Do you find the opposite sex quite distant

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It's not that easy fnord.

Being a single woman, married men feel comfortable talking to me and find me interesting. They treat me like an equal. Whereas single men are scared that I, or any single woman, will read too much into their interest and will deliberately make it clear through avoiding you or being cold, that they don't want any romantic interest from you and have no romantic interest for you... but they don't want anyone... That's what I find bizarre. No women are enough for them.

Men in their 30s who are still single in 2019 seem scared of being trapped, like women are somehow gonna kill their freedom.

Well, after a while. At first they'll be nice to you and find you interesting and be a bit flirty, but get too close (and not even all that close, just friendly) and boom.... frozen out.

It doesn't just happen to me. It happens to other women I know, which has made me finally see that I'm not the problem.

Men who are genuine and who actually care are absolute gems... rare gems... and in your 30s, already taken.

Single men in their 30s are impossible to entertain and please. You could be the most interesting person in the room and they'd still freeze you out.

Self improvement is great, because it makes your own life better.

Won't necessarily help you find a partner though.

But it does make your own life better. Don't do it to get a partner, you'll be disappointed, do it for you.

Self improvement can't happen if you live in a place that discourages those who don't fit the mold.

I don't want a life without a partner.

I think I understand. Back when I was newly-divorced and in my early 30s, there were a lot of other men in the same situation. Many were still bitter about their exes, so they tried to avoid any emotional intimacy -- sexual intimacy was a different story. Sure, they were attracted to 'easy' women, but any self-respecting woman would drive them away. Some such women would expect some form of commitment by the third date, while the men were either interested only in sex, or they wanted to take the time to get to know the woman better -- there seemed to be no middle ground.

I don't know what to tell you other than this: Confident people are attractive (all else being equal). People who are confident in themselves can sense a lack of confidence -- and even desperation -- in others. Developing yourself builds your own confidence. This takes time. I am now 62, and I haven't stopped trying to improve myself, despite having been in situations and among people that made self-improvement seem impossible.

Never give up on yourself.

Thanks. I won't give up. But I'll do it for me, not to please anyone.

I've made some new friends since I moved to the city and that really helps. I have people to spend time with now and I'm not so lonely.

Getting dumped recently by someone who seemed like such a nice guy, only to have him completely ignore me like we were never even friends has made me appreciate my real friends more.

It's scared me. How could someone so nice do a complete 160? Was it all an act? How can you trust anyone?

Boys come and go, but your real friends stick by you.

Don't give up Hurtloam. If you see a nice young man pass you, quick.. Grab him! Ok. Maybe not quite like that! Don't worry. Plenty of nice single men around.

Improvement is not possible for me.

Last edited by Marknis on 17 Jun 2019, 10:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This ^

Feminism and the Red Pill, two opposing movements, inadvertently joined forces and turned the sexes against each other. So today, "women need men like a fish needs a bicycle", men see women as predators out to steal their freedom, and 50% of marriages end in divorce. I'm just glad I'll never get married.

Now, how do the men you meet react when you offer them your friendship? Sincere, platonic friendship, where you respect each other with no intent of becoming a couple (but also no hanky-panky). Does that scare them too, or are they willing to accept you into their lives as a friend?

We're not 5 year olds. You can't go up to someone and say, " do you wanna be my friend"

An ulterior motive is usually assumed as adults because we are sexual creatures.

So even when I try to be friends the fact that I'm single puts them off. They keep me at arms length. I'm assumed to be trying to entrap them.

Women and men do need each other by the way. We are still human.

Maybe I am attractive. Maybe that's what the problem is.

They don't want a relationship... with anyone. They find me attractive, so can't just be friends. They don't want a one night stand because they know I'm relationship material.

Catch22.

I concur.

Correct. By 30, most conventional men would be taken and only socially inexperienced aspies remain.

Well that's a sweeping generalisation. No, it's not only aspies left.

And it's not social inexperience that's the issue. It's the lack of caring about genuine human interaction.

They seem to want something nice and sparkly for a little while, then move on to another shiny thing, then another. No real or deep connections. No getting too close to anyone.

I just think it's a sad way to be. Very hollow.

I just hate how being "distant" in the Bible Belt means you get considered to be gay or a killer in waiting.

Well, strangely enough, even though you're trying to shoehorn something in here, I am sometimes assumed to be gay myself, but usually by older people who can't understand why I'm single. I'm sure my Mum thinks I'm gay.

I've never had a man my age think that I'm gay, well, no one has ever mentioned it to me. It's usually older people who found meeting and ending up with their partner to be easy, so they can't fathom how difficult dating with a relationship as a goal is these days.

I must admit, I have wondered if one or two of the men I've been interested in have been gay, but haven't realised it yet themselves.