27 Jun 2019, 2:22 pm
BenderRodriguez wrote:
^
I know you're joking but I can assure you the OP's attitudes are in no way representative or typical for German people.
I know you're joking but I can assure you the OP's attitudes are in no way representative or typical for German people.
I’m very relieved to hear it since I have some German ancestry. I was worried that an irresistible urge to express such undesirable behaviors would present itself.
I would be very uncomfortable if a guy that I didn’t know purposefully touched me even if it wasn’t intended to be sexual.
OP, you don’t go around touching women you don’t know, right? Or is this behavior, in your eyes, only acceptable for females?
27 Jun 2019, 3:23 pm
Twilightprincess wrote:
What if the guy is gay or asexual? What if he’s married and his wife is right there? What if he’s been abused by a woman and is made uncomfortable by such a forward act? What if he’s religious and is saving such a touch for marriage? All of these are valid reasons why such an act could make someone feel uncomfortable or upset.
Why should any women be this way towards a guy who doesn't even look like a straight guy?
Twilightprincess wrote:
Or has Germany become some sort of sexual fantasyland? I’m expecting a mass exodus to Germany from the males in this forum if that is the case. 
I think it's not as much different to the rest of Europe.
Twilightprincess wrote:
OP, you don’t go around touching women you don’t know, right? Or is this behavior, in your eyes, only acceptable for females?
You are right, I won't.
But it's unproblematic for the girls. At least towards me. 
They aren't this way to all guys of course. It's like everywhere else.
_________________
I am as I am.
Life has to be an adventure!
27 Jun 2019, 3:34 pm
Take your pick and do something about it 
and then tell us about something real 
27 Jun 2019, 3:39 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Show us your pic, Mr. extreme.
My profile pic is me yesterday.
But I'm not into pics of me.
_________________
I am as I am.
Life has to be an adventure!27 Jun 2019, 4:56 pm
27 Jun 2019, 5:42 pm
Twilightprincess wrote:
European ladies, do you all think it’s normal for women to rub their boobs on a random stranger as a way to flirt?
Right question? May be you should ask 'How has a guy to be that you would even rub you boobs on him ...'
But may be you should try to answer this honestly yourself first.
_________________
I am as I am.
Life has to be an adventure!27 Jun 2019, 6:11 pm
28 Jun 2019, 2:01 am
28 Jun 2019, 6:13 am
28 Jun 2019, 8:22 am
28 Jun 2019, 10:02 am
Twilightprincess wrote:
rdos wrote:
Ouch. This never happened to me, and I would find any girl that uses this method to be competely incompatible and undesirable. ND girls that are acting naturally are not like this. They are shy and won't engage in conversation with somebody they desire. They are more likely to engage in prolonged eye contact, and want to take it really slow. Just like any shy ND guy out there, unless he has become desperate and had learnt all this PUA stuff.
Not true, but I wasn’t just speaking about people who are ND. (We aren’t a different species, though!)
Yes, we are different species. That's why we have these troubles in the relationship area.
Twilightprincess wrote:
Lots of people on the spectrum, including myself, are uncomfortable with prolonged eye contact. I would be extremely uncomfortable if a stranger was trying to make prolonged eye contact with me. It’s creepy.
That's just prejudice. There are three issues in this area:
1. NDs look more at those they like and less or not at all at those they dislike.
2. NDs don't use eye contact as a social behavior, and so would be uncomfortable with looking at somebody just because they are talking (and especially if they don't like the person).
3. A lot of NDs have experienced being accused of staring, and as a consequence, will avoid eye contact.
28 Jun 2019, 10:19 am
rdos wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
rdos wrote:
Ouch. This never happened to me, and I would find any girl that uses this method to be competely incompatible and undesirable. ND girls that are acting naturally are not like this. They are shy and won't engage in conversation with somebody they desire. They are more likely to engage in prolonged eye contact, and want to take it really slow. Just like any shy ND guy out there, unless he has become desperate and had learnt all this PUA stuff.
Not true, but I wasn’t just speaking about people who are ND. (We aren’t a different species, though!)
Yes, we are different species. That's why we have these troubles in the relationship area.
Twilightprincess wrote:
Lots of people on the spectrum, including myself, are uncomfortable with prolonged eye contact. I would be extremely uncomfortable if a stranger was trying to make prolonged eye contact with me. It’s creepy.
That's just prejudice. There are three issues in this area:
1. NDs look more at those they like and less or not at all at those they dislike.
2. NDs don't use eye contact as a social behavior, and so would be uncomfortable with looking at somebody just because they are talking (and especially if they don't like the person).
3. A lot of NDs have experienced being accused of staring, and as a consequence, will avoid eye contact.
It’s not prejudice. It makes me and lots of other people uncomfortable.
How do I know whether a person who is staring at me is ND or not?
If a stranger tries to have “prolonged” eye contact with me, I will question that person’s motives. It’s creepy. I’m stressing this point because my reaction is not an unusual one for NT or ND women. (We’re not that dissimilar).
I need to know someone fairly well to have that level of intimacy with him or her.
28 Jun 2019, 11:38 am
Twilightprincess wrote:
rdos wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
rdos wrote:
Ouch. This never happened to me, and I would find any girl that uses this method to be competely incompatible and undesirable. ND girls that are acting naturally are not like this. They are shy and won't engage in conversation with somebody they desire. They are more likely to engage in prolonged eye contact, and want to take it really slow. Just like any shy ND guy out there, unless he has become desperate and had learnt all this PUA stuff.
Not true, but I wasn’t just speaking about people who are ND. (We aren’t a different species, though!)
Yes, we are different species. That's why we have these troubles in the relationship area.
