Enjoy being single?

Post Reply New Topic

!

Cornflake wrote:

badRobot wrote: Overcome your argumentative mindset and consider accepting objective facts instead of trying to "obliterate argument" just for the sake of it. Accept that answer might be uncomfortable. Then see the "simple" answer. ^ This is advice you would do well to take yourself. Having removed a series of argumentative off-topic commentary from you and left your contributions finishing with a post in which you say "Wait, why am I wasting my time again? Bye." - you return with more arguments, and after a notice that no more are made. Your case throughout has been more about you proving yourself correct than offering any help acceptable to the OP - and note, it is entirely their decision as to whether your advice is useful - but as far as I can see it has been rejected. So leave it at that: stop pushing, let it go and walk away. Any more posts here from you will result in an account suspension.

I'm sorry you're not feeling so hot today, Dorkseid. I hope you feel better tomorrow.

Well I'm seeing very negative words in this. "Creep and Weird". Have people actually called you these things to your face or are they words you are calling yourself?

Is it the people who are telling you to enjoy being single that are also saying these negative things to you?

When you have had a one night stand with a woman is it her who has called you a creep?

When you have had a job rejection is it the interviewer that has told you that you are weird?

Maybe you should change the negative language about yourself and your situation into more positive language. It does actually work you know.

Texas is not really thought of as a top vacation destination like some other places.

It's okay I have the same issue I'm single and have never been on a date. But somedays I think I would like to get married but then I think to myself who could handle me with all the issues that come with my autism.

Being single is a time for self improvement. All you can do is work on resolving your issues and be better version of yourself in order to attract a high quality person into your life. At least that's what i'm trying to do.

At this point nothing I do will help attract a partner I'd want because of my age. Its too late for that now.

Perhaps you'd be a good match for someone who has autism or some other similar issues. Me & my girlfriend each have various issues & disabilities & we find each other easier to be around than anyone else has been. My mom 1ce asked her "How do you put up with him?" & she didn't know how to respond. She finds me more understanding & accepting of her than most any other guy would & I feel the same way about her. Lots of things most others would consider problems we are not that bothered by. I find normal people much harder to deal with. They are too judgemental & I'm too direct, straightforward, withdrawn, needy, & dependent for them.


I noticed dorkseid that you said "attract a partner I'd want". That makes me wonder if you could attract a partner that you don't want. I'm not sure the kind of partner you'd want & would not want but I have seen more than a few frustrated singles on this forum over the years that have extremely high requirements that are very unrealistic for most of us members to obtain. When they are told how their requirements might be too high, they start ranting about how they should not be forced to "settle" for anything less than exactly what they want & do not want. The thing is thou that nobody is perfect including themselves & I wonder why someone should give them a chance when they refuse to give anyone else half of one I'm NOT sure if this is the case for you are not dorkseid. For all I know you might just be ruling out others who are physically violent & druggies who would steal your stuff to obtain more hits or something IDK. I do know that most any romantic relationship will involve making compromises as some point. It's a good idea to analyze your requirements for a partner to make sure they are reasonable & ask yourself if you would prefer to be alone or with someone who does not meet those exact requirements.

You always say that, Dorkseid…..but it’s just not true. It isn’t too late.

I am completely open to a relationship with an ND woman if she is the right person. But if it's just one of those situations where people think I should just date some random ND woman for no reason other than that we both happen to be ND, then h*ll no!

Besides, I don't know any single ND women or where to find any. The last time I remember knowing a female aspie was when I was in college. We went our separate ways after graduation and I haven't seen or been in contact with her for over a decade at this point.



I feel like I need to give two answers to this: one for when I was younger, and one for now.

When I was in my 20s and early 30s, I do not believe my standards were unreasonable. I required that she be intellectually interesting and shared some level of things in common. While I'm into DC and Marvel, she might be more into fantasy or Anime; as long and she had that nerdy side to her. I had certain deal breakers, like smoking, excessive drinking, or taking religion too seriously; but nothing unreasonable. And I had to feel physically attracted to her. That doesn't mean she had to look like a Sports Illustrated model, but just like everyone else I'm not attracted to everybody.

