07 Dec 2020, 7:57 am
Rexi
Veteran
Joined: 3 Sep 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,388
Location: "I know there's nothing we can do. But my heart can't accept it." "If this is real, then I want to change the future."
07 Dec 2020, 2:11 pm
Clueless2017 wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
Maybe we don't choose who we fall in love with but you can choose how you act upon those feelings.
I think "we can't help who we fall in love with!" is sometimes used as an excuse for inappropriate relationships.
I think "we can't help who we fall in love with!" is sometimes used as an excuse for inappropriate relationships.
There is love,
And then there is infatuation, obsession, limerence.
Love is a choice.
It is a commitment to allow the "luv mechanism" to begin, consciously and subconsciously.
... ... ...
I knew you would say the above-mentioned...Because of your logical mind as an INTJ...Not that you don't have feelings...You just don't let these control you...So, you have more control over who you fall for...SMART!! !
Everyone has control over themselves but not everyone believes in it. Even with my extreme emotional states, I can take action. It's all about planning, working, wanting and most importantly believing.
I have chosen to fall in love with someone I have seen as a friend who wasn't attractive.
I also think that there's a hard to notice difference, a fine line between being attracted to someone and very excited to be with them but disliking the things they believe in, they do and they like. It's like liking to be with them a lot but actually not liking who they are beyond really liking them and their presence. Being with someone you don't want to but enjoy.
07 Dec 2020, 9:02 pm
Pepe wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Steffipanda wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
Steffipanda wrote:
We do not choose who we fall in love with. I have never consciously looked at someone and thought I will fall in love them. We choose who we pursue and date but not who we fall in love with.
... ... ...
This has been my experience, also...I must agree...Maybe, we both base our decisions on FEELING and not LOGIC...While others may differ, basing their decisions on LOGIC not FEELING...So this last group, unlike you and i, may have more control over who they 'choose' to love...
Love is a feeling that happens with time and connection and chemistry and commitment. I use logic to decide who to pursue and date. I need similar interests and values and intelligence and views on life to even begin to be interested in someone. Logic to find possibility of love. But love happens without choice as it is a feeling first then an action. Does that make sense?
I agree with this too. I've met some men who are very logical choices for me, we have similar interests and goals, but we just didn't click. There was nothing more than mere acquaintanceship, no friendship even grew, no matter how many times we interacted or spent time around each other.
It can't just be a logical choice. There are other factors.
I think it's funny how people find that love "just happens" for them. Nothing at all ever happens for me.
I have had feelings for men, but never reciprocated. I'm not a stone. I had feelings. But nowt ever grows.
... ... ...
This was my case as well...Aside from my first young love in my teens...Later, my attempts at love failed grossly...Time and again...To be specific three times...To the extent that i concluded that the man for me did not exist!! !...Still, i believed in love, that i 'happens' to others...And that it would not ever 'happen' to me...Suffice to say, i am elated that i was wrong in my conclusion...Best wishes to you while you wait for love to 'happen' to you...
"Romantic luv" has been "designed" by evolution, for the porpoise of reproducing. [squeak]
If you are an oxytocin junky, outside of the reproduction age range, that is up to you, but you aren't doing it "right".
Romantic luv is called "The Madness" for a good reason.
Platonic luv can be as powerful as romantic luv, and in my mind, a "greater" experience, since it incorporates the intellect more so than the emotional component.
I'd rather rationality be in control than unruly, undisciplined emotionalism.
... ... ...
Why can we have it all???...I mean the physical attraction/chemistry/romantic love + love based on principles, rational (what i call the meeting of the minds) + fraternal love/family love...If one form of love is lacking in the relationship at any given moment, then the relationship may still survive with the other forms of love...Am i making any sense???...
