A girlfriend is not a lost puppy.

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cberg
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10 Sep 2018, 8:38 pm

I'm with Spiderpig on the knowledge mining. I think we're all just here to find out ways of keeping it copacetic among other people. Lonely people here (not just guys either) are just pointing out fundamental problems with any & all of our means of communication.

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Spiderpig
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10 Sep 2018, 8:57 pm

Fnord wrote:

No ... you are failing to help yourselves.

From my perspective, it seems that all of those “I can’t get a girlfriend” threads hint at one underlying wish: That “The World” would just hand the writer his own, personal sex slave girlfriend and walk away.

But that’s not how it’s going to happen.

To attract someone, you must first be attractive in every way possible, and if you don’t want to make the effort, then it’s just too damned bad for you.

That’s life.

Well, I still don’t know who those people are, but certainly don’t want a slave, so I can’t be one of them.

I already admitted our attempts to help ourselves aren’t succeeding; this doesn’t invalidate the fact that if someone is trying to help us and fails, he’s failing at that particular endeavor, too. That’s why I gave him some hints I think are more visible from my perspective than from his, in case he actually wants to help, like he seemed to be saying. Otherwise, you both are still admirable and enviable, and know a lot of things about life that we could really use learning, but since you seem unwilling to share anything that at least I haven’t read many times before, I doubt there’s much left of interest in this thread to anyone other than an echo chamber for those who want to rejoice in how much better they are than us. Meanwhile, we’ll have to be busy helping ourselves elsewhere.

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Spiderpig
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10 Sep 2018, 9:14 pm

cberg wrote:

If people didn't whine on the internet, we couldn't build the internet! Man it's called bug reporting.

Heh, nice one :jester:

RetroGamer87
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10 Sep 2018, 9:31 pm

Wolfram87 wrote:

So you're saying my sausage-on-a-string plan is doomed to fail? Curses!

It would be better if you use chocolate on a string. Girls love chocolate!

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Spiderpig
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10 Sep 2018, 9:55 pm

I’ve heard they especially like it if your abs look like chocolate. Except they don’t melt when she warms them up. But maybe something else melts.

cberg
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10 Sep 2018, 9:57 pm

Spiderpig wrote:

Fnord wrote:

I'm just going to let sexier people explain why this is stupid, mean & wrong.

I'll be in the corner fixing oodles of technology until it's sexy.

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11 Sep 2018, 12:38 am

cberg wrote:

I'm not on those apps because I understand and strongly disapprove of their schemes.

What sort of schemes? Tell me all the lurid details?

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RetroGamer87
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11 Sep 2018, 12:39 am

Fnord wrote:

It was only when I stopped "looking for a girlfriend" and started working on being attractive to women that I met my wife. It amazed me how many women were interested in me once I started working out, dressing well, taking classes, and simply smiling more often. I also stopped complaining and acting like a perpetual loser and victim.

Unnecessary. I didn't do any of that stuff and I can still attract girls.

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cberg
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11 Sep 2018, 12:52 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:

cberg wrote:

I'm not on those apps because I understand and strongly disapprove of their schemes.

What sort of schemes? Tell me all the lurid details?

They usually ignore common IT security practices & sell everyone's data on to advertisers & anyone else they can without users seeing a penny.

goldfish21
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11 Sep 2018, 1:37 am

cberg wrote:

I work on the infrastructure that allows you to post this social darwinist drivel.

Great, when I need to learn about that stuff I'll ask you & learn something. When you need to learn how to attract women, you should be learining from those who do.

Fnord wrote:

cberg wrote:

The insinuation of our un-attractiveness did so rather neatly...

By definition, people who attract other people are attractive, and people who do not attract other people are unattractive. It only stands to reason.

Ding ding ding. I'm a gay guy. I attract girls. (Very rarely guys as almost everyone, gay guys included, assume I'm straight unless I'm hanging out in a very gay space or the gay end of the beach or something.) Anyways, girls hit on me. Obviously I attract girls. I can list the things they're attracted to if anyone cares - and doing so wouldn't be me bragging as I couldn't care less about attracting pretty girls (unless they have younger brothers, then maybe..) but it is what it is, they're attracted to me, and I can tell you what it is they like for your benefit should you choose to become more like the men that women are attracted to.

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cberg
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11 Sep 2018, 1:53 am

I don't plan on attracting anyone via rote conformity if that's what you mean.

fluffysaurus
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11 Sep 2018, 5:34 am

goldfish21 wrote:

fluffysaurus wrote:

Sabreclaw wrote:

Here's something I don't understand. People say that you don't need to have a partner to be worth something, and yet any time someone complains about having difficulty attracting people, the first thing that happens is everyone assumes these guys need to work on themselves, as though they're not worth anything.

Yes. the one time I posted about problems finding a partner, it was (nicely) suggested I lose weight and wash more often

And if those things weren't obvious to you before that, then it may have been valid advice.

