Men's Looks Matter More Than Women Admit, Study Shows

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Sweetleaf
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30 Jul 2017, 5:16 pm

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
It sounds like no matter what certain men hear from women directly about women's own thoughts and feelings, they just assume the women are always lying or don't even understand their own minds and feelings. Which isn't at all condescending and misogynistic. :roll:


I do certainly find it a bit annoying myself...

It could be different things appeal to different women, don't see what is so idealistic about that or why it is so hard for some to grasp. I mean carelessly making a generalization about men or women without specifying 'some' is one thing...but accusing female posters here of lying/being in denial when they challenge a generalization based on personal experience with how they themselves feel about it is BS.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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31 Jul 2017, 12:22 am

^ Well, I am just a mere sinful mortal; it's just too difficult for me to relate to saints with holy halos.



Amity
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31 Jul 2017, 6:57 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Good, you're honest - I like that, this how all women should be, honest like you on these matters without claiming too much unbelievable idealism.

But what do you think of the ladies' posts here: viewtopic.php?f=27&t=347074

Honestly? I think most of those posters there are in denial and probably don't want to dig into their subconscious. This amount of idealism they're talking about and claiming to have is really inhuman, it makes it so impossible to believe them.
The study mentioned in the OP was actually made to test this proclaimed idealism among many women, and the other thread is a fine example of this proclaimed idealism in my opinion.

Honestly I think you have challenges that you avoid dealing with and instead you dehumanise other people's stories to make yourself feel better .
Please refrain from using my threads (taken out of the context of the women's forum) to feed your own avoidance, some of us aren't actually afraid of real growth and right now you are trivialising mine.
Edited to adjust the tone.



Last edited by Amity on 31 Jul 2017, 11:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

rdos
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31 Jul 2017, 7:16 am

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
It sounds like no matter what certain men hear from women directly about women's own thoughts and feelings, they just assume the women are always lying or don't even understand their own minds and feelings. Which isn't at all condescending and misogynistic. :roll:


Well, it is a fact that humans (both men and women) don't understand much of what motivates them, and especially in the relationship area. I think nature made us this way because we are not supposed to "cheat" on our relationship preferences.



sly279
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31 Jul 2017, 12:41 pm

I don't think any woman would date a guy so disgustly ugly they can't even look at him, no mater how confident he is or how great his personality is. Which is what comes to mind when they say looks don't matter. I think finding someone attractive is important before one even dates. I've had women like my personality but once they see how ugly I am they're done. I have to agree with boo, I think most women say looks don't matter so they seem more holy then men who surposely only care about looks. I couldn't kiss someone I found unattractive nor could I sleep or have sex with them, Ive seen no evidence that women can.

Not saying they purposely lying necessarily ,but they lying to themselves. There are some super super ugly like sometimes scary ugly men out there I doubt they'd agree to date. Which is what it is, finding your spouse attractive is a must. So either they're lying or they mean that they'd date a average looking guy who is only slightly unattractive that they'd find more attractive as they got to know, but that's not the same as true looks don't matter.



sly279
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31 Jul 2017, 12:46 pm

rdos wrote:
karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
It sounds like no matter what certain men hear from women directly about women's own thoughts and feelings, they just assume the women are always lying or don't even understand their own minds and feelings. Which isn't at all condescending and misogynistic. :roll:


Well, it is a fact that humans (both men and women) don't understand much of what motivates them, and especially in the relationship area. I think nature made us this way because we are not supposed to "cheat" on our relationship preferences.


I think ideally they think they can but until they try to date a guy they find hideously unattractive they won't know. Thought maybe I could but I can't. I can't bring myself to be physically intimate with a woman I find unattractive. I don't believe women are better then men in this. I've seen women who claim looks don't matter but they always date handsome men, so how would they know lol.



kraftiekortie
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31 Jul 2017, 12:48 pm

I have been attracted to some really "ugly" women because they had other traits which attracted to me to them.