As to my beloved (Aspie) husband and i, until we were married--finally living together--we became friends...Initially, we were attracted to each other physically, just like two teenagers in love...Thankfully, at the same time, we could see qualities in each other that made us good prospects...So far, I think we are good for each other...Now married, the initial attraction is been replaced by something deeper and more lasting...And in recent times, we are becoming close friends also...We feel the love for one another...We see each other in our future...I suppose that as any and every marriage, WE ARE A WORK IN PROGRESS
Post Script: As to platonic love...BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN is and always will be my platonic love ..I discovered him at age 13 before he became famous...The best story-teller of all times, according to me...
Last edited by Clueless2017 on 07 Dec 2020, 9:53 pm, edited 3 times in total.
07 Dec 2020, 9:11 pm
Pepe wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
Pepe wrote:
On some level, we choose, otherwise we would be marrying emus, kangaroos and koalas.
... ... ...
LOL
...Or fish and skunks... Feel free to dump you gorgeous human husband for a skunk, any time you wish, but don't expect me to PM you with the request.
... ... ...
You are hilarious
Some people feel that way.
Some people don't get me.
Some people have a problem with my style, but it isn't common.
I am glad, for your sake, that you can appreciate my brilliance.
... ... ...
You are BRILLIANT, indeed :idea:
...And i don't use this word lightly...You remind of my best male friend (before my husband)...He is INTJ like you though not Aspie...Ironically, i do not consider my husband my best friend...(My mother is)...I need to experience a meeting of the minds in order to consider someone my best friend...And that has only happened two or three times in my lifetime... I hope you realise I am using "satire".
I enjoy the absurdity of strutting around like an intellectual peacock.
There is a secondary benefit in joking around as I do.
That involves self-induced positive thinking programming.
... ... ...
But of course, i understand your "satire"! !!...That's what makes you brilliant...
07 Dec 2020, 9:26 pm
Pepe wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
... ... ...
Great insight...I agree completely...100%...
Post Script: I was so naive that i actually had a list of requirements...Like a check list...Yet, when i met my husband that list was totally obsolete!! !...And i broke my own rules...This is why i insist that there are many factors out of our control when falling in love...Maybe this is what the phrase itself means "to fall in love"...Because nobody in their right mind chooses to fall...
Great insight...I agree completely...100%...
Post Script: I was so naive that i actually had a list of requirements...Like a check list...Yet, when i met my husband that list was totally obsolete!! !...And i broke my own rules...This is why i insist that there are many factors out of our control when falling in love...Maybe this is what the phrase itself means "to fall in love"...Because nobody in their right mind chooses to fall...
I hope you aren't making the assumption that everyone thinks the way you do.
Consider, this is overwhelmingly a community of autistic people.
Yes, there are many factors involved in forming a relationship, but you have to consider the element of "experience" also.
The first time I fell in love, I had no way of knowing what was happening to me, since it was all new.
I had no defences.
As a result, there was little control/choice, for me, in any case, but later I was in a position where I could be more discriminating and have a better ability to manage these feelings.
They call "Puppy Luv", puppy luv for a reason.
I believe we are *not* discussing that.
Or are we?
... ... ...
On various occasions, when in my adult years of singleness, i experienced a strong mutual attraction, obvious to anyone close by, to incredibly attractive men...(I have witnesses)...Examples, at the local fair, at a Starbucks, at a grocery store, even when stopped by a cop
...And invariably, i walked-away...Those men did not stand a chance with me...I never dated a stranger...I often tell my beloved (Aspie) husband that had i passed him on a sidewalk, as attractive as i may have found him to be, he would have had no chance with me under those circumstances..Thankfully, we met at a place of worship, both volunteering for the same cause, surrounded by mutual friends...So, that in and of itself said a lot about him...That he has a spiritual inclination...That he is a humanitarian...And that he is good-hearted...So, there was a foundation, a common ground, on which we could build something more lasting than physical attraction...Am i making sense???...So technically speaking, it felt like puppy love, but with the benefit of having some life experience from both sides...