I was never attracted to my ex-fiancé. She was physically handicapped, but that wasn't the reason; she wasn't my type and wouldn't have appealed to me even without her disability. She was the only woman who had ever wanted to be with me and I settled for her out of desperation, and I ended up regretting that big time. After that I swore to myself that I would never settle again.

There have been 2 or 3 instances in the past decade in which I had confirmation or very strong indication that someone was interested in me, but in all the cases it was women I knew I didn't want. But I never had any expectations that exceeded what was normal for NT men of similar looks and means to myself. Using a scale of 1 thru 10, 1 being the least attractive to me and 10 being the most: it seems that whenever I was unwilling to settle for a 1 or a 2, everyone somehow inferred that I'm only willing to go out with 10s. It also appears that what most people consider "realistic expectations" for NDs are far below those for NTs. Beggars can't be choosers, after all.

As for what expectation I have at my current age, I would agree that at this point they are no longer realistic. I missed out on romance and sex with young and beautiful ladies when I was younger, and I hate that. It is still important to me to experience that in my lifetime. Whenever I see women in my current age group I do not find them at all attractive and all the women I feel drawn to are always significantly younger than me. Additionally, women my age typically have children that are now 17 or 18 years old, and that freaks me the h*ll out. I can't date or marry the parent of a legal adult! I work at a high school, and the mothers of most of my students are in my age group. And while I like them as people and mean no offense, I don't find any of them remotely attractive.

And yes, I did say a woman I'd want. What good would it do me to attract women I don't want?



It's too late for what I want.

I think you're probably right. So now what you gonna do?

YES, more people need to realize this in general! I have come to hate the word "settle" cause it now sounds like a word of entitlement, like you deserve something! Dorkseid, I am sorry that you missed your years of "fun" when you were younger but I have to ask: Why didn't you marry your Ex-Fiance? If being married and in a relationship is so important to you then why didn't you marry her? People in the past did not get into relationships and get married because they were attracted to them, they did that to start a family and have kids(or that was the goal anyway). I think today's world has gotten hookup and ONS confused with relationships and marriage. Most people don't marry the person that they "want". You should really be asking yourself(and I advise people in general to do this) "What do I NEED from a relationship and marriage?" Someone being "attractive" isn't enough to sustain a relationship as looks fade overtime. You need other things like cooperation, integrity, finances(I hate this truth but it is what it is...), a goal or future, trust, and many other things.

My ex was a psychologically abusive narcissist who gaslighted and socially isolated me for 2 years and then dumped me when I was no longer of use to her. Even ignoring that it was an extremely toxic relationship, I didn't have the option of staying in it even if I wanted to.

I also want to point out that just because people did things a certain way in the past, that doesn't mean that's somehow make it superior or correct. In the past it was common to own slaves, but that doesn't mean we should go back to owning slaves.

The fact that you compared relationships and marriage which is a privilege to owning slaves which was about violation of human rights is concerning in it of itself. While it is a basic need for survival of the human race overall to get married and have kids, it is a privilege to be one of said people to do so. No one needs to own slaves! But, that is off topic and we are discussing being single and relationship and marriage.

So you said you have had people that showed interest in you in the past decade but you turned them down because they were people that you didn't "want". Let me ask you this: What do these "attractive" women that you want, want from you and is it something that you can offer to them?

I never compared marriage to slavery. Slavery is an example to illustrate that just because something was done in the past does mean we should do it now. You are deliberately twisting what I said and therefore I will have no further discussion with you.

All I did was one thing wrong in your eyes and you want no further discussion? That's not a good look in the dating scene. I apologize if I upset you and mistook what you said. That is fine though if you want no further discussion with me but, I will advise you to ask yourself the question I presented to you in the same post. It actually gives quite a lot of perspective about yourself and how you stand in the sexual market place and also what you may need to improve on to get these "attractive" women that you want so much.