I would be more turned off by a woman who, say, doesn't take showers too often.



sly279
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31 Jul 2017, 1:42 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I have been attracted to some really "ugly" women because they had other traits which attracted to me to them.

I would be more turned off by a woman who, say, doesn't take showers too often.

Ugly or so unattractive. Did you kiss them and sex with them or even date them?

I find playfulness personality attractive, but if I don't find the person physically attractive too I couldn't date them.

Why won't women date guys who don't have confidence? Not everyone will have confidence especially since confidence comes from positive experiences high if you have non you can't build confidence and since women won't date a guy who lacks confidence he can never build confidence for women to see. Catch 22

Much like everyone only wanting a experienced plumber, how do you expect his replacement to get experience, probably part of why trade jobs are dying out. Same could be applied to any job. In fact find a job is impossible for me due t lacking experience I'd need to which I could only get from working that job.



kraftiekortie
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31 Jul 2017, 1:45 pm

This one woman......who was pretty ugly, and weighed about 250 lbs, wouldn't date me because she was married. But I thought about her night and day for a while.....



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 31 Jul 2017, 1:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

rdos
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31 Jul 2017, 1:54 pm

sly279 wrote:
Thought maybe I could but I can't. I can't bring myself to be physically intimate with a woman I find unattractive.


I know I'm like that too after having a "date" (through a newspaper-ad in the 90s) with one. I never saw her again, but I know she was a nice person. Still, it is not enough to be a nice person.



karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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31 Jul 2017, 2:15 pm

You guys are free to continue thinking women don't understand their own thoughts and feelings and are always lying or in denial about them. Just be aware that as long as you think that way, women are going to be able to pick up on it and it will render you personally repulsive to us. So think how you want about us rather than listen to our perspectives and experiences, and live with the consequences.



sly279
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31 Jul 2017, 2:23 pm

rdos wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Thought maybe I could but I can't. I can't bring myself to be physically intimate with a woman I find unattractive.


I know I'm like that too after having a "date" (through a newspaper-ad in the 90s) with one. I never saw her again, but I know she was a nice person. Still, it is not enough to be a nice person.

We don't agree very often.
I still went on dates with them. I gave them a fair chance, which is more then most women would do. They won't even message me. No way to get to know a mans personality if you won't even talk to them.

The one lady had a 10 year old daughter too, which I'm not really wanting to date a parent , but I felt it would only be fair to give her a shot. She was quite nice.

I often have the personality traits women want but I'm ugly and poor which is why they won't even talk to me.



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31 Jul 2017, 2:27 pm

sly279 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I have been attracted to some really "ugly" women because they had other traits which attracted to me to them.

I would be more turned off by a woman who, say, doesn't take showers too often.

Ugly or so unattractive. Did you kiss them and sex with them or even date them?

I find playfulness personality attractive, but if I don't find the person physically attractive too I couldn't date them.

Why won't women date guys who don't have confidence? Not everyone will have confidence especially since confidence comes from positive experiences high if you have non you can't build confidence and since women won't date a guy who lacks confidence he can never build confidence for women to see. Catch 22

Much like everyone only wanting a experienced plumber, how do you expect his replacement to get experience, probably part of why trade jobs are dying out. Same could be applied to any job. In fact find a job is impossible for me due t lacking experience I'd need to which I could only get from working that job.

Well, like, take your plumber analogy. I work in education. In our school system, you absolutely CANNOT get licensed or teach in a classroom without prior teaching experience. The way you get experience teaching is through a mandated internship. It's built into your degree program. Before that, you log observational and field experience hours, keep up your paperwork, and have your cooperating teachers sign off on everything. It's simple and gets you out of the Catch-22.

Plumbing is an old trade and more about hands-on skill than "3R's" type learning, whereas teaching is more about modifying student behavior. Of course an inexperienced plumber won't get any work. But define experience. Skilled labor jobs are usually union jobs. Piece of cake. You go to your local labor union and tell them you want to be a plumber. They hook you up with a master plumber and you'll do a paid apprenticeship. You'll end up doing contract gigs for, say, industrial building projects. After you've had some practice with that and become a master plumber yourself, you may decide to move back home and work on toilets for the rest of your life. But that's how it's done. Most skilled labor is on-the-job training.