07 Dec 2020, 9:39 pm
hurtloam wrote:
Ah ha! Then I agree with you.
You know what's not a good situation. Puppy love with someone who doesn't want to be with you, but who does like you generally and is a romantic and never lets the ember die and you keep having to set boundaries with them and they with you. It was a bit like a fire that we didn't really want, but was nice and warm all the same, so it was nice to keep it going.
That wasn't fun. I've no idea what we were doing. I was too young to figure out how to control these stupid chemicals and he was too nice to tell me to go away. These days, there is no way I would let that situation unfold.
I check in with him every-now and then just to make sure he's still alive and doing ok, but I'm still annoyed about how it all went down.
That was limerance for sure.
You know what's not a good situation. Puppy love with someone who doesn't want to be with you, but who does like you generally and is a romantic and never lets the ember die and you keep having to set boundaries with them and they with you. It was a bit like a fire that we didn't really want, but was nice and warm all the same, so it was nice to keep it going.
That wasn't fun. I've no idea what we were doing. I was too young to figure out how to control these stupid chemicals and he was too nice to tell me to go away. These days, there is no way I would let that situation unfold.
I check in with him every-now and then just to make sure he's still alive and doing ok, but I'm still annoyed about how it all went down.
That was limerance for sure.
... ... ...
I have personally never found myself in a situation as such, wherein i like someone; but he only enjoys the attention without the commitment...That is not fair for he or she who desires more than a friendship...We should never allow that to happen to us!! !...
07 Dec 2020, 9:46 pm
Rexi wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
Maybe we don't choose who we fall in love with but you can choose how you act upon those feelings.
I think "we can't help who we fall in love with!" is sometimes used as an excuse for inappropriate relationships.
I think "we can't help who we fall in love with!" is sometimes used as an excuse for inappropriate relationships.
There is love,
And then there is infatuation, obsession, limerence.
Love is a choice.
It is a commitment to allow the "luv mechanism" to begin, consciously and subconsciously.
... ... ...
I knew you would say the above-mentioned...Because of your logical mind as an INTJ...Not that you don't have feelings...You just don't let these control you...So, you have more control over who you fall for...SMART!! !
Everyone has control over themselves but not everyone believes in it. Even with my extreme emotional states, I can take action. It's all about planning, working, wanting and most importantly believing.
I have chosen to fall in love with someone I have seen as a friend who wasn't attractive.
I also think that there's a hard to notice difference, a fine line between being attracted to someone and very excited to be with them but disliking the things they believe in, they do and they like. It's like liking to be with them a lot but actually not liking who they are beyond really liking them and their presence. Being with someone you don't want to but enjoy.
... ... ...
Please correct me if i am wrong...But, what you are describing above sounds like infatuation...You like how you feel when he is around...Or, you like how he makes you feel...But, you don't really like him as a person...That, my dear, is a bad case of infatuation...
Post Script: I am so glad you are over that...
Rexi
Veteran
Joined: 3 Sep 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,388
Location: "I know there's nothing we can do. But my heart can't accept it." "If this is real, then I want to change the future."
07 Dec 2020, 10:29 pm
Clueless2017 wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
Maybe we don't choose who we fall in love with but you can choose how you act upon those feelings.
I think "we can't help who we fall in love with!" is sometimes used as an excuse for inappropriate relationships.
I think "we can't help who we fall in love with!" is sometimes used as an excuse for inappropriate relationships.
There is love,
And then there is infatuation, obsession, limerence.
Love is a choice.
It is a commitment to allow the "luv mechanism" to begin, consciously and subconsciously.
... ... ...
I knew you would say the above-mentioned...Because of your logical mind as an INTJ...Not that you don't have feelings...You just don't let these control you...So, you have more control over who you fall for...SMART!! !
Everyone has control over themselves but not everyone believes in it. Even with my extreme emotional states, I can take action. It's all about planning, working, wanting and most importantly believing.
