Aspie dating success stories

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It in no way dismisses male struggles when women say that they have it bad, too.

thats why we ask em questions

People and their problems are often much more complex and nuanced than that.

Precisely, and how many times does the OP post and run leaving us with barely limited information on their predicament.

It doesn’t really matter. That’s still no excuse to go the generalizing route or to engage in some of the other behavior some of y’all do despite the regular edit and removal of sexist posts and threads for reasons which have already been stated.

^^^ Yep I get it

It seems to me that men who engage in these sexist, generalizing behaviours limit their definition of "women" to those who meet their personal desired dating criteria. When they speak about or even imagine women having unfettered access to men, they seem to think only of beautiful, young, sexually-fit temptresses who hang out on Only Fans, dating sites, or college campuses. I could be wrong about that, but this myopic view ignores the existence of any woman who might not be so desirable for their physical features, their age, their ethnicity, their disabilities, their personality, their sexual orientation, their mental health, or things out of their control like trauma. Most of them wouldn't be clamouring to get a date with an obese woman with acne, or a 60-year old trans woman with trauma.

Furthermore, all women can have difficulties dating whether they're 22 and gorgeous, or 72 and quadriplegic.

We're all here because we share somewhat-similar personality styles, in terms of our ASD diagnoses or neurodivergence. By definition we all have some degree of impairment with social skills, communication, interpersonal relationships, and the like. I wish people would focus more on the fact we're all human and we're all struggling in various ways, without dismissing or invalidating other members just because of the gender tagline on their profile.

I think there might be differences with what people perceived to be generalisations. What is a generalisation is obviously assuming all men have the same problems or all women have the same problems.

It's also a sweeping generalisation however to assume men and women are a homogenous group of people who have similar experiences with dating. There does appear to be differences with lived in experience between men and women, be it personal, what they've observed or the results of studies.

The problem, once again, is that we can’t talk about how men might struggle more with one aspect of dating on average because some of y’all have demonstrated time and again that you can’t handle it. It always goes to a sexist place, and it ignores the experiences of women who’ve dealt with the same issue.

Science and alleged facts have often been used to promote racism, transphobia, and sexism…even on WP. It can’t continue because it’s not fair to female members and just adds to the regular doses of sexism they experience here already.

I think a lot of it has to do with facts rarely being interperated correctly or even if they are, they're often not liked as a lot of personal projection is seen in them.

If you’ve met one “aspie” with personal experiences or comments regarding dating (or the lack thereof), you’ve met one. No one has generalised that our experiences are all the same. For example, Twilight and I have markedly different dating experiences, even though a lot of people assume we must be the same since we’re both women with trauma.

When I say that WP members have a lot in common and we should respect or acknowledge our common experiences, it doesn’t mean we’re an identical or homogenous group. It means we all have input which is equally valid. Men’s concerns aren’t any more shocking or important than women’s, or those of gay and trans members who struggle when dating. We are all vulnerable and we all bring different points of view to the table. Our experiences all matter, and none should be discredited, mocked, or downright ignored.

When we use the word “generalise” it’s because that’s how women are treated here again and again by a few frequent fliers who insist all women are gold digging, misandrist sexpots with the world as their oyster.

As we all should know, that’s not the case.

Sometimes I wonder if the sexist men even read our posts about trauma or the concerns autistic women face on a daily basis. We read the men’s stuff and comment in supportive ways or to share our personal experiences just like men would, but we’re often shut down with quips like “you’re naive”, “you don’t understand”, or the overriding sentiment that our dating history is irrelevant unless we have salacious details to share, and we’re looking for a partner.

Considering some of your posts and threads from a while back, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if you struggle to understand why this has been and continues to be such a problem.

Sometimes it feels like they just skim posts to look for stuff that conforms with their worldview whether accurate or not or they pick out things to disagree with. There have been times when I’ve been shocked by the lack of empathy that’s been displayed towards women after expressing stuff they’ve been struggling with here. Of course, some particularly offensive members have been banned which helps.

We all have individual experiences but on the same page, people are also allowed to make sweeping observations, broadly applying them to an entire demographic so long as they're not generalisations. If someone wants to say "women are more likely to have convos on dating apps" then that's actually a fair statement to make while also not generalizing considering it's been proven men outnumber women on dating apps for example. It doesn't mean there are women who aren't struggling when using them and it also doesn't mean men will universally struggle.

I think what people often do here is mistake observations for generalisations and take them personally.

^ You may be unaware of a lot of the sexist generalizations that occur here because they are typically reported and removed.

Yes, I agree about the situation on dating apps, but people here often claim that that says something in a broader sense which leads to sexist nonsense that is both unnecessary and exclusionary.

As demonstrated in this thread, when there’s a topic about “aspies”, especially if it relates to LD or Adult, that typically means “aspie men” although it’s not explicitly stated.

The default assumption here is that an aspie is a man, and one who struggles to date or get laid. That’s wrong on many levels because lots of autistic men are married or have had long term relationships including sex, but that’s another topic. The problem is that women feel excluded and marginalised by these threads and these posters whether that’s their intent or not.

We see questions like “Do all aspies have trouble sleeping with women?” (paraphrase) which suggests OPs don’t even stop to consider the fact some aspies are female, and some aspies are gay men or asexual etc. In that respect the problem is what these men DON’T say, just as much as what they do.

The use of inclusive language would make WP much more welcoming. No one would tolerate questions aimed just at white people or even the assumption we’re all white, so it’s frustrating when the female gender is overlooked, lumped together, or stereotyped.

I’ve noticed that women go out of their way to be inclusive with their language. We refer to “all autistic people”, “some men”, “some women” etc by using qualifiers conscientiously but I don’t see the same consideration by the men who make sexist posts.

Observations are fine. Men can speak their truth or their feelings but it’s against the rules for any of us to make negative comments about entire groups of people, whether that’s determined by race, class, gender, orientation, politics, or ability.

In my opinion, some men act like this is a boys’ club and they make some women feel unwelcome / uncomfortable with their behaviour whether that means they’ve said something offensive, or they’ve said nothing at all (in the case of failing to acknowledge our existence, failing to respond to women’s posts unless they’re about sex, failing to stand up for women who are insulted and mocked publicly by key players any time they speak their mind, etc.)