Relationships? Honestly, I don't see why experience is anyone's business. For women, all you have to say to a man is "I've been in 3 relationships" if it ever comes up. If that's a big deal, he doesn't deserve to know. The exception is if you have a disease or, if not, you've had risky behavior with multiple partners.

But I've never been out with a girl who particularly cared or wanted to know that much. The less experienced, the better, IMO. Most people just aren't that interested.

Going back to the previous analogies, you ARE going to get experience one way or another. Look at it as any other relationship. You and your mom have A relationship. Same with female siblings and cousins if you're around them much. Female acquaintances and friends are another kind of relationship. Use that as an entry-level model for romantic relationships and you're off to a good start.

You build experience that way. The more you get to know a girl, the closer you get towards exclusivity, and even beyond that, you're always building experience and taking things to the next level. Your first relationships might not last long at all, splits happening from lack of experience. But you'll notice it gets easier as you move forward.

As someone who has gotten dumped quite a few times, lemme just say get used to it early on. Just be glad you got a gf at all and that you're one breakup closer to finding the one girl who will NOT waste your time.



sly279
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31 Jul 2017, 2:51 pm

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
You guys are free to continue thinking women don't understand their own thoughts and feelings and are always lying or in denial about them. Just be aware that as long as you think that way, women are going to be able to pick up on it and it will render you personally repulsive to us. So think how you want about us rather than listen to our perspectives and experiences, and live with the consequences.

Most people are in denial of their true thoughts. Lots of women deny the reality that their bf/husband is a abusive ashore who treats them like s**t. So do lots of guys. My brothers wife was horrible , but he told himself she was great. "Everything is fine" he'd say repeatedly. Look I like thin women, I like to think I don't prefer thin women but I do. I lived in denial about it for years in which I'd tell people I didn't. I still like bigger women mind you, but I'd definitely prefer a thin woman. I had to come to that realization and accept it.
So you're telling me you'd be fine kissing and sleeping with these guys
Image
Image

One you these guys aren't even the worse I saw one guy that many women and guys thought was scary ugly. He creeped most people out, his pic was circulated over Facebook few years back.

Or tske looks don't matter to its full end, would you date a guy who looked completely like a woman, or would you date a woman even if your straight? If looks truely don't matter and all that matters is personality then gender wouldn't either.

We're or at least I'm not saying personality doesn't matter, or that looks alone should only matter, I don't think most people would dat a good looking person who personality they disliked. But likewise personality isn't all that matters either. It's a balance of the two. People won't someone who they find physically attractive and find their personality attractive. I wouldn't date a attractive thin woman who's personality I dislike and have nothing in common with. I look for playfullyness, kindness, compassion, similar interests. I could maybe see an asexual person not caring about looks but they aren't wanting to kiss, cuddle, touch, or have sex. More just a close friendship.

As yankeemarshel said on his YouTube channel, "if you disagree about me calling them unfuckable, then prove it and go f**k them" translation to this subject if looks don't matter then do the world a favor go find men who most say are super ugly and date them, find one who's personality you like. As a ugly undatable guy I'd love to find a woman who truely doesn't care about looks. But most women flat out tell me I'm physically unattractive. So if any woman truely can not be bothered by looks then it'd be a blessing that shouldn't be wasted on good looking guys or even average guys.

Not that you have to but there are lots of ugly guys out there who most women won't even talk to non less go on a date who have great personalities.

On another note. When googleing for ugly guys the whole hot chick with ugly guy pics come up, mos the supposed ugly guys are just average or pretty good looking. Likewise I see a lot of pretty girls saying their ugly, perhaps like body size the word ugly is just being reapplied to average looking people. Like how average size women get called obese. This shifts the whole scale. When I say super ugly I mean you look at the guy and get scared or feel like vomiting. I doubt any amount of personality could overcome that.