I have chosen to fall in love with someone I have seen as a friend who wasn't attractive.
I also think that there's a hard to notice difference, a fine line between being attracted to someone and very excited to be with them but disliking the things they believe in, they do and they like. It's like liking to be with them a lot but actually not liking who they are beyond really liking them and their presence. Being with someone you don't want to but enjoy.
... ... ...
Please correct me if i am wrong...But, what you are describing above sounds like infatuation...You like how you feel when he is around...Or, you like how he makes you feel...But, you don't really like him as a person...That, my dear, is a bad case of infatuation...
Post Script: I am so glad you are over that...
More or less
I don't like how they behave which makes me feel extreme stress, anxiety, paranoia and fear yet Im very attached to them and their qualities are addicting. I also really care about their image, well being and path, so it hurts to see them be like that. I try to love and accept them, but it's not easy, and it has very few chances to switch towards natural if I don't think highly of them. It depends on how they treat me and others mainly, if they aren't nice it's horrible to live with them but I don't focus on it, I focus on the good feelings so I think in a way I fool my brain it's a good and happy and dedicated relationship and im super satisfied which i often get that feeling unconditionally
Toxic complications and perhaps both involved are the reason for the result. Both seem to try, but in the wrong direction, and unhealthy behavior starts on their side, and less caring, as I try to make up for it with more efforts but equalizing doesn't work with both sides being out of balance
07 Dec 2020, 10:34 pm
Rexi wrote:
I also think that there's a hard to notice difference, a fine line between being attracted to someone and very excited to be with them but disliking the things they believe in, they do and they like. It's like liking to be with them a lot but actually not liking who they are beyond really liking them and their presence. Being with someone you don't want to but enjoy.
This sounds rather odd, to me.
Give me a couple of years to think about that one.
You aren't talking about "lust", are you?
07 Dec 2020, 10:45 pm
Clueless2017 wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Steffipanda wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
Steffipanda wrote:
We do not choose who we fall in love with. I have never consciously looked at someone and thought I will fall in love them. We choose who we pursue and date but not who we fall in love with.
... ... ...
This has been my experience, also...I must agree...Maybe, we both base our decisions on FEELING and not LOGIC...While others may differ, basing their decisions on LOGIC not FEELING...So this last group, unlike you and i, may have more control over who they 'choose' to love...
Love is a feeling that happens with time and connection and chemistry and commitment. I use logic to decide who to pursue and date. I need similar interests and values and intelligence and views on life to even begin to be interested in someone. Logic to find possibility of love. But love happens without choice as it is a feeling first then an action. Does that make sense?
I agree with this too. I've met some men who are very logical choices for me, we have similar interests and goals, but we just didn't click. There was nothing more than mere acquaintanceship, no friendship even grew, no matter how many times we interacted or spent time around each other.
It can't just be a logical choice. There are other factors.
I think it's funny how people find that love "just happens" for them. Nothing at all ever happens for me.
I have had feelings for men, but never reciprocated. I'm not a stone. I had feelings. But nowt ever grows.
... ... ...
This was my case as well...Aside from my first young love in my teens...Later, my attempts at love failed grossly...Time and again...To be specific three times...To the extent that i concluded that the man for me did not exist!! !...Still, i believed in love, that i 'happens' to others...And that it would not ever 'happen' to me...Suffice to say, i am elated that i was wrong in my conclusion...Best wishes to you while you wait for love to 'happen' to you...
"Romantic luv" has been "designed" by evolution, for the porpoise of reproducing. [squeak]
If you are an oxytocin junky, outside of the reproduction age range, that is up to you, but you aren't doing it "right".
Romantic luv is called "The Madness" for a good reason.
Platonic luv can be as powerful as romantic luv, and in my mind, a "greater" experience, since it incorporates the intellect more so than the emotional component.
I'd rather rationality be in control than unruly, undisciplined emotionalism.
... ... ...
