Statistics that makes me enraged

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Yep, by the time you’re in your mid-thirties, life is almost over and it’s impossible to find love.

I’m obviously teasing, but you need to realize how bizarre that type of thinking is.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 03 Dec 2019, 2:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Maybe you should find a different therapist and perhaps go in there with a plan. Be upfront about what you want to work on (socialization skills and finding a partner). That’ll keep therapy sessions from going off-track.

Maybe think about exactly what you want to say ahead of time so you’re less likely to stray from what’s important.

He or she should also give you homework which would help the skills transfer over.

I do both of these things, but it still doesn't help.



That happened exactly once -- four years ago -- and it was the only time it helped. So the therapist told me that my problem is that I speak both too loud and too fast -- and he gave me "homework" that next time I go to caffeteria I speak quieter and slower. I did, and, amaizingly enough, the conversation lasted for three minutes -- which isn't a lot for most people, but its much longer than what I would ever have.

I am not sure how much of it was luck. Because the cashier started a conversation first; if she didn't, I wouldn't have had an opportunity to do this "homework". But if I think harder maybe its not luck. I mean, I am sure when I come to cashier I say "hi" (at least in response to her "hi"). So maybe my saying hi loud and fast is the reason why cashiers don't say anything more -- and since I said it slower and quieter this time, that made her want to talk to me.

But if thats the case, this invalidates your whole suggestion of trying to initiate conversations. Why should I initiate I conversations if the issue is that people simply don't want to talk to me since they don't like my voice?

Speaking of my voice, it takes physical effort to speak slower and quieter. What I found is that, when I do this, my tongue gets tired within half a minute. So maybe its how my mouth muscles operate? So that too feels unfair that I am being judged by something like voice which I can't control.

Please don’t do that to me.

I’ve read horrifying stories from guys who are older than me and they never got girlfriends. How is it bizarre to worry about my fading years? I can’t even get a coffee date and I am 31 years old. I should at least be in a long term relationship or engaged by now. I hate how every year starts with me feeling depressed about my singlehood, my attempts to change things or try new things fail, and the year ends with me still being single. I hate it so much. Not only are all of my siblings married and have their own families, even my cousins who I knew since they were babies are getting married and having children of their own. It’s not bizarre to feel depressed about these things.

You are in your prime. Not your “fading years.” lol

How can I be in my prime when I can’t even get a coffee date? I am at the age I should have at least a long term girlfriend but I can’t even get a f*****g simple coffee date. I am also told I look ugly compared to how I was when I was 17.

When was the last time you asked someone to go on a coffee date?

What does asking a person out for coffee have to do with one’s biological age?

I'm not sure whether this was directed at me or not, but I'll reply as though it was.

I don't know how or where to find opportunities to socialise with like-minded women. If I did, I'd give them a try.

I do have friends, which is largely why making friends isn't a priority of mine. All my close friends are male though.

I'm not currently going all out to pursue a relationship, and I am focusing on improving other areas of my life. I've lost 45 pounds since July and my BMI is almost out of the obese range. That doesn't mean that the desire to have a girlfriend goes away, or that I stop thinking about it entirely.

I understand it's not overly likely that I'm going to find someone at this point, but given how few women I'm meeting, and how I don't leave my house all that often, I'm not sure that I'm even giving myself a fighting chance.

Twilight princess, I can't seem to find where you wrote that message he quoted. Why did you delete it?

Secend post on page 5.

Okay thanks

I met a woman at the adventist chruch I am going to -- and she knows me from the adventist group on campus we both went to over a decade ago at a totally different state -- so she was really excited to see me. She got married between then and now. But one thing I am wondering about is this: how come she never asked me about my relationship status? Since she was so excited to see me, wouldn't she want to know the updates from my life? Well, the answer is I am single; but she could have asked. Is she assuming I am undatable? That, plus also when I volunteered information about my past relationships she seemed to change the subject, which feels as if she thinks those are imaginary girlfriends since I am undatable.

Now, the reason I brought her up is this. You mentioned friends setting friends up. Well, if she didn't think I was undatable, don't you think she might try to set me up? But no, she didn't. So apparently its because she thinks I am undatable. And the same might apply to other potential friends I might have.



And this is something I been agonizing about as well, which is also something that I find super unfair.

But now, wouldn't potential *friends* wonder about it too? If so, that seems like catch 22. Since I am friendless as of now, potential friends wonder why, so I remain friendless, so potential friends again wonder why, etc. I wish someone could break the circle.

And, incidentally, if I had friends yet didn't have a relationship, wouldn't people wonder why as well? For example, would this make them suspect I am gay?

QTF, Markinis

Question(s) for both of you.

Were you ever told growing up to be yourself, not to care what others think, be nice, don't judge a book by it's cover and things like this?

It wasn’t directed at you.

Losing 45 pounds is awesome!

Working on self improvement is very proactive. If you could find social opportunities, that’d be even better. Are there any groups at your local library you could join? Are there any classes you could take where you’d be likely to meet people, perhaps any centered around fitness or another type of activity you’d be interested in?

I’ve noticed that you tend to assume that people have bad motives. You might need to keep an eye on that because that can be very off-putting.

Sometimes people don’t ask others about their relationship status because they know that it can be an upsetting topic for people to talk about (because of still being single or maybe just having a painful breakup). She might have thought that if you wanted to talk about it you’d tell her. She was probably being tactful by not asking you.

Stop overthinking every minute detail. You just need to put yourself out there and try something new if you want things to change. Trying is better than not trying. Worrying and doing nothing is a pointless waste of time.

People aren’t going to assume you’re gay unless you have a boyfriend, are talking about attending Pride events, and doing other activities like that. Don’t worry about it.

It was back in 2017. I thought the year would be a fresh start since I was going back to college for the first time in years and I had someone on this forum (Alliekit) cheering me on but my hopes were dashed.

I meant that because I missed out on so many milestones in my developmental years that my remaining years are set in stone.