For the record I make women laugh a lot, I'm kind, loyal, compassionate, romantic, I love to cuddle and be effectionate, few women I dated said I seemed confident(o.0)
Non of that makes up for my looks though nor my being a min wage worker who takes the bus. I'd love that women didn't care about looks at all or social standing but have yet to meet any. Even the nice ones who could look past my job still eventually admit they find me ugly but liked my personality and hoped they'd grow to find me attractive but couldn't. It makes for emotional ride for me as grow to like them but reality was they didn't find me attractive and couldn't ever. Which hurts worse cause I'd grown to like them a lot .

Also I think most people don't understand their feelings. That's why we have consoulers and therapists :p



sly279
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31 Jul 2017, 3:17 pm

AngelRho wrote:
sly279 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I have been attracted to some really "ugly" women because they had other traits which attracted to me to them.

I would be more turned off by a woman who, say, doesn't take showers too often.

Ugly or so unattractive. Did you kiss them and sex with them or even date them?

I find playfulness personality attractive, but if I don't find the person physically attractive too I couldn't date them.

Why won't women date guys who don't have confidence? Not everyone will have confidence especially since confidence comes from positive experiences high if you have non you can't build confidence and since women won't date a guy who lacks confidence he can never build confidence for women to see. Catch 22

Much like everyone only wanting a experienced plumber, how do you expect his replacement to get experience, probably part of why trade jobs are dying out. Same could be applied to any job. In fact find a job is impossible for me due t lacking experience I'd need to which I could only get from working that job.

Well, like, take your plumber analogy. I work in education. In our school system, you absolutely CANNOT get licensed or teach in a classroom without prior teaching experience. The way you get experience teaching is through a mandated internship. It's built into your degree program. Before that, you log observational and field experience hours, keep up your paperwork, and have your cooperating teachers sign off on everything. It's simple and gets you out of the Catch-22.

Plumbing is an old trade and more about hands-on skill than "3R's" type learning, whereas teaching is more about modifying student behavior. Of course an inexperienced plumber won't get any work. But define experience. Skilled labor jobs are usually union jobs. Piece of cake. You go to your local labor union and tell them you want to be a plumber. They hook you up with a master plumber and you'll do a paid apprenticeship. You'll end up doing contract gigs for, say, industrial building projects. After you've had some practice with that and become a master plumber yourself, you may decide to move back home and work on toilets for the rest of your life. But that's how it's done. Most skilled labor is on-the-job training.

Relationships? Honestly, I don't see why experience is anyone's business. For women, all you have to say to a man is "I've been in 3 relationships" if it ever comes up. If that's a big deal, he doesn't deserve to know. The exception is if you have a disease or, if not, you've had risky behavior with multiple partners.

But I've never been out with a girl who particularly cared or wanted to know that much. The less experienced, the better, IMO. Most people just aren't that interested.

Going back to the previous analogies, you ARE going to get experience one way or another. Look at it as any other relationship. You and your mom have A relationship. Same with female siblings and cousins if you're around them much. Female acquaintances and friends are another kind of relationship. Use that as an entry-level model for romantic relationships and you're off to a good start.

You build experience that way. The more you get to know a girl, the closer you get towards exclusivity, and even beyond that, you're always building experience and taking things to the next level. Your first relationships might not last long at all, splits happening from lack of experience. But you'll notice it gets easier as you move forward.

As someone who has gotten dumped quite a few times, lemme just say get used to it early on. Just be glad you got a gf at all and that you're one breakup closer to finding the one girl who will NOT waste your time.