Why can we have it all???...
Because people in romantic luv do stupid emotional things, d'uh.
It is "The Madness".
Aren't you paying attention?
Clueless2017 wrote:
I mean the physical attraction/chemistry/romantic love + love based on principles, rational (what i call the meeting of the minds) + fraternal love/family love...If one form of love is lacking in the relationship at any given moment, then the relationship may still survive with the other forms of love...Am i making any sense???...
I am talking about "Romantic Luv".
It is silly.
People should stop doing it.
Clueless2017 wrote:
As to my beloved (Aspie) husband and i, until we were married--finally living together--we became friends...Initially, we were attracted to each other physically, just like two teenagers in love...
Are you sure you weren't in "Lust", rather than in luv?
Clueless2017 wrote:
Thankfully, at the same time, we could see qualities in each other that made us good prospects...So far, I think we are good for each other...Now married, the initial attraction is been replaced by something deeper and more lasting...
Yes, it will last for about 7 years.
Have you heard about "The 7 Year Itch"?
Quote:
The seven-year itch is a popular belief, sometimes quoted as having psychological backing, that happiness in a marriage or long-term romantic relationship declines after around seven years.[1]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_seven-year_itch
My suggestion: Keep in good physical shape.
Clueless2017 wrote:
And in recent times, we are becoming close friends also...We feel the love for one another...We see each other in our future...I suppose that as any and every marriage, WE ARE A WORK IN PROGRESS
Post Script: As to platonic love...BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN is and always will be my platonic love ..I discovered him at age 13 before he became famous...The best story-teller of all times, according to me...
Post Script: As to platonic love...BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN is and always will be my platonic love ..I discovered him at age 13 before he became famous...The best story-teller of all times, according to me...
Platonic luv rulz.
Rexi
Veteran
Joined: 3 Sep 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,388
Location: "I know there's nothing we can do. But my heart can't accept it." "If this is real, then I want to change the future."
07 Dec 2020, 10:50 pm
Pepe wrote:
Rexi wrote:
I also think that there's a hard to notice difference, a fine line between being attracted to someone and very excited to be with them but disliking the things they believe in, they do and they like. It's like liking to be with them a lot but actually not liking who they are beyond really liking them and their presence. Being with someone you don't want to but enjoy.
This sounds rather odd, to me.
Give me a couple of years to think about that one.
You aren't talking about "lust", are you?
Not only. Can sure lust towards every aspect of a person personally though, their mobile phone...
The brain lights up. Perhaps a rush of hormones. A joy of being with them. A deep wish to bond.
Bring the lust detox crew tho. xc
07 Dec 2020, 10:57 pm
Clueless2017 wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Clueless2017 wrote:
... ... ...
Great insight...I agree completely...100%...
Post Script: I was so naive that i actually had a list of requirements...Like a check list...Yet, when i met my husband that list was totally obsolete!! !...And i broke my own rules...This is why i insist that there are many factors out of our control when falling in love...Maybe this is what the phrase itself means "to fall in love"...Because nobody in their right mind chooses to fall...
Great insight...I agree completely...100%...
Post Script: I was so naive that i actually had a list of requirements...Like a check list...Yet, when i met my husband that list was totally obsolete!! !...And i broke my own rules...This is why i insist that there are many factors out of our control when falling in love...Maybe this is what the phrase itself means "to fall in love"...Because nobody in their right mind chooses to fall...
I hope you aren't making the assumption that everyone thinks the way you do.
Consider, this is overwhelmingly a community of autistic people.
Yes, there are many factors involved in forming a relationship, but you have to consider the element of "experience" also.
The first time I fell in love, I had no way of knowing what was happening to me, since it was all new.
I had no defences.
As a result, there was little control/choice, for me, in any case, but later I was in a position where I could be more discriminating and have a better ability to manage these feelings.
They call "Puppy Luv", puppy luv for a reason.
