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Topher
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25 Dec 2007, 8:53 pm

perhaps he is. But it applies to me. I can't just ignore that fact.



ToadOfSteel
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25 Dec 2007, 10:08 pm

Read the wiki article on love shyness. Theres a section of the article (link) that tells of his usage of pseudoscience... I wouldn't put much stock into the whole concept.



cerasela
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25 Dec 2007, 11:05 pm

sands wrote:
I haven't talked to him since Friday I think. He is gone to his dads for the Christmas holiday. I see this as being a ritual. I'm a tad bit lonely for not getting to chat with him, but I know he needs the rest. I did find out through a friend that had talked to a friend of his that he says I drive him nuts. This made me feel horrible and I actually cried about it. Of course I don't really know the whole conversation. I can't really bring it up either to find out about it. I have spoiled him quite a bit because I wanted him to know I cared about him. I think I will probably back off a little and see what happens. Do you think that would be wise?


Don't you believe anyone but yourself (your intuition) and what you hear from your boyfriend's mouth. We keep saying here that we the people with AS suffer because people don't tell us what is going on. It is such a nightmare to guess what others are thinking...so isn't it logical to approach him, gently and ask him what you want to find out? No drama (like intense talk or crying etc.), just a sincere talk. Don't even mention what that other friend said. Just act normal and when you see him, talk about what you want to know. I "dated" an aspie and he was rude and angry etc. (I don't need to be treated like s**t, even if he is acting like that because he has AS) so another thing I would say, take your boyfriend off the high place you put him and treat him like he deserves; if he treats you good, stick around, if not, screw it, nobody needs to be unhappy. I hope I got my point across. I want you to be happy, if this relationship makes you unhappy, you know what yopu have to do. Try everything you can first, but if it's not worth it, RUN!! ! Preserve your sanity!! ! Love and being in love can make people very depressed, if they are not treated right. So calm down, be composed and deal with it. Keep in touch.

Love, Elena.


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cerasela
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25 Dec 2007, 11:32 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Simple. Just realize that Gilmartin is an idiot trying to create a cash cow...


What he's talking about really exists...he's not an "idiot" (I think), he's just not developed his idea enough, it's kind of narrow, because he only reffers to men; maybe he didn't have enough time or help or funds...it seems to me that he's talking about some social anxiety disorder (with a sexual component). I sure felt love shy all my life. So I know he's not crazy. Maybe if this idea materializes in some diagnosis, the medical insurance companies would pay for some kind of counseling/treatment for the people that are affected by "love shy". Lets give him some credit. Maybe if he gets the cow making some money for him :) , he can develop his idea further and it can become useful to other people.
Another thing is, I read this article way before I saw this post (wiki is my best "friend", kind of sad but true :? ) and I think that wiki is very strong about articles that are original research, they are screening wiki articles very thoroughly and I think he would have been booted out long time ago, if he would only talk about some original idea of his, that has not been refferenced/published before in the medical literature. I will read the article again, maybe I don't know what I am talking about.


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Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.
Dalai Lama

PS For whoever wants to hurt me (in my professional life, for example) using what I posted in confidence here, watch out, I have a good lawyer.


techstepgenr8tion
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26 Dec 2007, 12:47 am

In my case I have no idea what it really is anymore. I think part of it is that in the crowd I run with, I really don't meet anyone who'd be right for me. When I do get shy though its not fear of rejection or too much need, its more that feeling like because of the way having AS has effected my life that just over how my past has been lived I haven't been through most of the guiding points that are needed for me to be a real man in most women's eyes. Its not that I'm psychologically underdeveloped, that's not true at all, just that I think there are some things that you can't really control just by sheer will alone. Its like I can hold myself out pretty well as NT on a lot of levels but when you dive even a few inches into my psyche or into my past its swiss cheese. That's a nasty feeling and one I'll really need to get my head around somehow because I really can't stand the thought of just letting my life pass me by because I didn't have a lot of the same experiences growing up (at least until my 20's) that other people had.



Mark198423
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26 Dec 2007, 5:36 pm

cerasela wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
Simple. Just realize that Gilmartin is an idiot trying to create a cash cow...


What he's talking about really exists...he's not an "idiot" (I think), he's just not developed his idea enough, it's kind of narrow, because he only reffers to men; maybe he didn't have enough time or help or funds...it seems to me that he's talking about some social anxiety disorder (with a sexual component). I sure felt love shy all my life. So I know he's not crazy. Maybe if this idea materializes in some diagnosis, the medical insurance companies would pay for some kind of counseling/treatment for the people that are affected by "love shy". Lets give him some credit. Maybe if he gets the cow making some money for him :) , he can develop his idea further and it can become useful to other people.
Another thing is, I read this article way before I saw this post (wiki is my best "friend", kind of sad but true :? ) and I think that wiki is very strong about articles that are original research, they are screening wiki articles very thoroughly and I think he would have been booted out long time ago, if he would only talk about some original idea of his, that has not been refferenced/published before in the medical literature. I will read the article again, maybe I don't know what I am talking about.


You're right, it's not that he's an idiot, the problem is that 'love shyness' already exists within other conditions. Social anxiety can include sexual social situations too - it's not a different condition. He also mentions alot of the subjects lacking in other friends too, so it seems most do just suffer from acute social anxiety.
If I remember rightly, the study was conducted in the 80's so any cash made hasn't been pumped back into research on it, probably shouldn't be (as an independant condition) either.