There isn't really apprenticeships anymore though. Take automotive for example they use to have apprentices but they don't. Most places want min two years experience for oil change position, which is the entry point to the field. The college makes you take a 3 week job trial that's it, then you graduate and up to you. Same goes for the other trade programs. I looked around at job offers. Even min wage retail jobs want min two years experience. I can't even transfer out of my department because my department experience isn't the experience needed for the other departments. I can't for example transfer to the gun counter or ammo area cause I lack experience selling guns or ammo. I know a lot about guns and ammo. I'd have to work in those departments to get the experience needed to get hired in them. So I'm stuck in my department(worse department in the store employees hate even covering a 15 min break up ther) likewise if/when I get fired the two years experience I have won't help me find another job.
So summary mine and others two year degree means nothing. Meanwhile the people who grew up in the trade due to parents have plenty of experience. I toured a machine shop once, most their employees are nearing retirement and they can't find people with experience to replace them. Honestly the job looked neat to me, stand at a spot doing the same task over and over and over to precision. Oh well though. trade are different then teaching cause there's no government mandated internship. Most people go to trade schools now like my community college to become plumber, electrician,contractor, automotive tech etc, but all that does is teach you how to do stuff not give you experience, I believe it sets most people up for failure, the old way was better.

Most guys don't care about a woman's experience, I don't get why most women care but they do. The reason given is it's a red flag like why wouldn't any woman date the guy before what's so wrong with him no woman will date him. That and other women want a experienced guy sexually. I've been rejected a bunch for my lack of past relationships and sexual experience. A guy who's never had a gf at 25 and up is a big red flag.

Not really, you don't date, kiss, or do other stuff with female siblings, cousins or friends. It's the the experience women are looking for in a romantic partner.
Likewise if you have 30 years plumbing experience it won't mean anything to a stock broker position.

I've never had a relationship, so I've never been dumped, I'd gladly be dumped 100s of times as that's mean I'd had hundreds of relationships. It I can't even get a first date. I've only had 9 dates in my whole life, never had a second date. So I'd be glad to have a short relationship. It'd be nice to feel loved for once even if it only last a few months.

So my only experience is rejection, so no I don't have any confidence, I'm sure if I'd had few relations in my teens through early 20s I'd be confident with women, but I didn't.
I feel more confident with shaving and guns, I have positive experiences with those. Same with video games and somewhat wood working. Likewise I had bad experience with musical instruments and so lack confidence with them. Those guys with confidence had past relationships to gain it from. That's why we have drivers ed and similar stuff to give kids good experiences to boast their confidence before we send them out int the real thing. I for the life of me don't understand why women who dated me felt me confident. Guess cause I talked a lot and wasn't shy. But women won't even date me now :( at 30 it's too late. I shouldn't tried to date when I was in middle school thru huh, but I'd been bullied and focused more on getting good grades.



The_Face_of_Boo
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31 Jul 2017, 4:05 pm

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
You guys are free to continue thinking women don't understand their own thoughts and feelings and are always lying or in denial about them. Just be aware that as long as you think that way, women are going to be able to pick up on it and it will render you personally repulsive to us. So think how you want about us rather than listen to our perspectives and experiences, and live with the consequences.


No woman outside this forum can pick up on anything, you're not mind-reading beings. You're just simple humans as us the men, you don't have such superpowers.

Look, it's not really a matter of woman or man, but when someone says something which I find too unbelievable, then it's hard for me to relate to that; not necessarily he or she is lying but I simply can't believe he/she really meant what this person just said or probably he/she didn't realize it or give it a truthful thought.

Let's say for example a devout Muslim told me he saw a djinn last night dancing in his room, should I believe him because I am supposed to consider him that he understands his own thoughts and experiences? I am atheist, so of course I won't believe him! ( or I would think he smoked something) - I don't believe in djinns as much I don't believe that most humans are capable not to care about looks (including face, body, height ....etc..anything related to appearance) *at all* when it comes to attraction (yes, I do understand that it's not a priority to many).

Oh, and if I don't believe him then I suppose I would be called islamphobic by you who thinks of "devout Muslims don't understand their own thoughts and feelings and are always lying or in denial about them". Gimme a break.

For me, an unbelievable thing, is an unbelievable thing. Period. No need for further drama.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 31 Jul 2017, 4:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.