I believe we are *not* discussing that.
Or are we?
... ... ...
On various occasions, when in my adult years of singleness, i experienced a strong mutual attraction, obvious to anyone close by, to incredibly attractive men...(I have witnesses)...Examples, at the local fair, at a Starbucks, at a grocery store, even when stopped by a cop
...And invariably, i walked-away...Those men did not stand a chance with me...I never dated a stranger...I often tell my beloved (Aspie) husband that had i passed him on a sidewalk, as attractive as i may have found him to be, he would have had no chance with me under those circumstances..I'm the same way.
When I walk my K9 kids, there is a hoard of women, 40 years younger than me, who have lust in their eyes, but they haven't a chance.
Sorry, girls.
Clueless2017 wrote:
Thankfully, we met at a place of worship, both volunteering for the same cause, surrounded by mutual friends...So, that in and of itself said a lot about him...That he has a spiritual inclination...That he is a humanitarian...And that he is good-hearted...So, there was a foundation, a common ground, on which we could build something more lasting than physical attraction...Am i making sense???...So technically speaking, it felt like puppy love, but with the benefit of having some life experience from both sides...
Yeah, you religious people are into that compassion, humanitarianism, fidelity, integrity.
All that schmaltzy stuff.
07 Dec 2020, 11:00 pm
Rexi wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Rexi wrote:
I also think that there's a hard to notice difference, a fine line between being attracted to someone and very excited to be with them but disliking the things they believe in, they do and they like. It's like liking to be with them a lot but actually not liking who they are beyond really liking them and their presence. Being with someone you don't want to but enjoy.
This sounds rather odd, to me.
Give me a couple of years to think about that one.
You aren't talking about "lust", are you?
Not only. Can sure lust towards every aspect of a person personally though, their mobile phone...
The brain lights up. Perhaps a rush of hormones. A joy of being with them. A deep wish to bond.
Bring the lust detox crew tho. xc
It sounds like "Animal Magnetism", to me.
Reow! Woof!
I don't think I'm as primitive as you, though.
Send me some selfies.
I might change my mind.
08 Dec 2020, 6:48 am
Clueless2017 wrote:
Thankfully, we met at a place of worship, both volunteering for the same cause, surrounded by mutual friends...So, that in and of itself said a lot about him...That he has a spiritual inclination...That he is a humanitarian...And that he is good-hearted...So, there was a foundation, a common ground, on which we could build something more lasting than physical attraction...Am i making sense???...So technically speaking, it felt like puppy love, but with the benefit of having some life experience from both sides...
Sorry, this struck a sore point with me. Let me tell you a story about someone in very similar circumstances.
He humiliated me as a joke in front of a whole group of people... and was given more responsibility the week after because no one picked up on his joke. That was 5 years ago and I'm still angry with him. It was pretty obvious he and his friend had dared each other to slip something funny into their presentations they were giving in front of the group. What his friend said about his wife was actually really sweet, she blushed, we all had a giggle, but the dude who said something to me, in front of everyone, I don't know what he was thinking. It was creepy and unkind.
Just because a man has responsibility and does volunteer work, doesn't mean squat. It could be an act. He could be a creep deep down. He could go through the motions of doing all of the visual "right things" like fixing up people's homes, managing the club/church accounts or whatever, but have no empathy for other human beings. Us singles still have to be careful, even if the people around us are doing "good things."
To be fair, a friend did warn me about him (the same one who thought I was going to run off with the Face of Boo though, so I thought she was being petty again), but I thought he was doing well at this point and I thought I had a genuine shot. Nope, just another player. On paper, he's doing well. On paper, he's doing the right things.
Last edited by hurtloam on 08 Dec 2020, 10:34 am, edited 1 time in total.
08 Dec 2020, 7:21 am
Clueless2017 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Ah ha! Then I agree with you.
