No job means a gf is out of the question?

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You can't be letting these opportunities get away from you.  Trust me, as you get older, such opportunities are progressively fewer and farther between.

Yeah totally agree fnord

Think that's the last time a girl said she fancied me to my face

Ok maybe it's just my headspace right now but I do relate. I had a few relationship goes over the years before getting together with my current partner. I watched everyone else go off and be happy together while I was feeling alone and unable to connect in the same way for like a decade. I still struggle with it a lot actually (ergo finding my way here).

What my partner told me was basically my issues were I was not putting myself in situations to meet new people, I had a baby face (which in your 20s is not helpful to look 10 years younger) AND I didn't have a job. So concluding from her perspective, a job isn't required but it is a substantial help. Which is a large reason I'm going back and finishing my degree.

All the general advice I've repeatedly heard is to move on and focus on myself but that's... Kinda hard when I was raised to not like myself and my fixation would very much not let me move on. The only times I've been able to put action into myself was when I got fed up and mad. I've made a lot of progress and achieved a lot of my goals by just not caring about them anymore which feels super counterproductive. But I was just getting in my own way and psyching myself out in a negative reinforcement loop.

My therapist suggested that I find things that interest me. Not things I like since I fixate on them, but small things. For me it's been guitar, a video game, wandering around outside, going to the little cafe in the next town that I like. I'm also gonna start getting into run clubs because it's the only form of exercise I enjoy (and apparently it's what people have been doing instead of using dating apps).

I'm pretty sure my advice wasn't solicited, but the only way I've found to solve problems I don't have control over is to find another problem to solve. Something else to work on to interest me or give myself another purpose. Only then did stuff start falling into place. I wish you well my friend.

Also thanks for the imperial height measurements.

!	Cornflake wrote:
	Some posts were edited or removed. Any further attacks will result in the thread being locked.

I don't think you were being nasty. I think you were telling it like it is.

He doesn't know that much about me really or women's attitude towards me

Neither do I to be honest. Than, again I'm not the romantic type.

Women have different ideas when it comes to what they do or don't like. I will say that I think you need to find other things that interest you besides going to the pub because that doesn't seem to be working for you. Also, it might be a good idea to avoid focusing on your looks so much. Many women care more about personality. They want to have things in common with someone, feel comfortable/safe around them, have fun with them, feel like the person is kind and respectful, and stuff like that. Maybe think about some of those things more than stuff you can't change - like your height or not having a job due to disability.

It might help to focus more on other stuff than finding someone. If you're striving to work on specific things in your life such as social skills and are trying new things, someone might come along.

I wonder if there are any social clubs for folks with disabilities in your area. There are things like that in my small town, and they are great for some people.

At least I have started volunteering which is not at the pub


Fantastic advice though

Yes, volunteering is very positive, but you tend to talk much more about going to the pub on here which makes it seem like it's a much bigger interest. There's typically nothing wrong with folks going to pubs although you don't appear to have much luck there. I'm just saying that continuing to expand your horizons while working on social skills might be helpful. Many, if not most, women would be put-off if a guy mostly talks about his exploits at the pub, not that I'm saying you'd do that.

Thanks!

Yes, i think that's great. Anything you do that puts you in a position of meeting new people is positive.

That said, the reason I was pushing you for more information on why you chose to volunteer at the pond/woods was because you'll probably find that most people who volunteer there are there because they love nature and want to work to preserve it.

I was asking if you are particularly interested in nature, because if you're not and you're really just there to meet people, they're going to pick up on that and I'd guess that'll make them harder to connect with.

If you do like nature and know something about it or are keen to learn, you'll have a lot to talk to these people about. You might even hear about paid work in that area through volunteer groups.

Thanks for the support, CR!

I did apologize to Jamesy for any offense that my honesty caused, so hopefully he knows I didn't mean to upset him in any way.

High on expressos

It's my birthday tommorow

Happy birthday Jamesy.
If any of us are going to celebrate it with you we'll need to know where this pub is.

Happy Birthday