Possible ways to help many autistic people find love?

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Only once did somebody tried to “fix me up” with someone.

I was totally on my own as a younger person.

I was an “outsider.”

If my replies ever bother you let me know.

I will say, a promotion is not something that is always good.

I will say for myself, I do go on past behavior with people I deal with. But I don’t make it absolute if that makes sense.

I look at it as if the past IS the past. But also, as far as people go, very few make major changes (like they claim). So past behavior is something to consider. But again, it should not be absolute in most cases.

I think you’re a great guy!

I was speaking, mostly, about bad things, or people judging them harshly, that have happened to individual people.

Sometimes, people reflect upon bullying that happened in high school and not happening presently 20 years later—like it’s happening presently or will inevitably happen in the future—hence, these people feel less than themselves despite the evidence to the contrary.

I agree with you, College Anon, that one should be cautious with people who claimed they have “changed”—yet have screwed with you in the past,

A dating site of this type has been created. It's called Bumble. It is also useless. Sorry to burst your bubble, but with Asperger's and at 62, I'm sure you're used to it by now. Inescapable reality.

I know your idea is good IN THEORY - but in the real world, social practice always tears theory down, sometimes invalidating it with extreme prejudice.

Having said that, we do need a stronger AS "community" - although we are known for becoming locked up in endless unresolved debates within that community.

I have said this before - a male single Aspie is best paired with an empathetic compassionate NT woman. Despite the potential for conflict (a very real concern, from personal experience) it has more chance for resolution.

What about a female single Aspie?

What are they best paired with?

I will write about stuff that happened in the past because I find it interesting and I do like to tell stories about my past. I feel it can give context, and maybe help others. But I try to not have excessive regrets about the past.

And as for my current situation with my neighbors...I am obviously kinda fixated and until I am out I am not letting my guard down.

These people have some mental issues (I don’t know in detail what they are) and drug use. I have no idea what substances were used in the past and what (if anything) is being used now.

But obviously their behavior has affected me by my apartment being broken into seconds after hearing gun shots. So I am aware it could affect me adversely again.

That’s why I have been telling my social workers to get me out.

And I have found info on these people. And it’s not exactly good.

But the good news is...there is high potential that they will cause themselves more problems and thus take care of themselves. Maybe I will be able to stay in my apartment, but I am exploring all options.

If you want, I can PM you about this. one of my special interests is psychiatry so.....this is it up close for me. Everyone in this building is considered disabled. But it’s not exactly a supported apartment. It’s a very weird situation.

I kinda know what you mean. I have various mental & physical disabilities that are unrelated to my autism that majorly limit me in various ways including getting romantic relationships. I posted about things a lot on here & on other forums & I know I did fit the general profile for Perpetual Butt-Monkey. In some ways I tried lots of things but in other ways I barely tried anything. I did not know how to apply a lot of the advice & suggestions I received. I would get told to do things but I was NOT getting told HOW to do them. I'm an Aspie who's very OCDish sometimes & I can be a good strategist sometimes but I need to know the various details involved in making things happen. Simply being told that I needed to get a job & be more independent without being told any steps to make it happen gets me nowhere. This has been a problem throughout my life. People assume I'm too smart not to understand something or not know how to do something or they assume I'm too ret*d to understand & incapable of doing something. One of the major things that eventually worked for me with getting a romantic relationship was not having many requirements or dealbreakers. Sure there were lots of things I woulda liked in a partner but ultimately I needed someone who was willing to give me a real chance & would also try to make a relationship work with me so I felt it was hypocritical for me to have a laundry list of requirements when I knew I could never measure up. I also sought out women that others would of been turned off by or written off for various reasons. My girlfriend has various issues & problems & they can clash with mine sometimes & things can play off each other which can make things very difficult sometimes. However we both accept that there is no such thing as a perfect partner or perfect relationship, our ideal of perfection would be considered imperfection by others. Ultmatitely I have somebody who really loves me, appreciates me, & tries to understand me & I really love her, appreciate her, & try to understand her. That's a hell of a lot better than being single for either of us.

No one can anyone else to find someone / to become attractive, and this 1-year old thread is a live proof of this.

Words of Wisdom!

This is one of those subject that transcends years. It is a question lingering in the back of the mind of many Aspies. We seek a how to YouTube video to learn why we are failing. But no such video exists.

I feel sad for anyone who lets YouTube do their thinking for them.

Someone tried that once and wrecked my life.

Back in my single days, when someone tried to "fix me up" it was usually with a woman whom most reasonable men would consider unattractive -- not just plain, not just ordinary, but someone whom I would not have approached for a date even if I was staggeringly drunk at closing time and she was the only woman left in the bar.

"Beggars can't be choosers", is what my friends and relatives would say to me.

"Who you calling a 'beggar', her or me?" ... they would never answer that question.

I believe that the kind of person with whom others will fix you up is a strong indication of what those others really think of you.

Forgive me for being blunt. But you make it sound like both of you settled for the other, and neither of you would've considered the other if you weren't both desperate.

I feel that when I refuse to date a 1 or 2, other people infer from that that I only want to date 10s.

I believe I should have standards, but not a long list of unreasonable ones. For instance, I won't date someone who smokes or takes religion too seriously. I have an above average IQ and I would require the same of a partner, and we would have to have enough in common intellectually to make me find her engaging and stimulating. And while she doesn't have to look like a super model, I do need to feel physically attracted to her. I remember years ago that someone at work told me that one of my coworkers liked me. When I found out who she was, it was someone that I had never felt any attraction toward or even thought of as anyone I could potentially be interested prior. And I decided if I wasn't interested before I shouldn't be now.

I settled for my ex-fiancé, even though I never found her attractive. It was a horrible experience and I refuse to ever do it again.

I did not choose to have ASD. I was never given the option of a life without ASD. My ASD does not make lesser or inferior. And therefore I shouldn't have to lower my standards below those of everyone else.

I reject your mentality of "beggars can't be choosers."

I get what you're saying. It's frustrating when people infer that just because you want to date someone you're attracted to.

But in saying that, you've mentioned that you're morbidly obese. What 'rating' would you give yourself? Because honestly, I can't imagine most morbidly obese people being above a 3 whilst morbidly obese.

Would you be willing to date a morbidly obese woman? Do most or some morbidly obese women you've seen tick your checklist off in terms of looks?

If not, why would you think that a woman at a healthier weight would be any quicker to settle for you than you would be to settle for another morbidly obese person?

I understand feeling like you shouldn't have to lower your standards a great deal because you were born with a condition that you didn't choose to be born with, but you do choose your dietary and exercise habits, so unless you have some kind of medical condition, whether or not you're obese is something you have control over.