You know what's not a good situation. Puppy love with someone who doesn't want to be with you, but who does like you generally and is a romantic and never lets the ember die and you keep having to set boundaries with them and they with you. It was a bit like a fire that we didn't really want, but was nice and warm all the same, so it was nice to keep it going.
That wasn't fun. I've no idea what we were doing. I was too young to figure out how to control these stupid chemicals and he was too nice to tell me to go away. These days, there is no way I would let that situation unfold.
I check in with him every-now and then just to make sure he's still alive and doing ok, but I'm still annoyed about how it all went down.
That was limerance for sure.
You know what's not a good situation. Puppy love with someone who doesn't want to be with you, but who does like you generally and is a romantic and never lets the ember die and you keep having to set boundaries with them and they with you. It was a bit like a fire that we didn't really want, but was nice and warm all the same, so it was nice to keep it going.
That wasn't fun. I've no idea what we were doing. I was too young to figure out how to control these stupid chemicals and he was too nice to tell me to go away. These days, there is no way I would let that situation unfold.
I check in with him every-now and then just to make sure he's still alive and doing ok, but I'm still annoyed about how it all went down.
That was limerance for sure.
... ... ...
I have personally never found myself in a situation as such, wherein i like someone; but he only enjoys the attention without the commitment...That is not fair for he or she who desires more than a friendship...We should never allow that to happen to us!! !...
Ah, well, I have the same attitude as you, so I was confused about why he would still encourage the attention if he wasn't actually interested. Also, having that outlook and being an aspie who is very literal, you can see how it would be easy for me to be fooled.
I've got to say though, it's really difficult to figure out who is really interested and who is not. Even guys who have "high standards" that don't sleep around. They will spend time with you to get to know you, nothing serious, but do take an interest. And that's a lot for someone like me who has never had a proper boyfriend. You think, maybe this one really does like me, but they seem to only want to spend a bit of time with me until they meet the one and are serious with her and want to marry her. It's amazing how this keeps happening to me.
You say
Quote:
We should never allow that to happen to us!!
That's horribly patronising. I know so many women that this has happened to and the guys were "good guys". Just careful enough to be able to deny that they led her on and they can say she was reading too much into it, just careful enough not to get into trouble, but not careful enough to have any compassion for how other people feel or take into account that these women never get any interest, so that little bit of interest is huge to these women.
And because of these idiots, you get the shy ones who never make a move in case they get tangled up or people think they're a player when they're not.
If men and women talked to each other more then there wouldn't be this big thing when someone crosses over from their blokey social circle and actually talks to you.
That's why I'm done with this horrible dating thing. It's just a farce.
Rexi
Veteran
Joined: 3 Sep 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,388
Location: "I know there's nothing we can do. But my heart can't accept it." "If this is real, then I want to change the future."
08 Dec 2020, 10:51 am
Pepe wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Rexi wrote:
I also think that there's a hard to notice difference, a fine line between being attracted to someone and very excited to be with them but disliking the things they believe in, they do and they like. It's like liking to be with them a lot but actually not liking who they are beyond really liking them and their presence. Being with someone you don't want to but enjoy.
This sounds rather odd, to me.
Give me a couple of years to think about that one.
You aren't talking about "lust", are you?
Not only. Can sure lust towards every aspect of a person personally though, their mobile phone...
The brain lights up. Perhaps a rush of hormones. A joy of being with them. A deep wish to bond.
Bring the lust detox crew tho. xc
It sounds like "Animal Magnetism", to me.
Reow! Woof!
I don't think I'm as primitive as you, though.
Send me some selfies.
I might change my mind.
But darling, I am not my urges. Unlike you I've come far and no longer have a fur to show off in my selfies.
Oh non~ Let's be understood here. Compassion is important within the atheistic world, too. Do tell me you don't push it away to the extent that you're in denial towards the difference between constructive communication and unhelpful insults. How would you connect with others [apart from your otherwise wonderful furry children] if so so denying tact and foreign experience?
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