Aspie friend withdrawal

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it's not pathetic i understand you completely. i think any thinking and feeling individual would. whilst i also appreciate that you feel this sorta discussion is best done face to face, it "may" be a possibility that he doesn't. what i mean is, is face to face comms something you feel he would be comfortable with?
i ask because you know him, i do not.

i can only go by my own experiences...i always found my OH was better in the written form in the early days. because he had the opportunity to express himself, at his own pace, and word things exactly as needed whereas being face to face, required stuff from him he wasn't as comfortable doing...possibly an AS thing but, thinking on his feet wasn't great for him...these days i can't shut him up but that's by the by...

it might be worth considering that regardless of how important this convo is, and regardless of the fact that an NT would prefer to do it face to face in order to read nuances and expressions...this "may" not be HIS metier. just something to consider as you ruminate.

i'm also cognizant of the other factors you mention and i appreciate what you are saying...there is no easy answer is there? then again, you feel as you feel, so perhaps simplifying it would be beneficial on this occasion.

he is still a man. you are still a woman. ask, and be damned i say. you have nothing to lose. currently you appear to have a fragile friendship because that elephant in the room is so honkingly big, you can't even see around it!

one of you has to take that dread step and resolve this. not looking like it's going to be him. whereas you definitely have things you need said. yes, it may not go as you would wish but, you are a grown up and you know this.
make a decision, chick. you need your peace of mind back. take some control back.

There is nothing ridiculous nor pathetic about how you feel, if you feel he is worth your time, perhaps a little time and patience will be worth it. I understand time is the most valuable thing we have and there very well may be pain at the end of the path you are currently on, only you can measure if this risk is worth the end reward that your heart's desire.

I think I need to wait and have patience just a little longer. The last two times I tried to have a "feelings" conversation with him were met with the agonizing withdrawal. I just wish I knew whether:

1. he knows what he feels but doesn't know how to express that (whichever way he stands on the matter)
2. he doesn't know or understand exactly how he feels (whichever way he stands on the matter)

I have not felt this way about someone in a long long time. I don't want to blow it completely.

My advice would be to ask him if he would like to meet up? Maybe suggest a venue and time. Aspies often don't get the vague hints. Ask him straight with details of plans and I think you will get a straight answer. In my situation this has worked when I have thought he was withdrawing. . .. usually he was just busy with other stuff so wouldn't think to initiate a meeting but was more than happy to agree when I did the planning. Hope that helps. And maybe don't weigh it down with the emotional stuff. Just 2 friends meeting up.

For the Aspies reading, would the above terrify or intrigue you? I know we are all individuals and would react in our own ways, but I'm curious about your perspective.

Well whenever I am actually terrified I'm usually also intrigued.

Anyone who gets eaten by the kraken should probably be notetaking.

Am I the only one who can't understand over half of cberg's posts?

okay, rephrasing: Would you run to her or away from her? lol

And I think I see what you are saying. This post is pretty much a direct playbook of what your NT love interests are thinking/feeling when you are hiding, and it's like a megaphone screaming "Please don't be so reclusive! We are trying to understand, but we miss you, we want you, we need you! So please reach out just a little. Just a wee bit. We'll meet you 9/10ths of the way. Try to give us the 1/10th please, we need it."

I suppose it would ultimately depend on who that person is to me saying those words. If I liked that person, it would be exciting and maybe a little terrifying at the same time. No matter how I felt about them I would likely handle the whole ordeal very poorly and awkwardly fumble the situation.

Red Alert! The anonymity of this forum allows one to just say anything. I'm realizing now that if there were any chance he was reading this, and he would absolutely know this was about him and I'm me from what I've said, I would just about kill over. lol This would totally overload him. What are the odds? lol Livin' on the edge here. Flirtin' with disaster. Buwhaaahaaahaaa

For me, my anxiety makes it difficult to initiate conversations or meetings with others, so having the other party plan out a meeting is normally all that I can hope for. Another issue that I have is that I don't know if someone already has plans or how busy they are, and I have bad luck with asking about or planning a meeting at the wrong time.



If he isn't ready yet and if you really care for him, all you can do is give it time. It can take a lot for me to work up the courage to open up to people, and all I can do is just go at my own pace. Maybe it's the same case with your friend.

I hear you Aaron. I know that's all probably the case with my friend too. I wish there was something I could do to make him more comfortable. I think he might have anxiety like you describe, and I wish I were able to help him to see that he doesn't have to worry to the extreme. I wish he could see himself the way I see him. If he did, or if he only at least understood how I see him, he wouldn't have to be so guarded. I see his many strengths and talents and I see some vulnerabilities but those are all the constituent parts that make up the amazing multifaceted person that he is. We're all human and we all have what we consider our own weaknesses. Sometimes what we consider weaknesses, though, are hidden strengths or just part of our character and charm, and those things are not always negatives--in fact, they are not really weaknesses at all but just who we are. I admire and respect him so much that if he realized what that means, he might not be so afraid to be open about what he is thinking--whichever way that goes. I know that's easy for someone like me to say. I know it's not nearly that easy from the other side though.

Cberg certainly has a unique way of expressing himself. Perhaps it is time to try a new method of decryption. I personally enjoy Cbergs input.