comfortable and if a time comes along where a partner really does need help with a disability they'll their partner will be more than happy to help. I think that's how all relationships should be.

That's the best way to go about it really, except I'm more of a dog person. Thinking about it, I think I could be somewhat happy on my own actually, but that doesn't mean I'm not interested in a relationship if the right person shows up.. I just need to stop idealizing too much. I've been in 3 relationships at 22, I guess that's alright relative to male aspie standards. I suspect it's much harder for the male aspies who's never been in a relationship.

Oh I completely understand I was horribly teased aftwr being rejected by someone. Girls used to to pretend the guy i had a crush on liked me back so i would ask him out. Then when he said no the boy would tease me. People can be mean sometimes

If you are more interesting in your passions than money, why would you want someone just interested in your money? Seems like an incompatibility not worth exploring from the get go.

Apathy?

Are you trying to make this some kind of a negative thing?

I really hate it when people pull out an example of "someone who has it worse than you" so that they can tell the other person that they are not allowed to feel bad. I'm sorry to hear about this guy. That truly is a rough life. But everyone has someone worse off than them. That doesn't make any of them feel any better. Occassionally when I'm down I think, well at least I don't live in Aleppo, and you know what. That cured my depression, oh wait, no it didn't because that's not how depression works.

A person dealing with their own stressful circumstances is allowed to express how those circumstances make them feel. It is not whining.

That goes for the OP who told nurseangela she was whining.

It's not a contest.

I am asking if that is what it is, only you can determine if that is negative for you. Do you feel like being apathetic towards the situation is negative? For instance, after many years of watching my favorite football team be complete, utter s**t for so many years I became apathetic and I was grateful because it hurt to care so much.

Maybe it's because you are starting to accept yourself and feel more comfortable in your own skin. When a person is less depressed and not focusing on the negative continuously, they tend to have more energy for their hobbies and things that interest them.

I get in a funk in the winter with my SAD problem. If I sit around and brood about it, the situation just gets worse so I try to stay busy.

You can feel as bad as you want. I'm just saying that most people won't want to be around you for long.

I know this probably makes you mad, but the sad fact is that most people have no interest in hearing about your problems because they have their own problems that are just as bad or worse. That's where a good shrink comes in or a really good close friend who cares about you (which are really hard to find).

You come here and talk about your problem, you will get people who will try to fix it for you, but someone who will really listen and really care - no. Unless the online person is someone you talk to regularly as a real friend. Threads are for quickie fixes or complaining.

Sigh. You're not listening to what I'm saying.

"Saying someone can't be sad because someone else may have it worse is like saying someone can't be happy because someone else may have it better."

It doesn't really help. It often makes the person feel worse. If they are empathetic they feel bad that other people feel worse and that makes them think more negatively of life. It's like when I feel sad that I'm on my own and people start telling me about folk they know who are in unhappy relationships. That just makes me feel worse because I feel like there is no happiness anywhere. We're sad alone, we're said when paired up. What's the point of feelings. They just bring pain.

What's more motivational is to encourage people to get out there and experience things. Although, I think that has back fired on me as well. I think a few guys think I'm telling them that they are useless because they have no hobbies, but I really just want them to find things that make them happy.

I think I try to do that because I am unhappy myself and I wish I had the motivation to do things that I love, but I'm too depressed and it's too cold and dark to go out for walks at the moment. My passion is photography. I at least get a bit of pleasure from that. I want the guys on here to find something that they love as much to help them feel like there is some good in life.

I think that you're right in a way. Getting involved with helping others is good, but not to make us feel like, "well at least I'm not that bad," but to give us personal connections. I do think real connections with people makes something inside of us feel good. It's good to feel helpful. That's why I suggested something simple in that past on other threads. Go and visit an elderly relative or neighbour. There was a thing on the radio today about how so many elderly people are lonely. All they need is a listening ear. All I have to do is sit and listen and have a cup of tea with them and they feel cared about. It's great. They often have really interesting stories too.

I feel Hurtloam really is a good person, and should not be taken to task for making the suggestions that she made.

She offers good advice.

No. I only pointed out the hypocrisy, I never said it was wrong to express oneself. My point was quite literally that it's okay, and every persons experience does not require justification and validation.

Last edited by Closet Genious on 13 Jan 2017, 5:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I can understand why they feel hurt though. I've been given advice before, but because I'm so far away from that goal, I feel more useless because I have no idea how to reach it.

The trick is, take baby steps. Do little things and work up toward your goals. And they have to be your goals, not the goals you think society or prospective dates think you should have. You have to see value in the thing you're aiming for otherwise you will resent it.

It's better to give good advice than to withhold it.

Even if the person isn't able to "receive" the advice, and benefit from it at that very moment when the advice is given, it's quite possible that, as time proceeds and growth occurs, that this same advice will be of benefit.

To withhold good advice out of fear does not benefit anybody.