What are your red flags in relationships?

Post Reply New Topic

A NT friend was on the first dinner and movie date. She mispronounced a word during dinner and there was a discussion about the word, its definition, and then he took her home skipping the movie. I was shocked when he told me about it and my only response was just a "word". He said, "You had to be there."

So, yes, people leave because of an annoyance.

More Red Flags:

• Bipolar Thinking: Perceiving people and events as completely good and wonderful or as completely bad and horrible; unable to see, feel, or remember both the positive and the negative in a situation; everything is either wholly right or wholly wrong; and there are no variations in-between.

• Constantly Threatened: Interpreting facial expressions, gestures, body language and vocal tones as negative; perceiving attacks in phrases like "I'm sorry", "I love you", "You did well"; misinterprets joking from others as a personal attack; and misinterprets sarcasm as agreement.

• Controlling: Manipulative and power-grabbing; molding people and events it to their liking; specific ideas about how people and events 'should' be; acting as if the world is a play and they are the writer-producer-director; and acting in control even when they are not.

• Emotional Reasoning: Logical explanations make no sense; make most of their decisions based on how they feel; always look to something or someone outside themselves to solve their feelings and needs; and expect others to go along with their "solutions," and react with irritation and resentment if others do not.

• Emotionally Needy: They seem to desperately want someone to feel their pain, to sympathize with them, and to make everything just as they want it to be; and they have little ability to respond to others' pain or fear or even day-to-day need for care and sympathy.

• Exaggerated Need for Attention and Validation: Fully self-absorbed; hates to be ignored; must be the center of attention; will constantly try to elicit praise and approval from others, either through grandiose bragging or constant complaining.

• Exaggerated Sense of Superiority and Entitlement: Someone who always has to be the best, the most right, and the most competent; do everything their way; own everything; control everyone; and have the last word.

• Harmful Secrets: Addiction and dependency; affairs, bankruptcy, children, divorce, failed business, gang or mob affiliation, obsession, prior arrests, prior marriage, prison record, sex-transmitted disease, et cetera.

• Infidelity: Openly admiring others for their attractiveness; flirting with others at every opportunity; communicating in secret with someone outside the relationship; seeking to be alone with someone outside the relationship.

• Irresponsible: Blaming others when they are at fault; and taking credit for others' successes. Any negative thoughts or behaviors are blamed on others; they take credit for everything that is positive and good; they deny their negative words and actions; continually accuse others of disapproving; they r

• Lack of Boundaries: Unable to discern where they end and others begin; seems to believe everything belongs to them; seems to believe everyone thinks and feels the same as they do; seems to believe everyone wants the same things they do; shocked and highly insulted to be told no; and whatever they want they will try to get through persistence, cajoling, demanding, rejecting, or pouting.

• Lack of Empathy: Selfish and self-involved; unable to understand what other people are feeling; expect others to think and feel the same as they do; seldom give any thought to how others feel; rarely apologize, express remorse, or admit their guilt; and believe their feelings are caused by someone or something outside of themselves (e.g., deny responsibility for their own feelings). Aslo, they do not seem to feel guilt or remorse; does not seem to believe their behaviors really affect anyone else.

• Overly Sensitive: Unable to constructively deal with ridicule, rejection, or being in the wrong; easily overcome with distress, and no amount of reassurance and encouragement seems to make a difference.

• Perfectionism: Everything and everybody has to be to their standards; events should happen exactly on time and in the order they prescribe; and when things do not go their way, they complain incessantly.

• Projected Anxiety: Accuses everyone else of being negative, unsupportive, mentally ill, not putting them first, not responding to their needs, or being selfish.

• Uncooperative or Unmutual: Seems to understand and accept only their own perspective, and no one else's.

• Violence Fixation: Threatens violence; expresses violent imagery through art, gestures, voice, or writing; seemingly obsessed with violent imagery in entertainment media; and collects guns, knives, swords, or other tools of violence.

Hmmm, well I have been married to the same partner for nearly 40 years, so we must be doing something right. Let's see, "red flags" for me in ANY relationship would be.
1) Would raise a hand to me in ANY form of violence
2) Would cheat or be adulterous with anyone
3) Would keep (HARMFUL SECRETS) like addictions, gambling, alcoholic, prior jail time etc, hidden from me.

My husband is my best friend. I know, I put him through tests before we got married. I am the female version of Steve Irwin, I love all animals and "tom boy" activities as well as working with and showing Rottweilers. So anyone I married had better not be intimidated by a tom boy, snake catching horse riding rottweiler training "farm girl". My technology loving Mr. Spock NT husband is my best friend and I his Aspie bride of 39+ years we are still in deepest love BECAUSE we are truly best FRIENDS first. All the rest is icing on the cake (and yes, we have raised a healthy 35 yr old Aspie son as well).
Red flags are common sense. Only YOU allow what will happen to you...Only YOU. If you do not ALLOW it, it will not happen.

Warmly,
Jackie

I'd look more for blue flags as everyone has negatives and baggage, and most people deserve a chance if there's that initial connection, even if a red flag shows up to you.

Few things are irredeemable.

Hi:
Here are some red flags in a relationship whether it gets to first base or not.

1. The other person only flirts with you when they want something, otherwise they ignore you
2. If you are asked to bend over backwards and do certain things but they don't ever make an effort
3. They tell you that they love you but otherwise ignore you and flirt with other people
4. They criticize the way you look
5. At the start of the relationship, they yell and act nasty towards other people
6. They are nice to you when you are alone but when they are around others, they are a different person
7. They constantly find something wrong with your friends and family by criticizing

Love bombing

Walking on eggshells

Fear of expressing your feelings without you partner getting defensive

Always needing to call yours patents every time you have a problem in your relationship

Often thinking of breaking up

Feeling ignored unless you behave a certain way that pleases your partner

Your partner constantly criticizes you and you feel nothing is ever good enough

Everything is their child's business what happens between you two

They are constantly judgemental about everyone

They care too much what others think of them and have a very private life it makes them act controlling. You feel you have to keep everything a secret.

They raise their voice in anger and curse at you.

They make your anxiety worse and are low in empathy. They make you feel you are too sensitive. You feel you can't communicate right because they always get defensive or take what you say the wrong way.