Twilightprincess wrote:
Lots of people on the spectrum, including myself, are uncomfortable with prolonged eye contact. I would be extremely uncomfortable if a stranger was trying to make prolonged eye contact with me. It’s creepy.
That's just prejudice. There are three issues in this area:
1. NDs look more at those they like and less or not at all at those they dislike.
2. NDs don't use eye contact as a social behavior, and so would be uncomfortable with looking at somebody just because they are talking (and especially if they don't like the person).
3. A lot of NDs have experienced being accused of staring, and as a consequence, will avoid eye contact.
It’s not prejudice. It makes me and lots of other people uncomfortable.
How do I know whether a person who is staring at me is ND or not?
If a stranger tries to have “prolonged” eye contact with me, I will question that person’s motives. It’s creepy. I’m stressing this point because my reaction is not an unusual one for NT or ND women. (We’re not that dissimilar).
I need to know someone fairly well to have that level of intimacy with him or her.
The three points all are linked to being ND, and so you would need some better way to dismiss it than "it doesn't work that way for me".
Still, the main issue is that NDs will not naturally try to meet somebody with conversation & smiling as you claimed to be an human universal. You should know the many ND guys that have tried to force themselves to go up and talk to girls they find interesting (and often failing to do it), and how this is a major problem for ND guys. Similarly, I know quite a few shy ND girls that don't find this comfortable either and would simply go into selective mutism if a guy they fancy tries to chat up on them like that.
28 Jun 2019, 1:15 pm
Twilightprincess wrote:
Women who are looking for relationships express interest through talking while using subtle nonverbal cues like smiling, looking into someone’s eyes, playing with their hair, and laughing at the guys dumb jokes. Occasionally, a girl might touch him on the arm or shoulder with her hand, but a girl who’s looking for a relationship (not just sex) doesn’t go much farther than that, especially with a stranger (even if the girl finds him incredibly desirable for whatever reason)!
Sounds somehow rather like a perversion instead of feeling love or attraction. Whats the great thing with that? Laughing in a dishonest way of some guys dumb jokes? Sound really totally fun.
I'm afraid that the real problem is that you are so much in copying that you dismiss the real point and what's up with flirting and the related emotions. NT women are into that because small talk and dumb jokes don't mean anything beside of their feelings which you don't even realize. If women grab their hair its an emotional thing that causes the guys emotions too. Only looking into the eyes may cause people on the spectrum related feelings. If women are rubbing their breast or hips on me it's also just an emotional thing. It the reaction of liking me already before and enjoying me being interested. Only very few women do this in really rare situations without that I'm looking at them.
_________________
I am as I am.
Life has to be an adventure!28 Jun 2019, 1:34 pm
quite an extreme wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Women who are looking for relationships express interest through talking while using subtle nonverbal cues like smiling, looking into someone’s eyes, playing with their hair, and laughing at the guys dumb jokes. Occasionally, a girl might touch him on the arm or shoulder with her hand, but a girl who’s looking for a relationship (not just sex) doesn’t go much farther than that, especially with a stranger (even if the girl finds him incredibly desirable for whatever reason)!
Sounds somehow rather like a perversion instead of feeling love or attraction. Whats the great thing with that? Laughing in a dishonest way of some guys dumb jokes? Sound really totally fun.
I'm afraid that the real problem is that you are so much in copying that you dismiss the real point and what's up with flirting and the related emotions. NT women are into that because small talk and dumb jokes don't mean anything beside of their feelings which you don't even realize. If women grab their hair its an emotional thing that causes the guys emotions too. Only looking into the eyes may cause people on the spectrum related feelings. If women are rubbing their breast or hips on me it's also just an emotional thing. It the reaction of liking me already before and enjoying me being interested. Only very few women do this in really rare situations without that I'm looking at them.
If a woman actually rubbed her breasts or hips on you (which I strongly doubt), it wouldn’t be expressing any other emotion besides sexual desire.
Women (NT or ND) who are expressing real interest would do so by engaging you in conversation which would initially consist of small talk.
Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 28 Jun 2019, 1:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
28 Jun 2019, 1:53 pm
quite an extreme wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
Women who are looking for relationships express interest through talking while using subtle nonverbal cues like smiling, looking into someone’s eyes, playing with their hair, and laughing at the guys dumb jokes. Occasionally, a girl might touch him on the arm or shoulder with her hand, but a girl who’s looking for a relationship (not just sex) doesn’t go much farther than that, especially with a stranger (even if the girl finds him incredibly desirable for whatever reason)!
Sounds somehow rather like a perversion instead of feeling love or attraction. Whats the great thing with that? Laughing in a dishonest way of some guys dumb jokes? Sound really totally fun.
I'm afraid that the real problem is that you are so much in copying that you dismiss the real point and what's up with flirting and the related emotions. NT women are into that because small talk and dumb jokes don't mean anything beside of their feelings which you don't even realize. If women grab their hair its an emotional thing that causes the guys emotions too. Only looking into the eyes may cause people on the spectrum related feelings. If women are rubbing their breast or hips on me it's also just an emotional thing. It the reaction of liking me already before and enjoying me being interested. Only very few women do this in really rare situations without that I'm looking at them.
You are pretty spot on with this. The conversion, smiling & fake laughing at jokes is just innate NT stuff, and has no (natural) meaning for NDs. If you learn this sh*t, you might get some attention from NTs, but any potential relationships will be sub-optimal.
The eye contact things is the only morally acceptable way NDs can connect, but it is certainly not the "real" way it happens. The real way is sexual, and the reason quite a few NDs of both genders are hypersexual. Thus, I think you are onto the right path.
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