Just avoiding the subject here.

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cberg
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21 Jan 2020, 6:48 pm

All I'm really doing is looking for enough modern survival skills to get by on my own until I'm back in touch with more of humanity. I don't trust myself with new relationships until I can make the most of my social awkwardness among old friends.

That's to say I'd rather not be a total loner regarding anyone I know before I feel like a relationship makes sense at all.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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22 Jan 2020, 2:31 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
What I used to do as a kid:

Just play the sport to win. Don't talk to anybody. (even though I sucked at sports LOL).

My solution these days:

Don't go to parties too often. I've never gotten why parties are so thrilling for people. If it's just because they're around other people, then that's not reason enough for me.

Do what you enjoy. Other people enjoy what you do. You can talk about what you and others have in common: off-roading, computers, or whatever else you all are interested in.

If you motivated because you're talking about what you're interested in, other people, including women, will be motivated to hang out with you.



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cberg
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22 Jan 2020, 12:53 pm

Some days I wish I were better at beer pong. :lol: :oops: :|


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that1weirdgrrrl
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22 Jan 2020, 3:30 pm

But ..... do you really want a girl who's stupid?


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cberg
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22 Jan 2020, 9:10 pm

I guess I just meant that I wish I had the wherewithal to see social life as a game the way other people do.

It's like everyone's keeping scores on everything everyone does & I've been disqualified my entire life.

I don't even really appreciate being alive today. I'm deathly sick of being a joke socially. There's nothing else to it.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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23 Jan 2020, 3:32 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Mountain Goat wrote:
You're still quite young!

Mind you, at your age you are in the position that I was. It was as if most of the young ladies wanted the tough guys or the experienced guys... But then when one gets in ones late 30's to 40's, those ladies have been there and down that and mde their mistakes, and want to settle down with a nice sensiblw man. Is like they have learnt the lessons from their youth and want to make ammends... And sensible guys then start to be in high demand as there are so few singlw ones available.
But the inbetween stage is the difficult stage. I was 35 before I had my first girlfriend. Prior to this I was usually told I was too nice or too sensible... Usual stuff. Young girls just wanted the tough guys with bad reputations. (Boy did many of them later wish they hadn't! Haha!).
What I will say is to keep your eyes open andnot give up hope, but don't worry too much if you don't find a girl. The older you are, the more of a good catch you will get to be, and the more you will be in demand!

I can't speak for cberg, but (going with the concept you've laid out here) the idea of waiting until my mid 30s and beyond to meet someone who's just now that their biological clock is ticking decided to settle down (perhaps looking for a provider) and take things a little more seriously after spending their 20s having their casual, hedonistic fun with tough guys, experienced guys and bad boys while I as a consequence of this trend spent them lonely and in complete romantic isolation... Not good enough. I'm not the stable option to fall back on after they've had their fun with everyone else.


Aka handsome and hot guys.



cberg
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23 Jan 2020, 9:46 am

If I'm honest, the misandry that's so pervasive now is creeping me the hell out. It's quite clear I've been objectified & shunned.

I don't want to be a part of this culture. It's not mandatory that I participate in toxic BS to keep my social life.


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auntblabby
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23 Jan 2020, 9:38 pm

i believe if the OP could concentrate on optimally monetizing his various talents, he will find a measure of peace in the land of financial independence. it is harder to be a social outlier when one is poor, than if one is at least securely middle class.



cberg
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24 Jan 2020, 12:21 am

Financial independence is great & all but I was isolated this way long before. :oops:


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auntblabby
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24 Jan 2020, 12:25 am

cberg wrote:
Financial independence is great & all but I was isolated this way long before. :oops:

sorry, i guess the point i was trying to make, was that it is a lot worse being an outlier and poor. poverty makes everything worse but especially the sense of belonging to society. it is like always being on the inside of an economic prison looking out at the free people walking about carefree.



cberg
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24 Jan 2020, 5:48 pm

I think I'm totally oblivious to the real criteria I'm being judged upon. I'm not rich & I'm not poor anymore, my work is very advanced although I'm not sure how to sustain my pace professionally.

Burnout is another prison, much like impostor syndrome. 8O


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cberg
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25 Jan 2020, 6:57 pm

American dating culture these days basically just says I should give up unless I give up all my information to a bunch of sketchy websites.

It's not even about looks or money as much as it's about texting & judging people via technology without consulting tech consultants. :(

Technology can't tell us anything about a person. It's only storage & displays of information.


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25 Jan 2020, 7:58 pm

What is preventing you from re-establishing connections with the friends you do have?

I see no reason why you can't seek new connections before or concurrently with longer connections.

What few connections I made, mostly in graduate school, were immense in proportion to what I meant to them. I realized this when tools like linkedin became available. I was a blip in their lives. To me, they are treasured connections that I keep near my heart, even if long stored.


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cberg
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27 Jan 2020, 11:09 am

I just feel like I fail to speak the same language people want me to. Being out of touch with so many people makes me feel uninformed about who I am regarding anyone I may meet.

I'm less & less sure of my social footing by the day basically.


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cberg
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27 Jan 2020, 10:09 pm

I'm thinking the problem feels like something TechStepGeneration was describing in another thread:

https://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=384331

People have been regarding life as a brutally cutthroat zero sum game for quite some time. Those of us who don't keep the macho act up like it's our religious duty get treated as social collateral damage & nothing more. Men are held to just as many miserable social norms as women, sometimes more, on pain of total alienation. There's zero recourse for a guy like myself to express emotions without consequences these days.


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cberg
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28 Jan 2020, 12:38 pm

Admittedly I'm more comfortable than I'd like to be with isolation but that's why I made this thread, I'm not really content being stuck forever. I'm trying to avoid rash actions & autistic screwups, not life altogether. It's an abundance of caution, not paralysis.


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"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
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