I am not overweight and I do not smell.

goldfish21 wrote:

Back to Sabreclaw's post: If those guys didn't have difficulty attracting someone, they wouldn't be advised to make themselves more attractive, would they? CLEARLY if someone isn't attracting others it's not EVERYONE else' fault and thus there must be something they need to work on.. whether it's physical fitness, fashion sense, social skills, hygiene, communication skills etc or some combination - who knows? But if someone isn't attracting others, it's themselves they need to work on. Full stop.

It's communication, and nothing I have read has been at the level I need. So I'm in the supermarket and there

must be at least 100 men in there so the odds are at least a couple are going to be single and potentially

interested in me; so in what way do they appear different from the others? Do not say the ones flirting because

you will have missed out some stages and those are the stages I have problems with.

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rdos
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11 Sep 2018, 6:08 am

goldfish21 wrote:

You don't even have to go to the sock hop and ask a girl to dance like it's 1950 anymore..

FYI, girls still like to dance, and asking for a dance is nothing like asking for a date. I could ask any girl for a dance, and most will typically accept, but I never would ask a girl for a date.

goldfish21 wrote:

everyone is on Tinder/dating apps & we can use our ability to communicate via text to our advantage.

I certainly do. Almost ALL of the dates/hookups I've had have originated from apps/sites/texts/emails, not live in person PUA stuff.

Get textual. Learn how to ask the right questions & when in a conversation (and how to even HAVE a conversation if that's an issue for you.) and eventually things just click along comfortably almost like a script when you're chatting with someone new. Conversations flow, back and forth Q & A, then an agreement to meet up. Pretty simple process - and no live in person confidence & social skills required to initiate things.

So many things that are wrong with this.

First, if you use online dating, there is absolutely no way to detect neurotype of a girl. This is something that needs real-life contact to determine. Therefore, online dating will fail to preselect girls on neurotype, which will result in a huge failure rate for those that go to a real life meeting.

Second, talking is the last step in ND courtship, and so by starting that way, you will miss out on everything that is fun & exciting.

rdos
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11 Sep 2018, 6:21 am

goldfish21 wrote:

rdos wrote:

For me, an LTR is a process involving a crush and that will ideally last for several years. I don't think your advice to go up and talk to a stranger girl and ask her for a date will be of much help for me. :mrgreen:

goldfish21 wrote:

You discounting my experiences as valueless because your goals are different is simply an excuse not to learn from someone, IMO.

No, I'm discounting them because I have experienced the best way for NDs to get into LTRs. :lol:

Um, if that's how you think relationships form you are WAAAAAAAAAAAAY out in left field compared to the rest of the world.

I don't care to involve in neurotypical-style relationships. They are boring and without passion. I leave that stuff to you, but then you seem to switch partner all the time to escape the worst boredom. To me, switching partner frequently is not something I would consider, so I decide to avoid neurotypical-style relationships instead.

goldfish21 wrote:

And based on your lack of understanding the basics of how relationships begin, I really don't think you've "experienced the best way for NDs to get into LTRs."

I think I have and I base that on doing it both the typical way and the natural. When doing it the typical way, all the fun stuff will be missed and you will pretty soon end up in a something that looks like a friendship where you have been together for many years, which is not very exciting. By extending the courtship as much as possible a strong attachment would be built, and passion and romance would be kept for a long time. So, the natural way is a lot more fun & exciting, and doing it the typical way quickly ends up becoming boring.

Spiderpig
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11 Sep 2018, 7:13 am

fluffysaurus wrote:

It's communication, and nothing I have read has been at the level I need. So I'm in the supermarket and there must be at least 100 men in there so the odds are at least a couple are going to be single and potentially interested in me; so in what way do they appear different from the others? Do not say the ones flirting because you will have missed out some stages and those are the stages I have problems with.

If I were one of them, I’d be potentially interested in you. As in, I’d know nothing about you, except for your looks, so unless you looked distinctly unattractive or hostile, approaching you would be at least as good a shot at breaking out of my social, romantic and sexual isolation as any other. I wish there were a magical way to let each other know exactly what we want, and to assure each other they’re not going to be forced or pressured into anything they don’t want—but mostly that I won’t force or pressure you into anything, I suppose. Since there’s no such thing, I wouldn’t make the slightest move, because as far as I know, it’d be harassment. I’ve read many texts by women saying they don’t go to <insert place here> to be approached. They never say they go anywhere to be approached, so the right thing to do seems to be to leave them alone, always.

As it happens, since I’ve met you here, I don’t know what you look like and do know a tiny bit of other things; namely, that you’re a writer, that you don’t like seeing anyone’s feet and that you have a very sensitive neck and seem to be very sensitive overall. Your sensitivity could prove a challenge, but it may still be worthwhile if it can be overcome to reach a fruitful and trusty connection with you—to someone who will actually meet you in real life and is good enough for you, that is.

kraftiekortie
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11 Sep 2018, 8:08 am

There’s really much to like about Fluffy....

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